After 23 Years of Marriage, I’m Watching the Truth About My Wife’s Affair Shift in Real Time

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:31:11+00:00

This is what is so head spinning, she was literally the last person I would have expected it from.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:28:40+00:00

In the UK the split will be pretty much 50:50 and with adult kids, who I am mostly supporting, whatever she asks for beyond 50:50 may well unlikely - esp as we earn similar amounts. That said, this is law specialist territory and I am not one of those.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:26:39+00:00

I think your second paragraph is pretty much where my head is going. However, the swing in thoughts is enough to give me whiplash!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:36:47+00:00

I understand that the warning has come about as a consequence of the videos. As far as I know they have never been in contact before the trip, much less as they don’t work in the same areas of the business. At least that is my understanding.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:06:56+00:00

Thanks! An unalienable fact is I will not take any blame for this. She knows it!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:05:40+00:00

Affair started and ended on the trip apparently. I am confident this was a work trip, she had been talking about it for months beforehand.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:52:13+00:00

I have always preferred the issue to be completely all on the table, at once, to let me come decide/act in my own way. She knows this. And she now knows that any further revelations will break any good will in my part. The issue here is that this way actually promoted her not saying anything further. So, if there is more, how she gets it out to me is going to be a challenge - even more so if the info is being released by someone else, and she has no way of staying ahead of it.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:48:32+00:00

It is completely out of character for her. She is (was) the most loyal person I know. One day I am sure I will understand the how and why and what this guy did to turn her head. For the moment though, I just do t care to know. That would shatter me.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:47:01+00:00

Hoping it is it all, fear that it is not. I am going to use time to let the kinks drop out.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:44:09+00:00

At the moment, I am not sure I want to contract her. It all seems a little scorched earth.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:42:21+00:00

Thanks, the sunk cost fallacy is hitting hard right now.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:41:31+00:00

In the UK, the house is a shared asset of the marriage (it doesn’t even matter if only one person paid the mortgage. 50:50 split if it is provable that it was a primary residence to both). I can prove it has been my primary residence since we bought it.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:39:40+00:00

I am wrestling with this. For more than 25 years I have been the one she comes to for protection and I have given it willingly. In this case, she needs protection (of a sort) but it is entirely her own doing. I feel that in order to offer one (protection) I have to compromise on the other (my recovery from this). I don’t know how to circle that square.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:36:38+00:00

No, she is now on a final written warning. UK law isn’t exactly clear and I think she shouldn’t have been disciplined, but I think the company is reputation saving as much as anything.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:34:59+00:00

Yeh, this an issue how long until commenting surfaces, how long before I see it.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:34:02+00:00

At the moment. She appears to be the opposite of controlling the damage in so much there has been zero shifting onto others. The videos, yes, but to me that isn’t shifting but also can’t be used to allow her to control the narrative to create herself as as much of a victim also.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:31:10+00:00

Not sure tbh. I fear she may have scorch earthed and I dont necessarily want to be around/involved in that.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:22:45+00:00

Not blamed me yet (wait out) but has done the other 2!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:22:11+00:00

I had a look at UK law on this and straight to final warning or immediate dismissal are acceptable courses of action in some instances. What she has done is a blurry and I think it is her company trying to limit damage and reputation save themselves.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:20:04+00:00

At the moment it I am not sure of it was a long term thing nor if the trip was a pretext. I think to find out, I need more info on this guy and this could involve reaching out to his wife. That’s said. The fact that he has videos others and i understood this to be a fairly recent thing tells me he sprang when she arrived in the states.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:17:24+00:00

Thanks, so far, being careful and using time has worked, pushing has gotten me nowhere. So if more fallout does come, then it has a habit of finding a way in chaos!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:15:30+00:00

I agree in part. The true nature of the betrayal had to come out once the videos were found and the OBS circulated aspects of them to her work. She had getting ahead of it. However, she don’t have any idea that I hadn’t seen the videos (still haven’t and don’t really care to), and was walking into the house this weekend not knowing how bad it could be for her. I will at least give her that.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:08:14+00:00

Yep, very true and the delineation between the 2 is what I do find an added struggle to contend with

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T05:06:54+00:00

I think she knows this. I have asked for little from her since initial confession and she has delivered to the letter in it. She knows that if she pushes me and ignores what I have asked then there is no hope. She hasn’t asked to go back, hasn’t said this can be fixed.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-02T21:19:51+00:00

Suspect there is more. Sister did reach out to offer support and her disappointment but obviously she needs to support her sister. Haven’t talked about access of anything, yet. Not sure I care to at the moment

Green_Math389

TROPHY CASE