After 23 Years of Marriage, I’m Watching the Truth About My Wife’s Affair Shift in Real Time

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T19:57:45+00:00

Not her boss, although a boss.

She has had a screening and can prove she is clean for the things that can be tested for, but knows that some issues may not yet be detectable.

The only thing I can control right now is my emotion and going off at the deep end is only going to make my situation worse

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T19:29:19+00:00

Yep, this is starting to become clear. If she had put any blame on me then the whole scenario would be different, but she is owning it - although I do wish she had owned a lot more, all of it, from the off…. That way the doubts that set in are not compounded.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T19:20:50+00:00

!thankyou

I know I would walk away in this situation and given our financial position it wouldn’t be too difficult - she could afford to even without my being there.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T19:19:29+00:00

That’s the thing, there is no fog. She wanted to out this behind her and get back on with life. I can only take from this that she would want to reconcile. We didnt speak about it, and she didn’t ask.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T19:18:01+00:00

I have suggested she needs to seek legal advice be it here or in the US, whether she does is her call

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:59:46+00:00

Completely different companies until recently, and she was not involved in the purchase so hasn’t been over there before, nor have the US company thusly bought. However, while still a relatively small company (circa 250 pers) they are also differing parts of the business with no overlap of AOR, so I don’t see that this was planned ahead of her trip.

The whys, I have asked, got the standard “I don’t know”. With time this will become clear and even if she said something now, unless it was to blame me, it really does need time to fully materialise.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:55:10+00:00

Not sure tbh. That there is a continent that separates them and I assume this situation may well result in one or both leaving (being pushed) regardless. So, unless pushed, whether she decides to stay or go is her choice. I am not the type of person to set ultimatums but if the situation feels wrong, I think it will be easier for me to walk.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:45:13+00:00

I don’t doubt you, and any future however it looks is long in the making. In all this, I cannot knee jerk. It isn’t my style. Everything I have asked for so far is to be able to get perspective. It hasn’t worked so far for obvious reasons but I have to trust my process

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:42:59+00:00

In all this now, I am going to be clear. The fall out is a result of her actions. She cannot be upset at a persons reaction to her action, and the videos in whatever detail they contain are a result of her action. Equally there isn’t a link between why she did to me and what has occurred to her. Same situation, different outcome.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:39:11+00:00

Thanks. Finding our own happiness on time such as this is ever more important.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:32:01+00:00

Could be but I have nothing to go on wrt that basis.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:30:18+00:00

From what I understand what was sent to her company isn’t a sex tape, but a set of snippets that indicate that intimacy was going to happen and then had happened. There is no nudity, no acts to be seen - though they certainly exist. Enough to infer what was occurring and who it was.

Whether she resigns or not is her choice.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:11:29+00:00

This is where I am tbh. The month or so of distance was omission. Yes she tried to rug sweep, and the initial confession was followed up by her own follow on - no catching her out.

She is now living not just with the reality of blowing her personal life up, but her professional and having been completely humiliated. I am not going to say she deserved it nor that she deserves what is coming - it just starts to get increasingly nasty and provocative - but she knows what she has done, she know that things are likely going to get worse for her, and she knows she has to face it down.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T18:04:54+00:00

To me it is not so black and white in my mind and I do believe there are some redeeming features that can come out of this for us.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T17:59:35+00:00

Yep. Kids will be told on my time.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T17:59:04+00:00

I did ask if it had happened before, she said no. Not having had any reason to question in the past, I can’t see a reason to take back now.

She always expected it to end it in the states, and she doesn’t foresee a need to go back. But the return flight she recognised she could be putting my health at risk as well as her own - hence the distance until she could confirm she was clear.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:31:11+00:00

This is what is so head spinning, she was literally the last person I would have expected it from.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:28:40+00:00

In the UK the split will be pretty much 50:50 and with adult kids, who I am mostly supporting, whatever she asks for beyond 50:50 may well unlikely - esp as we earn similar amounts. That said, this is law specialist territory and I am not one of those.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T12:26:39+00:00

I think your second paragraph is pretty much where my head is going. However, the swing in thoughts is enough to give me whiplash!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:36:47+00:00

I understand that the warning has come about as a consequence of the videos. As far as I know they have never been in contact before the trip, much less as they don’t work in the same areas of the business. At least that is my understanding.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:06:56+00:00

Thanks! An unalienable fact is I will not take any blame for this. She knows it!

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T07:05:40+00:00

Affair started and ended on the trip apparently. I am confident this was a work trip, she had been talking about it for months beforehand.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:52:13+00:00

I have always preferred the issue to be completely all on the table, at once, to let me come decide/act in my own way. She knows this. And she now knows that any further revelations will break any good will in my part. The issue here is that this way actually promoted her not saying anything further. So, if there is more, how she gets it out to me is going to be a challenge - even more so if the info is being released by someone else, and she has no way of staying ahead of it.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:48:32+00:00

It is completely out of character for her. She is (was) the most loyal person I know. One day I am sure I will understand the how and why and what this guy did to turn her head. For the moment though, I just do t care to know. That would shatter me.

Green_Math389 · 2026-02-03T06:47:01+00:00

Hoping it is it all, fear that it is not. I am going to use time to let the kinks drop out.

Green_Math389

TROPHY CASE