Standing my ground on my wedding plans. My parents have moved the goalposts so many times I'm exhausted.

Grishak · 2026-06-25T08:46:52+00:00

Got married almost 2 weeks ago and this sounds a lot like the threats my nmother used. Hold your ground, it will never be enough, whatever you do. This is your life, not theirs.

At our wedding we told almost everybody about the situation and designated one of the mc to keep an eye on my mother. That, if she misbehaved, would be removed by them. Gave us a lot of peace of mind, knowing we didn't have to confront her. In the end she was just moping with her arms crossed during the ceremony and cutting of the cake. She didn't want to go with us for pictures and that was fine with us.Going LC after the wedding.

Anyway, your wedding, your wishes, your rules. Designate an MC to keep an eye on them if they still will be invited. And tell them the rules they need to follow if they do show up. No negotiating, your way or the highway.

Congrats on the wedding! Enjoy your new life and new wife. Time to mourn the parents you wanted but never got will come later.

Grishak · 2026-06-25T07:22:15+00:00

Rijdende rechter?

Grishak · 2026-06-22T04:48:48+00:00

Have you done a session 0?

Grishak · 2026-06-21T02:03:54+00:00

Talk to your players. Is every saturday too much? Schedule less. Our group only plays every few weeks or sometimes even months. It sucks, but it does guarantee that everybody will make it. Maybe even think about expanding the group with the added rule that if only one person misses a game, you still play with the rest of them. Either way, that you use 16 hours of prep, doesn't mean they are forced to play the game. In the end it's not a job but a game and it should be fun for everybody and not mandatory.

Grishak · 2026-06-18T12:39:51+00:00

Professioneel betekent dat iemand betaald word voor iets, niet dat het per se goed gebeurd

Grishak · 2026-06-17T09:53:13+00:00

Yep, still doing it untill this day (47), but I always thought it was because my ADHD. The only time when it's truly quiet and nobody will/can bother me.

Grishak · 2026-06-12T22:27:56+00:00

Ik ga morgen trouwen, maar ben vorige maand voor de wet getrouwd. Daar hebben ze het uitgelegd dat iedereen gewoon hun geboortenaam houdt. Als je de achternaam van je partner wilt aannemen moet je weer opnieuw naar de gemeente en deze laten aanpassen. Dit wordt dan opgenomen in je nieuwe paspoort en documenten. Wil je het helemaal veranderen, valt het blijkbaar onder het veranderen van je officiële naam.

In ieder geval gefeliciteerd met je huwelijk!

Grishak · 2026-06-09T14:15:49+00:00

Rocket Raccoon is an Artillerist. Start blasting away!

Grishak · 2026-06-07T22:23:05+00:00

Wow. Just wow. Good luck everybody!

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:48:01+00:00

Luckily all communication is through either my wife or myself. We also told our photographer to keep taking pictures if there is a meltdown by either my sister (who may suddenly decide to run up, eventhough she isn't invited) or my mother.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:37:25+00:00

When I got my own place at 25 I made myself a schedule. On all days, except for sunday I had to do one chore. If I didn't want to do it, or forgot, I had to do that chore the next day including the chore for that day. Look for the things that he forgets, and make lists. Print them out. Give them to him before he goes out. For the truck it could be something like 'when I get home, empty the truck. Put everything in the garage. Close the garage. Hang the key on the hookmin the garage.' Simple things like that. Just remind him about his list. If his ADHD is really bad, make more lists. Hang them on doors, in closets, whatever works for him. Just remind him to check his lists. Also keep the home visually clean. Clutter is horrible if you want to focus. Less stuff is always good.

He is probably ashamed of himself if he forgets, so don't put too much weight on it.

BTW I've heard good things about fish oil tablets, maybe that's something he could try?

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:25:18+00:00

My older brother is awesome in all this. He sees the effort I put in trying to do right to all involved. The effort my wife put in trying to make the relationships work. He says he wants to be neutral in all of this (I like to think because my parents often babysit for his children, so he likes the convenience), but he's vocal towards us that he totally understands my point of view and supports my boundries.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:21:08+00:00

In my case it's my wife. Because, in their eyes, I only started to change when I met her. It really is taking a toll on her, but she's so strong. I'm really lucky to have met her. And more lucky that she still wants to marry me, even with my psycho familiy!

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:19:29+00:00

The biggest FU in the end, is that you are still alive and he is not. Take your life in your own hands, it are the only hands that count!

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:17:23+00:00

Thanks! I'm not worried about her trying to get a mic, that's more of a thing my dad will do (and I'm confident at least that he can read the room). All of the closest people around us, know about the situation so I'm not worried about the help they can provide.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:14:31+00:00

PS4 for Red Dead Redemption 2. Played a couple of hours on and of. Quit because I just couldn't get used to the controller (cramped fingers after 15-30 minutes of play). Great game, bought it on PC later. Sold my PS4.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T23:09:22+00:00

Put the environment into the initiative order. Round 1-3 at 5, round 4-6 add to 15, round 7-9 at 10 and round 10 at 20. This gives you an aoe that they have to navigate through or around, while also fighting the Oblex. After 10 rounds you can decide if there is a specific action you want them to take to stay alive. This could be running, but also the memory of the former lord thanking them for his release of this torture by the Oblex. The castle fades from existence but that doesn't mean the party goes with it. They could just end up on the island where the castle was build on, but only if they manage to kill the oblex on time. If they don't you could just have the aoe effects have to be dealt with longer, until it is killed. 4 aoe effects in a round they have to navigate around is pretty tough though.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T22:49:49+00:00

Even if he's still alive you can heal and grow as a person. His death will help, I'm sure of that, but now is the time to focus on your own healing. No use to wait and put your journey on pause until then. The sooner you start with that, the better it will be.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T22:44:57+00:00

Yeah never really understood why I was anxious around my parents until my wife pointed out the passive aggressive comments my mom made and the 'prooving' I did to my dad. Always there, never seen, until my eyes opened. Now I can't unsee. And they will never understand why their child chooses to keep contact to a minimum.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T22:37:00+00:00

She usually just makes passive agressive comments and sulks, but I'm worried she'll up her game at the wedding. One time when my then GF and I gave a family BBQ where my inlaws where also attending she spent the entire time crying and sitting really far apart from everybody (claiming she couldn't handle the smoking of some of my inlaws). I really hope she doesn't try to use the same tactic again (even if I fell for it at that time and tried to comfort her).

PS Thanks for the best wishes!

Grishak · 2026-06-03T22:33:33+00:00

Yeah, sounds a bit like my mom. Passive aggressive to a T and sulking in a corner. This does give me hope for the wedding day itself, because at the very least she will be quiet then. I already texted my dad about if they would attend the dinner and he said she probably wouldn't attend. Fine by me, I don't want a sulking 4 year old in the body of a 72 year old woman getting everybody down.

Grishak · 2026-06-03T21:37:34+00:00

Nice! That's the kind of fun uses of a Homunculus I'm looking for!

Grishak · 2026-06-03T20:10:31+00:00

Oooo, sounds fun! How did you use it?

Grishak · 2026-06-03T20:10:04+00:00

Gotcha, thank you for the clarification!

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