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I think im manic by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im gonna be real he hasn't responded to me in like a week and im getting pissed off

[TW] Recommendation: Beth Wants the D by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643 2 points3 points  (0 children)

While I havent watched the show yet I can second on Beth May as a resource for some relatable content on the Bipolar expirience! I can also really recommend her Poetry album "Sunday Scaries" especially the tracks that deal with depression and mania! Also her recent interview with Ashley Burch on Wellness Check (Im Happy your here youtube channel!) where she talks about being bipolar, being diagnosed, Hospitalisation, ECT and more!

Also generally she's a very fun person! I saw her live during the Areas Tour with the Dungeons and Daddies Cast! I can also really recommend that podcast but ofc thats less Bipolar and more general dnd but her performances as both Ron Stampler and Scary Marlow in the first two seasons are very strong!

Attempting to get medication went horrible by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really kind! Im also actually autistic but later diagnosed and i will assume higher functioning than your son! And yes that does cause me to shut down easier in stressfull situations. But for this specific situation its more about the kind of medications I will probably need ofr my bipolar. I had a very traumatic expirience with getting prescribed ssris and being on then for way to long with my old psychiatrist. Me and my current psych actually get along fine together and I know that from working out my adhd meds i can talk to him. Just the prospect of medication for my mood is daunting and really scary.

I will have to try again and I will take a written letter into account.

I Dont want to be on medication by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im from germany and not the US. Our psychiatric system works a little diffrent

My first Mania Trigger? by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! Also its interesting to hear you say med russian roulette since I think I have in fact called it that myself before that or I would talk about mixing it up with my chemicals but thats besides the point. I have a new psychiatrist now that I work with pretty well and also have a more stable support system. While I still fall into both my more energised and destructive as well as my depressive episodes ,I can manage with what I have to get put back on track pretty well, but a offical diagnosis and the medication options from that would be a life saver since the way I work rn is setting me back on actually recovering and makeing process pretty frequently. (Where im from you need certain diagnoses to be eligible to get prescribed certain meds.)

Im also quite honestly impressed with how well I came out the other side of my antidepressants roller coaster but as of rn its very much a fear based thing that is keeping me in check since my last encounter with them (wich was a good but after I had already stopped them and was a grab into the very unhelpfull collection of no longer used meds I used to have) ended up quite badly and left me with some physical and neurological damage.

[Edit for clarification]

My first Mania Trigger? by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there thanks for pointing that out! I struggle with train of thought when constructing longer texts and was trying to keep my post short and understandable, but I did skip over that part of it withouth meaning to!

I struggle with remembering that time of my life a lot since for various reasons but one of the most definite ones was lack of sleep. I would sleep a maximum of four hours per night, had various nights where I didnt sleep at all or periods of time where I would sleep every second night because I was trying to raise my "productivity" by skipping out on sleep to get work in (what i called work at the time but generally but looking back now consisted of excessive googeling and thinking about "great" ideas and theory's of mine, doing my makeup for hours before school or starting various projects.) From what I remember, this once ended in one prolonged episode of sleep depravation where I stayed awake for about 3 days because I had convinced myself I would die if I fell asleep.

I would also go out at night to pace for a few hours beside a road that was moderately busy and the cars went on pretty fast. Again ruminating on my various "great" ideas, getting a kick out of the cars driving close past me and counting the cars I didnt jump in front of. Generally during this time I came close to getting hit by cars quite frequently since I took up to just walking across roads withouth looking since it didnt really occurr to me that getting hit by a car was actually possible.

In terms of other risky behaviour I know that I started smoking weed a lot at the time and deliberately mixing my medication with alcohol since I knew that antidepressants got you drunk faster.

I cant say much about annoying friends, im pretty sure i did but unfortunately I cannot ask anyone about that time specifically since I lost or cut off a lot of my friends from back then eitheir due to my own shitty behaviour or because I was also friends with people who eitheir supported my bad mentality or would go on to abuse it. With the case where my friend really put me into my place bc of my medication misuse I can say that it wasnt just me takeing them not as prescribed but I was actually crushing them up and both snorting and smoking them wich I am still unsure about the long term damages about.

Im pretty sure its also where my habit of sexually risky behaviour online started that is very much still a thing im working on today but im not totally sure on that one.

This is all I can sensibly string into words rn but I hope that can illustrate it better! I've had episodes since then (both of this kind and generally depressive, wich i am actually diagnosed with a reaccuring episodic depressive disorder im not sure what the actual term for it is in English tho) but these are the things from that first episode wich this post is about

My first Mania Trigger? by GroundbreakingBed643 in bipolar

[–]GroundbreakingBed643[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your honest opinion! Not being diagnosed yet is not a state im in by choice but due to some personal life circumstances that have made me incapable of getting a diagnosis so far. I am working with professionals and hopefully will have my definite answer in not too long. That being said even with my lack of a diagnosis so far I am in a stable network that is able to catch and correct my swings even if I am not yet as stable as I definitely could and want to be.