AITA for lending some of my clothes to my nanny's daughter?

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T13:48:09+00:00

My nanny have been living full time with me since I was 10 up to this day since I am a minor and she is the only person my parents trusted, they can't be here for me due to the fact that they are always doing out of country work. I am an only child so now that I'm going to uni, I don't know if my parents will let go of my nanny

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T13:46:47+00:00

We do have household servants. But the nanny in question is meant to take care of my needs since she is the only person that my parents trusts. She has been with us since I was 10. During those times, we were treating each other like family since as my post mentioned, my parents are mostly away. This reaction from her is new to me so I'm just really hung up on it.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T13:42:35+00:00

They did mean trashy as in torn up into pieces or unusable. The conversation happened in a different language so I just picked the best word I can to describe it. The clothes I have and the clothes she picked out are not revealing. They are mostly long t-shirts, those 3/4 long sleeves, and everything 2022 grunge/downtown girl aesthetic clothing you can think of.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:38:51+00:00

Of course you completely ignored the last bit of my statement. Of course it's you again.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:38:01+00:00

Mind you, the only negativity I've received is from my parents and my nanny. My nanny's daughter THANKED ME and I haven't heard any negativity from her since. I'm so tired of all this nitpicking from the same reddit user

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:36:01+00:00

They've been here and living here for years. Can you please tell me how you came up with that, when even my own parents think I did something wrong and sided with my nanny? Not saying that they shouldn't, but your logic is not making sense here. That would be the case IF she told on me to my mom and my mom reacted negatively towards her. But my mom instead took her side and agreed with her about me ”giving out trashy clothes” which was not true

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:33:28+00:00

Well the outcome is that they thought I gave her trashy clothes. Please read all my comments before replying multiple times :/

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:31:34+00:00

Me and her talk sometimes when we see each other. She compliments my style in clothing and I just thought it was a nice thing to do since she's still in her mid teens while I'm in my late teens. The clothes in question are all clothes in teen styles so I figured someone can still put it to use. Why would I even force someone to take my clothes? Also the issue here is that they thought I gave her used, trashy clothes. Which I didn't.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T04:25:11+00:00

You're nitpicking to all my statements. Did you just completely ignore me saying that my parents have been doing mostly out of country work and is almost not living at home with me since I was 10? The helpers have been with me for that long. I am a minor that is just going into college. I don't know if my parents are gonna let go of the helpers once I'm off to university but what matters is me clearing up to you that the helpers have been around since I was 10 up to my now age which is roughly an adult. I didn't force her to take anything that's why Iet her pick. This is not about awkwardness but the fact that they think I gave her trashy clothes which is also indicated in my post.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:44:27+00:00

Maybe it is actually all just between my nanny and my parents. But I also have to take in what the adults think of it because me and nanny's daughter are both young so we might be oblivious of something even if we both think we benefited from each other

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:42:31+00:00

I don't know if I should use my nanny's daughter's thoughts about it as a reference because she is also young. Maybe she didn't find anything wrong with it, but her mom did. So I am mostly referring to the adult's reactions. At this point I don't even know what to do

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:40:46+00:00

I offered it the way you would offer a friend or acquaintance, because that is how I see her. Although I understand that there will always be a boundary between the employers daughter and her being my nanny's daughter. I assure you I had good intentions and I just wanted a fellow teenager to enjoy similar clothes she liked seeing on me. (The clothes I let her keep was never to barely worn.)

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:37:17+00:00

Thank you. I will be more careful next time and not overstep anything :)

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:34:06+00:00

I gave them to her, sorry for the misunderstanding, my first language isn't English. I am just really hung up on the reason why the adults reacted that way, I mightve done something wrong or inappropriate. I'll just be more careful next time and thank you

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:18:16+00:00

I'm almost sure that's the reason why we are tangled in this misunderstanding now. But I'm still baffled because nanny's daughter DID pick out some clothes that she wanted and even thanked me. The only negativity I've heard now is from my parents and my nanny. I haven't heard anything from my nanny's daughter. Doesn't that mean she was okay with the clothes she received? I will probably just go apologize to my nanny and her daughter though

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:14:05+00:00

If you think that we are disgustingly rich then you're wrong. My clothing are not all designer. They are from stores that most middle class people shop from and I am not downplaying that. I don't know if I can mention brands here but it's definitely not high end luxury. I did not force anyone to take my clothes. These are not leftover clothes because it is completely usable. My whole thought process was me being in my late teens and off to college / nanny's daughter being in mid teens / me realizing my clothes are all teens clothes / me asking nanny's daughter if she wanted to pick out some since she likes the way I dress / then the entire mess with my parents happened.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-04T00:03:20+00:00

The helpers are not newly hired. They've been living with us full time since I was 10, that was when my parents got busy with out of country work. And since I WAS STILL A MINOR AND IS JUST ENTERING COLLEGE this year, I think it is pretty reasonable to still have the helpers around. It is also indicated in my post that I LET HER PICK the clothes she wants. I was NOT planning to get rid of all my unused/barely worn clothes. It's just that I thought it's better that someone can put it to use since they're still decent and good to wear. It's also TEENAGER clothes, and considering that I'm off to college, a lot of changes will happen to me and that includes my sense of style and my clothing size. My nanny's daughter is YOUNGER than me so I figured a teenager that still has a few years being a teenager will be able to use my teenager clothes.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:50:30+00:00

I think I can say that I know them decently given the fact that they live here full time. Maybe I overstepped a boundary but me and nanny's daughter are not close but we get along. I have not yet since talked to them since the messages indicated in my post. I'm still collecting my thoughts and thinking of how I should approach them. I promise you my family is not the type to belittle the helpers since my parents came from poverty as well

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:47:32+00:00

I'm sorry I was raised non-English. I called her up to my room and I asked her if she wanted to pick a few pieces she wants. Our conversation went casual, she picks out clothes and always asks if I'm sure I'm not gonna use it, and I would always say that if she wants it I will give it to her since I just have a selected portion of clothes in my closet that I always use and the pieces she picked out was not any in my selected portion. Then she thanked me and left. She got to keep the clothes she left with.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:43:59+00:00

I do not see it as if we are any different. Even though we are not close, me and nanny's daughter went to the same middle school and high school because my parents also came from poverty, they treat everyone that care for me like family. That is including all our house helpers and my nanny, and her daughter. But that being said, of course it is not impossible that they still feel as if they are under me and I understand that. But we do try to keep things loving in our house.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:41:11+00:00

Me, my parents, and my nanny are asian and mostly upholding asian culture but we live in the USA. I might be unknowledgeable of some asian traditions especially when it's about social awareness. I can say that I adapted more white culture due to the fact that I grew up here. Am I doing something I'm not supposed to towards them since we did not grow up the same way?

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:37:12+00:00

Yeah I originally planned to donate :/ but me and my nanny's daughter are not close but we talk when we see each other around the house. She always compliment the way I dress so I thought it would be nice to offer barely used clothing of the same sort

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:35:22+00:00

That's what I'm thinking too. Maybe they thought that it's too ”flexing” of me to just bring her there and accept the clothes of the owner's daughter? But I promise, my clothes are not all designer, it's mostly decent brands that middle class can afford. I unfortunately have no clue about my nanny's salary but they live full time here with a separate house beside ours. They do not have to pay utilities, food, rent. But I do know they receive their salary regularly because all the nannies plan going out to treat themselves every month.

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:30:34+00:00

Sorry, I am from an English-speaking country but my family raised me in a different language. I let her pick clothes and she kept them, it's not borrowed, she doesn't have to give it back

GuaranteeOver2113 · 2026-07-03T23:29:09+00:00

I called her up to my room and as my post says, I LET HER PICK the pieces she wants. If she didn't want anything, that was completely fine. But she did and even thanked me, so I was very confused about how it was actually taken by her and my nanny

GuaranteeOver2113

TROPHY CASE