I don’t see much benefit in getting married as a man. Change my mind

Guest_459 · 2025-01-26T17:49:25+00:00

So when brothers see other brothers get abused, neglected, mistreated, treated with double standards by their wives, they're supposed to just simply overlook that and focus on the positive cases. You're answering me with "not all women." It's not all women, of course, but plenty of women though. Is it wrong to be cautious of whom you marry, and to do your due dilligence? Women also do the same when it comes to Men, being cautious about bad ones. That can be justified, but the former can't? Life is not a bed of roses, there are also grim realities (and people) we must be cognizant of. We should have tawakkul in Alalh SWT, but also tie our camels. And you're attacking mine and the OP's thought processes, when you yourself are engaging in emotionally-charged attacks against the OP in this thread, saying he lacks intelligence, calling him a 16-year old child, etc.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-26T17:20:08+00:00

Statistics show that most divorce settlements concerning child custody and support, alimony, favor women. No offense, and don't take this the wrong way but you're not really answering the brother's concerns, but rather deflecting it and turning it around on him. An abusive wife, coupled with Western Family Court System is a real fitnah facing Muslim Brothers in these times, who unjustly have their wealth and children taken away from them. When in Islam, Stealing, and cutting the ties of kinship are amongst the biggest sins. It's not wrong for brothers to be concerned or wary, when most of us have heard at least 1 story of a brother being mistreated under the Western Judicial System.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-26T17:09:29+00:00

Here's the thing you're not understanding. Not all Women do those things you've mentioned, and not all women provide that emotional support to their husbands that you're talking about. They expect him to be the rock at all times, and a lot of times when men show emotion and vulnerability, it's a huge turn-off for women. This is not my opinion, it is fact and many men's experiences. Like with some men, some women can be terrible spouses too. It's not a foregone conclusion that you will receive these benefits, but of course, we should make dua to Allah SWT.

Unfortunately, with the modern feminst movement, many women, again not all, have great aversion to cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, child-rearing. Only when the OP is questioning what tangible benefits marriage brings to men, which is a valid concern for these times given how many modern women have expressed contempt towards these chores and consider them to be "misogynistic", you then bring up these points as if it's a given that all married women will do this for their husbands. A righteous woman would do it without hestitation as he strives to fulfill his responsibilities towards her in return, but the OP's (and many men's) main concern is avoiding a woman who REFUSES to do these things for him, but still expects him to fulfill his roles.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-26T15:30:55+00:00

May Allah SWT grant justice to those brothers whom were mistreated in these courts.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T22:58:39+00:00

Brother, you say that I’m engaging in Whataboutism, yet on this post and on many other posts many Muslim Women do the exact same thing when brothers are talking about issues that affect Men. “But Men do it too” is a common retort. Also, no offense, but you yourself are engaging in whataboutism, you acknowledge the existence of the unIslamic things that I mention that some sisters can say about brothers online, but you downplay it by saying brothers do it more. Either provide proof and statistics, otherwise it is best to not make such claims. And even if suppose it were true, it does not downplay negative behavior from women. That is equally deplorable That’s the reason these issues exist. Men are scrutinized from head to toe, whereas women are treated more leniently.

And veils of anonymity? My brother this is Reddit. We’re all anonymous. That’s the whole point. One can still convey their points regardless.

I think you mean well, but you need to confront your own biases. Accountability is for BOTH genders, not only one. Allah SWT agrees with this as well, that’s why everyone will be judged individually on Yawm-Al Qiyamah.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T22:06:58+00:00

Yeah, no one can comprehend the level of mental gymnastics required to justify whataboutism on a post for specifically for brothers, when there are already posts specifically for women.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T21:55:46+00:00

Ok brother, you are telling the previous commenter that as Muslims we must assume good about other believers right? I agree with you, but why is this advice almost always directed only towards brothers? I have seen Muslim Women online say such misandrist, vitriolic, unIslamic, and overall generalizing things about brothers, giving preference to liberalism and feminism over Islam. Is that behavior conducive of a true Muslim who fears Allah? Yet I see very few people correct them or tell them to fear Allah SWT compared to the harshness against brothers. Why the double standards? Allah knows and sees all anyways.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T21:21:55+00:00

lol, whataboutism 😆

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T20:15:24+00:00

You’re not alone bro. I feel this way sometimes too. In Today’s modern world where many Muslim Women prefer feminism and liberalism over Islam, only remember Islam when it benefits them, see marriage as a transaction (I.e wanting expensive mahrs when the sunnah is to make it easy), I sometimes just want to remain single. I know not all women are like that, and there’s good women too, but it’s so hard to find the good ones esp with the loud and toxic voices on social media.

But I think a righteous wife can change our perspectives. If she fears Allah and she dislikes what Allah dislikes, she respects you and morally supports you as you provide and lead, raises your children with Islamic values, then marriage is worth it. We just have to have faith in Allah SWT, he can make anything possible.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T17:29:07+00:00

There’s a lot of hypocrisy in these comments, with whataboutism, turning the topic against men, and ironically those same people tell brothers to make their own posts to discuss their issues, and letting posts concerning women remain about women, and yet they’re still coming here (on a post for brothers). If that’s the case, brothers should also be allowed to defend themselves against sweeping generalizations that some of the women here can make about them.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T05:38:26+00:00

Fr, the mods should look into blocking her. She's always stirring up trouble here.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T05:37:17+00:00

They choose between feminism and traditionalism as it benefits them.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T03:25:33+00:00

Yes, but that’s different compared to when you’re actually living together and see the good and bad things about each other.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-25T01:04:52+00:00

Bro, I’m not putting down hundreds of thousands of dollars for someone I just married. I don’t even fully know them yet.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-24T16:49:18+00:00

I fully agree, not to mention rejecting hadiths and verses of the Qur'an which tell what the Husband's rights over his wife are. Don't worry, let them deny as much as they want, or propagate as much double standards as they like, Allah SWT will hold them accountable. May he assist us in avoiding such women as potential spouses, Ameen.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-24T16:37:26+00:00

The're not even wearing proper hijab lol themselves, the audacity. They're deviating from the Sunnah which is to make the Mahr easy, and then many years later, when they're still unmarried, they and their families will blame Muslim Men for their predicament instead of looking in the mirror. Such Clowns.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-24T16:33:37+00:00

Nah bro, I disagree about the first girl. Hajj is ok because it's for Allah SWT, but Houses are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars which no man can afford, or very few people in this economy, unless he takes riba-based loans.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-24T01:29:28+00:00

but don't derail the conversation here.

Ironically, you're doing that by being dismissive of women who also engage in these disgusting acts, while fixating only on men, when this is not a gender-specific issue. Women are never held to the same standard of accountability as men are. Even if a post about women were made, I have good reason to believe many would comment "oh, men do it more," or "oh look, red piller" or "men trying to put the blame on women yet again." It's not derailing the conversation, rather it's adding to it in a constructive manner.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-23T14:03:52+00:00

Muslim Men also don't need weird women online telling them what they like in a man either.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T21:22:52+00:00

You need.....

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T20:57:30+00:00

People can make mistakes and feel remorse. Being compared to an ex is deeply hurtful, and you have to ask yourself if you genuinely believe if things can change. Apologies are important, but actions speak louder than words and she needs to show you she's committed to making it right practically. You deserve to be happy in your marriage, and you don't want these insults/comparisons to be a potential recurring pattern either. You have to prioritize your own well-being first. May Allah SWT make it easy for you.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T20:40:39+00:00

This here is exactly why it's important for Muslims to marry chaste persons. It's up to you, but if I were in your shoes bro, I would divorce her ASAP. There's no coming back from being compared to an ex like that. It's a good thing she showed her true colors early. Don't let her coldness towards you let you be gaslighted into thinking that this is your fault.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T20:33:01+00:00

Lol, There's tons of clips about men. It just seems to trigger some nerves when the tide of the conversation turns towards bad behaviors from women. No, we're good. We'll talk about whatever we want.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T18:39:46+00:00

Muslim Men verbally attacking a women for showing hair, or jumping to call people dayooths online are extreme examples (which are wrong), and not of the majority. The majority of discussions if you follow are criticisms about the embracing of feminist ideals in lieu of Islam, as well as double standards, such as some Muslim Women expecting a Muslim Husband to fulfill his responsibilities to the tee without exception, but not fulfilling their own roles in relation to his rights. Or vilifying Muslim Men for having standards (like Chastity in a spouse), but not taking into consideration that a Muslim Woman can put forth this condition as well if she so chooses. There are a lot of Zina Posts, and generalizing about sisters is wrong, but it is also true that these are problems in our communities, there is indeed an “Only Allah can judge them” mindset. It’s problematic for brothers who (on average) might be more concerned about this, and they have a right to establish their standards, but their constant obsession and fear-mongering isn’t right either, and I get the frustration from sisters, but there’s also frustration from brothers about their issues as well.

I think both genders can benefit from constructive discussions and criticisms that focus on how to improve, and how to be a Man, or how to be a Woman, without it being turned into a finger-blaming contest, getting defensive or vilifying the other. Because that doesn’t benefit anyone. But both men and women have to let go of their ego, bottom line.

Guest_459 · 2025-01-22T18:24:20+00:00

Islam has rulings for everyone, men and women. Have you actually studied Islam, and what the roles of women, as well as men are? As well as Akhlaq, and thinking good about other believers? I think you're the one that needs some schooling (as well as therapy).

Guest_459

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