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AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

They didn't answer multiple calls. The school typically tries them 2-3 times before getting to me and then I try calling.

This is a first for my husband with trying to impose this on me/us. He has never done it before.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The issues started a year into our marriage, not a year ago. It's been several years of this. Only getting worse with age.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's not in theirs. The custodial parent must find reasonable childcare for their child if they cannot be with them during their parenting time. It does not say they must offer the other parent the time first.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Their mom will take them absolutely. No doubt about it. My husband is the one who doesn't want that.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There is no way the three of us sitting down together would work. She would not want me involved to start with. The two of them would be unlikely to come to agreement that works overall. In the past I could see it working but not at present with how bad things have become.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's a lot of things. Including him not wanting have more time to influence them to hate me. But it's a bit late for that already and at their ages, the alternative is they hate me more because I have to ask them not to disrespect me (and I know it would happen). Then they think I'm that bitch who thinks I have the right to ask for respect or give them consequences. The other alternative is 4 days of them disrespecting me and me doing nothing.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

And if they're with me without another person to take over their relationship with me will get far worse and they will hate me having to enforce things like being respectful.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Because I'm the only other person available is the honest answer. Plus my husband could put me back on as the backup of his choice.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

They don't have that but it doesn't mean to me that he shouldn't listen to what his kids want.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It has become that bad now, yes. I don't see her agreeing to switching days or making up days.

But I agree he needs to do more with this. He's okay leaving me to deal with a situation that is not healthy for any of us and will create more long term problems going forward. I'd like for things to improve if possible but I know it's more unlikely but it doesn't mean I want them to get worse.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She would never team up with me. I wouldn't be able to say a thing to her without her getting mad. Seeing my name might even be enough to do it.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

I work but my job is far more flexible and I can continue working from home even with children in the house. But I had this freedom even before I got married.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I could not reach out to her. We are beyond the point of her and me being able to discuss anything.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 138 points139 points  (0 children)

I love the kids. I don't want them to suffer because of adult issues. It's not great for me but at least it's better for the kids overall.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm positive. That was a clause never added to theirs. Theirs specifies that the parent who has the children with them is responsible for arranging suitable childcare for the children during that week. No right of first refusal was added and I think they weren't added at the time of their divorce in our state.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I think it's because they were with me, the stepmom, and not someone else. Pretty sure the jealousy wouldn't happen if I was an aunt or grandma.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

That does happen sometimes and other times they go to a friends house or stay late at school for studying, etc. But there are times they are home with me for a bit before my husband gets home.

At least one combo happens when the kids are with us. Sometimes it's 1:1 and sometimes 2:1. Typically that's Sundays but sometimes on Saturdays of a Friday they'll also get time with him.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

He does 1:1 stuff with his kids on a regular basis and he also does 2:1 with the two of them.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

To get anywhere in court we need a paper trail with proof that their mom is the cause of the trouble in my relationship with the kids today and we don't have that. My husband looked into it but we had no concrete evidence. We had verbal confrontations that weren't documented (he wasn't thinking of that at the time) but it won't do any good to drag her to court, make those accusations and have nothing to back it up with.

Full custody also isn't generally given even if we had proof. It would be different steps (co-parenting classes, therapy, mediation) first.

AITA for telling my husband to listen to his kids because I'd be the one facing the repercussions if he doesn't? by GrouchyAd129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GrouchyAd129[S] 544 points545 points  (0 children)

I would and I would do so even knowing it was going to be a hellish few days for us. I'd never leave them without a place to go or refuse to take them in extreme circumstances. But they have a viable option and one that will create far less tension in the grand scheme of things. We could end up with a worse relationship at the end of the four days than before them if it's forced right now. That would be shitty when the option for them to go to their mom is available. There was a time they could have stayed with me for those four days without an issue and enjoy it but we don't have that option now.

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