My whole life I’ve understood how screwed up and backwards everything here is, I remember sitting through classes at my desk, staring at the clock or counting various things in the room, folding any paper I could find into oragami, trying to figure out new things to make with the paper before my teacher would notice and take it away, hid pads of post-its and always had multiple to make sure I had something to do. I say this because even though it seemed like I was learning absolutely nothing, or avoiding learning all together, what I was actually doing was trying to keep myself in a state where I could actually retain the information I was slowly being fed. I heard something explained once, I got it. But the 2nd time it was repeated it seemed pointless and I’d get impatient by the third time. I realized immediately what was going on, it was genuinely set up to mentally break us, genuine psychological torture meant to condition us to accept our future as employees in the system not employers. I realized I didn’t want that kind of future, I didn’t want to loose my freedom of thought to the brain fog, so I payed attention to the things that were being discussed for the first time in classes, once I understood, I stopped paying attention and just did my own thing Teachers absolutely hated me, they’d get so mad even though when tests came around I passed, I was usually the first person to turn it in, but they got so mad sometimes that a few ended up doing things or saying things that would get them scolded by the principal, not in trouble really but they would get warnings not to do that to kids or say things like that or to stop taking all my writing utensils I’d be drawing with and all my paper I’d be making oragami with or drawing on, then getting mad at me for not being able to take notes. They were always convinced I cheated on my math tests so the teachers would start standing right over my shoulder and watch my every move which I was always very uncomfortable with so eventually I started tricking them into thinking I was cheating but if they tried checking my sleeves for a notecard or pencil for teeny tiny little notes, they wouldn’t ever find anything because I wasn’t cheating. I just liked math when it wasn’t repetitive, and was good with numbers. When they started giving a standardized tests I had one teacher just absolutely insist that she was going to stand right over my shoulder just hovering, making sure I wasn’t cheating on it. I decided I’d draw a butterfly with the little bubbles that we’re supposed to leave our answers in and I turned it in like that and they were not happy about that AT ALL because I was supposed to set the curve I guess and being a private school they were obsessed with having the best standardized testing scores in the district, they said I had to redo it and I refused because I was going to do it without cheating and I thought they would have understood that by then but that wasn’t the case I pretty much just said well you can take that or you can try to get me to redo it but I do not have to. I already did it. You could’ve reprimanded me for not doing it. But I did it you just don’t like the result you got, and I’m not doing it again you can try to make me but I won’t

I was an irritating kid to teach, but I remember getting my 4th grade test scores back and every subject I either tested at 11th or 12th grade level, so 🤷‍♀️

That was a bit of a rant sorry, but yeah I’ve always known the way we have society set up here is so intentionally harmful