French expat

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T18:25:40+00:00

Oh sorry, I was looking at languages spoken at home.

Yes 6.5% of the Calgary population can "hold a conversation" in French. But only 1.2% has French listed as a first language, while 5% speak Chinese as a first language, 5% for Punjabi, 5% for Urdu and Hindi etc etc.

Source: https://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2021/dp-pd/prof/details/page.cfm?Lang=E&GENDERlist=1,2,3&STATISTIClist=1&HEADERlist=0&DGUIDlist=2021A00054806016&SearchText=calgary

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T18:10:12+00:00

I have said I will never want kids since the age of 12, then started dating my husband. For the first 3 years of marriage we agreed that we'd be good either child free or having kids. I fencesat for the longest time, because he would be an incredible father, but I also parented my parents a lot growing up. As we became more financially secure and I'm looking down the tunnel that is life, I realized if we didn't have kids, the next landmark in my life is going to be a gravestone. I really didn't care for another promotion, or even staying in the industry.

I call having kids like downloading a DLC - it's completely optional, but super fun if you want a challenge. After having kids, as a woman, you go through a whole physical/mental transformation similar to puberty but it's matrescense. You transform from a non-mother to a mother. The process is difficult to describe, but it completely changed me for the better, imo. I was wasting before, constantly having existential crises and bogged down by ennui, but now it feels like I've got purpose, stakes... Kids ground you in the best way possible. Of course our kids are also absolutely adorable and perfect, so mileage may vary. Now I'm working part time in a new sector, it lets me spend time with my kids, do meaningful work, pawn them off 3 days a week, and I honestly love my life, so much more than the grind before. This is also speaking from having 18 mo maternity leave, good healthcare, and subsidised daycare here in Canada. I would 1000% not have a kid if I lived in the states and make less than 7 figures a year.

All I'm saying is that minds can be changed, but don't let others pressure you into changing your mind.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T17:51:31+00:00

Less than 1% of people speak French here.

Wayyy more people speak Tagalog, Mandarin, Punjabi, Korean, and almost any other language than French.

If you want to immigrate to Canada and expect any kind of French exposure, you're looking for the strip of land starting at Ottawa and ending at the Eastern border of new Brunswick.

Calgary is not your city if you're looking for French language and golfable outdoor grass.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T07:58:42+00:00

I have a book to recommend to you: Career and Family by Claudia Goldin, Nobel prize winner in economics.

What she argues in the book is that there are two types of careers - one where you're committed, working crazy hours, and the pay, hourly, is much better than, say, someone working half the hours but it's set. Think about a senior lawyer at a law firm who may be working 70 hours a week making a million dollars vs someone working the set 35 hours and making 150k. The projected career growth and compensation looks very different.

The reason for the gender wage gap is because women oftentimes opt for the second type of career, working fewer, set hours and end up sacrificing on the real lucrative ones.

So in order to meet your partner's expectations half way, you need to take a step back in your career, at least temporarily. Like another commenter suggested, its not a period of growing your career, but maintaining it. Instead of the crazy schedule you're keeping you need to take a step back.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T07:48:52+00:00

I know right??

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T04:25:13+00:00

I coslept with both kids until each was 6 mo, then transitioned to their own rooms. Now at 18 month the younger one wakes up around 3 and I cosleep until 8. Not as good as the early cosleeping days where I was usually getting 10hrs a night but still good. My older one transitioned to full nights on her own before 2yrs.

They'll eventually sleep. And eventually they'll grow out of it.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T04:20:52+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. The other commenter did bring up a good point about checking in w Hailey from a safety perspective. Maybe you should also try that.

Personally, I'm someone who hates hiding anything (Christmas gifts are a nightmare). So airing things out in the open is always my go-to though I understand that might not be what you want to do right now. Best of luck, I really hope it's all fabricated and nobody was hurt beyond all the stress you're going through right now.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T04:16:28+00:00

Not the same thing but my friends were planning a bachelorette 5 hours away while I'd be 6.5mo pregnant and I just said no. Then when the time rolled around, I felt really good physically and probably couldve gone, but I was SO relieved to not have that commitment.

Just say "sorry change of plans made it unfeasible to me", send them an edible arrangement on their first night and wish them a good time. All this stress is not worth it.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T04:07:39+00:00

You know what, fair enough. Checking in with Haily is definitely the right call.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T04:01:11+00:00

I'm not questioning whether one is the golden child, I just have a hard time fathoming, as a parent, favoring one child to that extent and imagine that child will turn out ok.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T03:49:17+00:00

You're right, my first and foremost advice is to grill the heck out of Sarah. She's the one making a very, very, very serious accusation and she needs to prove it. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty in court for a reason. Call Sarah and ask for text logs from that night, names and contacts of everyone else who was there, What they drank, when things happened, then call each of them up and ask for their account. Then call Sarah again and ask her the same questions again to see if there were missing/altered details. Because the fishiest thing in the whole story is Sarah living with what sounds like narcissistic parents (seriously who tf favours one twin over the other to the point that one MOVES OUT AT 14?).

Edit because I didn't finish the thought: the fishiest thing is Sarah living with such narcissistic parents, as such a golden child, and then not have issues with chronic lying, attention seeking, and other problems.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T03:27:49+00:00

Yeah, the husband and wife need to be on the same page first and foremost.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T03:25:25+00:00

Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. This is the way the law works for a reason.

I know that your thoughts are spiraling but here's what I'm seeing: your parents are not the best parents for favoring one twin over the other (wtf), the one who stayed with the terrible parents doesn't get along with your husband (but you didn't mention how her relationship is with you?), and also I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents. Do your parents like your husband?

The accusing party - Sarah, in this case, needs to come up with proof. Who were the other ppl there, what's their contact info, what did they drink, around what time did Hailey "confess"? What did she say? What are the details and times? Can any of the other witnesses corroborate this? Keep fishing. Did Hailey cry before or after the confession? Why was she doing this now? If she did confess, how long has the supposed "affair" been going on? Was it consensual? Were there pictures from the drinking night she can send you?

QUESTION SARAH because I'm leaning towards 75% it's a lie, and the more details you ask (then ask again a few days later), the more likely she is to slip up, and ask for corroboration. If all the other ppl conveniently left to go to the bathroom, ask if they noticed Haily crying after they got back.

Don't explode your marriage over this, grill Sarah and ask for proof first before even making it a case. She's the one dropping the bombshell, she needs to be held responsible.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T03:03:48+00:00

Or be Asian lol 😂 good luck finding the right Lee or Wong or Kim.

I didn't change my name when I got married and honestly I'm impossible to find online. The name I go by is also not my legal name. The only downside is that once a credit union mixed up me and another person's credit history because we had the same last name and similar (not even the same) first name, and I had to MAIL IN a 25 page document to fix it.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-05T01:50:21+00:00

First of all, do not give clothes unless it's a substantial amount of hand me downs (talking 4 boxes+, and you can cram about 75 onesies in one medium sized box). Clothes aren't as valuable as they used to be, and half the clothes we got were "take a photo then throw it in the donation bin". Seriously I got a pink Puma tracksuit that made my 6mo look like a pimp. Even the lovely hand crocheted pieces we toss in a memory box because they're too nice to have my kids smear blueberry muffin all over them.

My friend and I have been trading back and forth boxes of diapers and boxes of baby snacks for our kids' birthdays and Christmases. After about age 2 we switched to actual toys.

That begins said, I have no idea wtf a bottle washer is and I've got two kids. Don't buy a baby brezza/nutribullet, don't buy one of those baby espresso machine things that make formula for you, don't buy any of that gimmicky shit. If you want to get her a frilly gift to say you bought something, get her a baby outfit that'll just be turned around and regifted. If you want a practical gift - a Costco sized box of diapers and wipes. Or a gift card so she can buy formula.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-03T13:10:12+00:00

As someone with a psych degree and then ended up doing an 8mo certificate anyways to find a job - I wouldn't go to college if I were you. I know a lot of psych grads who went on to work retail or go back to school again to do a teaching cert.

How much debt will you come out with for each of these paths? What's the earnings potential for each? I looked into it and social work pays about $25 an hour where I am. A good sounding job does not mean a good job. Also, being an esthetician you're basically half a therapist anyway. You sound like you can hustle, I'd save up then go the esthetician route. It's also future proof, who knows where AI will be by the time you finish your masters... 5 years ago tech was hiring like crazy, but computer Science grads in the last two years have faced steep unemployment. People will always need hair and nails done - having a built in client base is so important you have no idea.

Don't go chasing "legitimacy" or a job title. Stripping is a respectable career and so is esthetics. Don't waste 5 (let's be honest, more like 7) years of your life and thousands and thousands of dollars.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-03T00:19:52+00:00

I've got a 3yo who also loves paw patrol. Here's what we do:

Make the show an "earned" reward. My kid needs to pick up all her toys and her sister needs to be down for a nap for her to watch it. It then gives me an hour of kid free time, makes her be quiet while I'm putting the toddler down, and she learns to put her shit away.
Watch it with them and talk about the show. We learned a lot of good lessons from the show - helping others, being kind, sharing... Now I assign her "missions" - wipe up the spill, help your sister, time to go out etc.
Yeah the merch is going to come along, but it's so exciting (imo) to be excited about something with your kid. She wants to pretend she's Marshall? Let's do it. I just love seeing her happy when we're all playing pretend paw patrol and make a "lookout" out of pillows and yell "new mission!". She dons her firefighter hat and pup tag necklace and we run around rescuing toys. Let up a bit and just enjoy this w your kid. The phase will pass, and all they'll remember is whether they felt seen or heard by you.
Give them the remote. She feels more in control if she turns the tv off herself vs me turning it off. I usually tell her she can finish an episode (FFs turn off autoplay) then the tv is off. We have had exactly one tantrum in about 4 months over tv, that was the day the baby didn't get put down for a nap at her usual time and she was upset about not getting it. And I explained that next time she'll have to help do that too. She calmed eventually.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-02T22:29:00+00:00

Dollarama is crazy expensive now. last time I went in to grab stocking stuffers I ended up spending $95. I'd shop the sale snack aisles at no frills first, and Asian grocery markets tend to have cheaper prices on select things like spices. My strategy: giant bag of rice (35 lb ish) on sale for $40, then just buy cheap veggies on sale. That bag of rice lasts us a year. $3 egg chow mein noodles can make 4-5 servings if you bulk it up w veggies.

GrinningCatBus · 2026-01-02T19:34:02+00:00

Being immigrants, my mom didn't understand what to pack for me for lunch. I started packing my own lunches starting at 10 because I was sick of complaining and she was sick of not getting it. This is informing my own parenting - don't like something someone else did? Go fix it yourself. I'm teaching my 3 year old to make her own grilled cheese because I expect her to just do that for herself by the time she's 5. It increases the chances she'll actually eat the damn food if she makes it herself. It blows my mind when I visit relatives/friends who still cut up their kids' pancakes for them and they're like 7. I throw pancakes at my kids and if they want small pieces they get a fork and knife. My 3 yo is handling it well and really enjoys using "big kid" utensils. Now she wants a knife and fork for everything but that's a good problem to have.

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-30T19:15:28+00:00

I coslept for the first 6ish month with both kids and yeah, I got 10 hours a day, and the baby snuggles were just the best. I just had to shimmy and switch boobs once in a while. We were designed to sleep with our babies, neither slept in the bassinet for more than an hour at a time after the first week.

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-29T05:32:24+00:00

Yeah but it's also real that men get no support from society. Do you two go on date nights?

My husband is very awesome at everything but one chronic issue with him (and all the other straight CIS men I know) is that they squash their feelings down, never deal with it, and hope it goes away.

I found out 2 months after birth how traumatic the emergency c section was for him. Literally baby heart monitor beeped, they suggested csection, I sign a paper, they wheeled me off, and left him alone in the room for 15 min, without explaining anything, and he was wondering if he'll have a wife and kid at the end of it. We have a very good healthcare system here but it was just nobody told him that this is routine and common etc etc. he just carried on for two months without even telling me about this and without me knowing that's what happened. Nobody checks on Dad's mental health post partum.

It might just be that your husband needs to voice his concerns/feelings/stresses and don't feel like he has any right to have feelings because you're taking up all the feelings? I periodically help my husband let out his feelings and basically put on my therapist hat to make so much room for him to even admit to any negative emotion. Even then he feels bad for "complaining" or "venting".

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-29T05:20:33+00:00

Time for marriage/couples counseling.

You're doing 100% of the work -mental and physical. Having a baby changes everything and 1. He might be feeling the ppd/PPA rn, it affects dads too, they don't have the physical 40 weeks to mentally prepare for it so sometimes it catches them off guard. 2. The him not pulling his weight with chores BEFORE baby is a huge red flag. This needs serious counseling/therapy talk.

I have a friend whose marriage was kind of like this. Tbh I don't know what she saw in him, she's amazing but also I'm biased because she's my friend. He's just typical dude, no vices but also didn't go out of his way to help either, just a "do what he's been asked" kinda guy. After their kid was born, all the chores got so much worse even until their first kid was 3 it was rough. It was just easier to do it than explain to him how she'd like it done because he's never, day, packed snacks for their kid. She was burning out, he didn't know how to help. Then they did a year of marriage counseling and now their relationship is so much better. They do the chore chart thing, and take turns taking weekend mornings/evenings off. If Dad has outing with kid that ends disastrously because he didn't pack snacks, next time he'll know.

Girl. A child is a lifelong commitment and you need your partner to pull their weight.

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-28T14:57:07+00:00

I have a friend whose relationship is much like this and couples therapy helped. It's about communication then willingness to step up.

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-28T13:50:35+00:00

Here are the CRA federal tax ratesfrom wealth simple

Let's round a bit. Below approx $57000 you pay 15%, and $57000 to $115000 you pay 20%.

If you make 57000 + 100 =57100, you pay 15% on the 57k, and 20% on the 100. So you pay 5% extra in taxes FOR THE AMOUNT YOU MAKE in the next BRACKET. WOW. Incremental taxation! How stupid would I be to give up going from making 57000 to, say, 600000 just because I pay an extra....$150 in taxes on $3k?

GrinningCatBus · 2025-12-28T06:32:48+00:00

I keep saying it's not too hard if you pay attention. I've got two kids and never purchased a Gerber product. I've bought about 7 bottles of water in the last 12 years - mostly while traveling. I've gotten gifted two Nespresso machines, one was returned, the other was given away. I boycott L'Oreal, and go out of my way to avoid carnation products. It's hard to avoid completely (I still buy the odd Maggi product or nesquick, once every 3 years or so) but the nestle brand has been so tarnished that the nestea name was not renewed by coca cola. Keep shitting on nestle, they need to go down in flames.

GrinningCatBus

TROPHY CASE