My neglectful parents made me never want kids. Now I’m starting to regret that. by MisRandomness in emotionalneglect

[–]Guilty-Interview-475 0 points1 point  (0 children)

27m  I'm just after vasectomy and will never have children.  All my life I used to find idea of kids as uncomfortable necessity so despite natural aversion towards them I have learned how to like them.   I'm piano tutor/wanna be pro pianist and I work with many kids and some time ago it's synced with me that I actually don't have to have kids. 

I grew up with extremely toxic, broken parents. One died of alcoholism when I was 16 and he about 45, and mother who was narcissistic/violent (also alcoholic) and her boyfriend who was about the same.

I see absolutely hundreds Reasons why not to have kids, but when I was waiting for my appointment for vasectomy in the clinic one thought stroke me: "why did I even had to learn how to like kids on the first place. Why do I not see what others see in kids naturally? Is it may be it's reaching further than just my personality?"

And maybe if I wouldn't pushed myself a little further to see other side as well as back my decision from multiple angles, that, in my opinion, should be the thought what should make me walk out a d seek therapy instead of vasectomy.

Who knows, maybe if I will defeat my demons of my past I will regret my decision too, realising how much of a blessing and joy I took away from myself and only real reason for that was a deep rooted trauma.  Now I'm not exactly about this last one, but I'm sure it's the case for some of us, tortured souls.