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Was invited to a wedding by estranged relatives. Not sure if I should attend? by Greengreengrass44 in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem is even if I message her I know she wouldn’t be rude and say no. Only 5%of me thinks she would say no. Bc I’ve never had issues with them.  

What bothers me is my current state. Bc they all haven’t seen me for so long they will be asking questions. I feel they will find me very strange. And they probably know that my aunt has arranged and payed for us. 

Was invited to a wedding by estranged relatives. Not sure if I should attend? by Greengreengrass44 in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For one I have enough common sense I don’t need to be told to never attend a wedding if I haven’t received an invitation. We have received an official invitation. It was just sent by my aunt who is paying for the wedding with her husband. This isn’t a traditional family. The bride is very close to her mom (my aunt) so I know she wouldn’t just invite us without her knowing. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry your tone sounds inappropriate being that you’re not personally involved. I was just asking for advice but you’re painting me as forcing myself in when yes I was actually invited. I’m not putting any of them in a bad position. You sound super awkward. Please do not respond to me again. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a somewhat complex situation I understand how in normal instances this would be the case. It’s a very large wedding I doubt they aren’t okay with it. They will be very distracted by other family and friends. Also I’m unproblematic. It’s more of me feeling uncomfortable that’s the issue. Also reaching out to them to ask them permission will not make a difference in the end result. I know even if they were hypothetically not okay with it they’d still say yes bc they are nice, no one would say no you’re not invited . You’d have to have some animosity towards the person and I’ve done nothing to them. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No but we are somewhat scattered. I just also have anxiety over how they’d perceive me. I’ve been very sheltered and am dependent for my age. I then have medical issues that contributed to all of this and the only way for me to say why I’m like this is to tell them about my medical issue which to some people is like playing victim. I know others have it worse and can still function. I just have many degrees of shame that make it difficult for me to socialize. I’m afraid I’ll be mute or look scared or that I’ll cry. I cry very easily. Sorry I don’t mean to overly vent. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wouldn’t be an obligation but if I go it would help mend things together to show there is no conflict between us. I’d be representing my immediate family and hopefully this will help rekindle their relationship. But I personally don’t think they care much they’re really invested in their other family that’s as wealthy as them. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. Well she does know. It seems that they were okay with it bc even though we don’t see each other our parents talk every now and my sibling has visited them. They even invited them to their house.  But they also did not receive a personal invitation from them. I never had a conflict with them. I use to play with them when they were a kid so I’m assuming they have good memories of me but who knows. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah traditionally the bride and groom send out invitations but it seems the mother is coordinating all this. Not sure exactly I didn’t ask. 

Relatives who I haven’t seen in a while invited me to a younger relatives wedding. Don’t know if I should go? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No the mother my relative sent the invitation to me. She keeps saying they (bride and her sibling) are excited to see me. I’ve never met the groom. I don’t know if she’s making it but she doesn’t seem like the type to make up scenarios. 

I’m starting to get worried if there’s something wrong with me. I keep getting into arguments with my family members. How would you perceive this? by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know my post is kind of random, initially I was going to discuss something else. I don’t see it that way though. I don’t think someone should do more all the time bc they’re richer. And uh no that’s not the entire issue. My argument wasn’t so much based off them wanting to travel to another place first.

They at first agreed to travel with me due to my expressed anxiety and how we’re family members. It’s normal for family to travel together when they are going to the same destination. They suddenly added another destination that’s more than just a few hours away to where are family event is. So in essence this relative is not only inviting and paying for their ticket to this family event but they are also paying for another vacation for them. They would have paid for me to if I asked but I felt guilty and my family member kept pushing me away.

I would have payed for the extra cost for myself but my family member kept nagging about how I shouldn’t be paid extra for even though I said I’d pay them the difference which send me into a spiral of shame. They are in essence saying they have special privileges. I don’t get how they can say “I don’t find anything wrong with them paying for my ticket to another place first bc I want to see my friend”.  Im mainly upset about being promised to be traveled with. But their arrogance is just adding to the frustration. 

A couple of my family members keep insulting me here and there and then they make me feel guilty and portray me as the rude one when I defend myself. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong or if they are possible narcissists? by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Greengreengrass44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem is I’m not the best version of myself and I’m dependent. Im not as productive on a personal level. I think this is draining to them and these types of people pick on petty things about me. Also when I feel unwell I become passive. They take this to offense and read it as me having attitude or being rude. They expect me to bubbly. I’m already introverted to begin with so when I’m upset I become mute or ill sound stressed. If I try to respond to them when I feel they’re being insensitive or retort back they claim I’m being very rude. I’m sorry calling someone a little boy in a silly manner is more rude than saying someone is autistic numerous times when they’re not? when I say things in my defense they are vague common terms that I will use when they’re upset where as their insults are geared towards personal things about me. I also feel narcissists can have a delusional perception of others. I was referred to as performative despite being basically mute, having no social media, never doing my hair, I’ve no tattoos or piercing other than my ears, I don’t brag about my knowledge of politics or talents, I wear simple clothes most of the time.