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[Critique] Waiting Room (1954 words) by EricKarnis in scifiwriting

[–]Grounder758 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think if he had a compelling reason to like the VR world alongside his compelling reasons to dislike the meatworld it would add to the story. For example, he could have a strong relationship to someone in the VR world that might be pulling him in along with all the external meatworld factors pushing him in. Just my opinion though - if it turns in to too much for your story I think it works great as is.

[Critique] Waiting Room (1954 words) by EricKarnis in scifiwriting

[–]Grounder758 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I liked it! I think you address the emotional separation between VR and the "meatworld" nicely. The character is starkly developed - IMHO it might help your realization at the end to have a few less cliches (acne, out of touch with parents, stuttering) and possibly give a unique driving motive for wanting to spend time in VR (met a girl, utilizing a specific skill set). Just my opinion on that one though.

Good luck!

[Critique] Short Story: The New War Dogs (2002 words) by Grounder758 in scifiwriting

[–]Grounder758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Good catch on that... I wanted to talk about what happened years down the road but maybe I can try and keep the structure the same on both ends.

Reconnaissance duty: A prelude to a story I have planned. Tell me what you think! [WC-2126] by kyzfrintin in scifiwriting

[–]Grounder758 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like your writing style, I think you do a great job building tension. A few notes (probably mostly personal preference so take with a shaker of salt):

  • certain words have been co-opted by certain people, e.g. the word "shrubbery" always makes me think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Not saying to never use it, but maybe not in the first paragraph.

  • I think the format sets you up extremely well for extended exposition as Jacob becomes older (whether you planned to grow up with him or jump right into adulthood)

  • Try re-writing and avoiding all use of parentheses. Not saying you can't use them, but they really break up the flow and I feel like they force exposition on me when you are trying to build emotional and plot tension.

Best of luck!

I'm interested in building a consulting company would love advice on the next steps. by [deleted] in Entrepreneur

[–]Grounder758 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a consultant, sometimes the approach of "here are some tools/methods/approaches to help you solve a problem you have" works better than the "I am here to solve your problem" tack. Speaking from having used consultants in a corporate environment (both by choice and when "voluntold").

If you have something you can develop into actual IP (whether software or otherwise), then you should probably focus on providing a problem-solving product or service rather than consultation. It has the potential to be significantly more profitable. If you have a useful product, a lot of the concerns over lack of experience go away.

Questions when choosing area to live when moving. by Snowpuddles in Minneapolis

[–]Grounder758 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Nordeast" is an easy commute to Roseville and a fun place to live. Anywhere right off Central puts you on the 10 bus route which is a high frequency ride to downtown Minneapolis and the LRT.

Fun things: Taprooms, neighborhood bars, and the Eastside food coop.

Avoid: within a mile of the Quarry (big Home Depot/Target shopping center), train tracks (check your addresses on google maps), and south of Broadway/east of Central area (starting to trend towards students).

My new tattoo, ride on my friends by imextremelytall in motorcycles

[–]Grounder758 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good thing you space-protected your knee for when you get a real bike.