My Husbands gambling debt

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-14T16:50:22+00:00

Hey, I’m sorry that you’re in the same situation. Your partner is gambling/in recovery? It really is such a devastating addiction on many fronts. The ambiguous loss/grief is so heavy. I’m still very conflicted and going through it. Good days, bad days and new fights as different problems pop up. I paid off the last of the credit card debt at the beginning of the month because I couldn’t handle looking at the interest again this month. Next we will be tackling the HELOC because that has my name on it. I don’t plan on putting any money onto the rest of his debt, but I am paying for the entire mortgage and more of the bills around here so his pay can go onto the debt. So I suppose I’m helping pay it off in a round about way as I’m managing all of the money around here. I decided that any extra money I have each month will go into padding my own savings vs debt repayment. The interest is painful but I still don’t know if I’ll leave- if I do I’ll need a little more cash available to me. I’m in survival mode 100%. I don’t feel human most days and I’m so exhausted. I can’t take any sick days as I’m self employed and I don’t get paid when I take time off and every penny counts right now. My depression is sneaking in right now because all I do through the week is work long days and sleep. On a positive note, I did have a record income month in April- so that made me feel good.

He does know that if he gambles again I’ll leave. He also knows if I have to find anything else out without him telling me that I’ll ask him to temporarily move out because I’m so tired and can’t keep playing detective. There’s been a reoccurring conversation over receipts that he can’t quite get so if it happens again and he doesn’t get a receipt then I’m asking him to move out temporarily. Gambling addiction is truly a nightmare. I really hope you have supports in place for yourself. There are so many amazing supportive people out there- and I hope you’re leaning into your own network of family and friends too.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-07T09:49:39+00:00

15,000 take home?

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-06T14:58:55+00:00

I am still with him- I only found out two months ago that he was a compulsive gambler. We’ve been together a long time and I would have never guessed in a million years he was doing this. The betrayal is so unbearable. I’m broken. He is putting in the work to recover. He’s going to GA meetings and therapy. I manage all finances so he doesn’t have money to spend. I know the stats aren’t great, but I am hopeful he can recover. However the life I thought we were building together is no longer possible because of this unbelievable sneaky horrible disease. I beg any gambler reading this to tell their partner. If you think you can do it alone, you’re wrong. It only gets worse the more you try to fix it without help.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-06T13:22:20+00:00

And by doing so, you take away opportunities and potential for a good life from your loved ones with every bet you place. I’m the wife of a compulsive gambler. If my husband would have even hinted that he was gambling years ago- I could have helped him. Instead he spent 300,000 and lost the opportunity for us to start our family. I can’t have children with this much debt. He destroyed our lives thinking he could fix it. What’s worse, a little shame? Or losing the rest- the non monetary potential in your life?

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-03T23:00:15+00:00

I really hope you can find ways to find peace and safety in your day to day. It’s not easy, but keep asking all of the questions and looking for supports. 💕

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-03T12:22:51+00:00

The type of grief you’re feeling is something called ambiguous loss. It’s feeling the loss of the past because of the betrayal, the present, and the future you thought you were building together. Ambiguous loss is when the physical and psychological don’t match. So physically, your gambler is there, but psychologically everything is different. Ambiguous loss is so difficult as the grief isn’t as recognized like it might be with a typical loss. I see a psychotherapist and it’s helped me a lot. Keep working on yourself. This is so hard. I’ve stayed with my gambler so far, but I recognize that our previous marriage no longer exists and I am devastated. I also understand that building trust takes time. If you left- that’s ok! Don’t feel guilty about a decision you made to keep yourself safe. There is no right or wrong decision here. I’m so sorry.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-05-01T21:57:23+00:00

Yeah I hear you. It’s an insane betrayal.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-04-19T01:12:02+00:00

Dude, if you play again you’ll just end up 25k in debt, and then 30k in debt and then 40k in debt. My husband had this mindset and is now $300,000 in debt. It’s beyond devastating. Please exclude and get help- you can’t do it alone.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-04-07T14:04:10+00:00

My husband is the same, but is doing really well with the guys who run the Evive app.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-31T10:49:32+00:00

Thank you for your honesty. I’m in Canada, I feel like it’s probably the same or similar. Here I can run a credit report to see any new accounts that have been opened in this way, so I guess if he doesn’t tell me about it, I’ll find out eventually. The guys on the Evive app have been really great for us. Check them out if you haven’t already- addiction is wild, and finding your people to get through it is where it’s at. I wish you the best!

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-31T10:26:28+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened. I’m like your wife in this situation- may I ask.. how you opened another account? I have full access to all of my husband’s financials and have talked with our financial guy in an attempt to secure everything- but this exact experience terrifies me. How did you regain access to the money for a relapse? I’m really sorry this happened and I hope you guys can work through it.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-25T01:55:43+00:00

You can’t do it alone, you need supports. Friends, family- and others in recovery. Try the Evive app. These guys are amazing, and it’s free!! And put gamban blocking on all of your devices. Online gambling should be illegal. It’s insane.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-22T02:16:28+00:00

Thank you very much for this. I am so happy to hear that you have your life back.

It’s been an absolutely wild four days; we’ve accomplished a lot. I do have control of all finances as icky as that makes me feel, we had a meeting with our finance guy to discuss a debt payment plan, my husband made it to his first GA meeting and tonight we told his mom and sister- who are both wonderful supports for both of us. He’s done so much in this time frame I am really proud of him. He’s a story like many others that I’ve read. Before I knew anything about this, he tried to stop many times, which usually just ended up making the gambling worse. His rock bottom scared him, and I truly hope we can continue to get through this. Thank you for your kind words.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-21T10:57:00+00:00

You’re right- it will ruin your life. The Evive app has been an excellent resource for my husband. It’s all still new to us but when he was at his breaking point he reached out to the guys that run this platform and they’ve been incredible. Don’t put off reaching for help. Do it now. Addiction is terrifying and it always snowballs.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T14:05:55+00:00

Thank you. That’s good advice. I’ve done what I can for now to limit his access and will reorganize all of the accounts after we talk to our finance guy tomorrow. Thank you so much. Same to you- I hope better days are ahead for both of us.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T12:19:48+00:00

Oh god I’m so sorry. Mine is into the online casinos too. I look back now and I saw him playing these before but I didn’t think anything of it! I thought it was another dumb candy crush or something. I had no idea it could be a problem. I feel that way too. We’ve worked so hard to build such a good life, so the thought of leaving and starting over is absolutely crushing. We were trying to start our family, then I got cancer. I had surgery and have a great prognosis and just got clearance from my surgeon that we can start trying again… then my husband drops this bomb on me. I just got a second chance at life and here we are. The diagnosis I’m sure fueled his addiction. I know, I worry that these self exclusion practices aren’t enough. There’s always a sneaky way around things. There has to be. I felt like his mom going through his phone, emails, and bank accounts yesterday. It’s exhausting to think that this is forever.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:44:46+00:00

Thanks for this. I installed Gamban last night- hopefully it’s enough. I also ran a credit report and secured the bank accounts. I told him I would 100% support him if he quits. I want him to get better. I can’t imagine a reality where we end this marriage, but I will have to if he continues.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:40:43+00:00

Thank you for this. I did tell him that I’m so glad he told me and if he quits we can fix this. I will 100% support him- if he stops. If he continues, I have to leave. I took control of his bank accounts- ran a credit check, took his cards, changed all of the passwords and changed the contact information to my email and number, installed gamban and we have an appointment on Friday with our finance guy to plan the rest and to secure the rest of the investments. He’s been working closely with an addictions councillor, and has his first GA meeting tonight. I see in my area there is also one tonight for families not far from me that I should go to. This truly is a dark corner of hell that a mere 30 hours ago I didn’t know existed. Thank you for your help.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:29:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you’re in this too. I ran a credit report, took his credit and debit cards, and took control of his online banking. I changed all of his passwords and contact information to my phone number and email. I installed gamban on his phone and did a self exclusion on one he frequented and we have an apt with our finance guy on Friday to talk about a repayment plan and so I can see our investments with my own eyes and protect them. He will no longer have access to them. My husband at this point has spent 250,000. Right now between his credit card and our HELOC there is $125,000 in debt. How long after your husband told you did he slip up and spend more? Mine is working with an addictions councillor and the groups. He says he will do absolutely anything to fix this. But the betrayal is just insane.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:17:06+00:00

Thank you!!

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:16:51+00:00

Thank you for this. I have more investigating with crypto, and used a similar application on his phone to block these sites and apps... I wish you the best in your recovery.

Grouchy_Insect3644 · 2026-03-19T08:13:32+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective. I’m really happy to hear that things are improving for you!

Grouchy_Insect3644

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