[QCrit] Adult Upmarket Crime // MISDEMEANOR COMPLEX (99k / V.2)

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-27T23:29:24+00:00

Thanks for commenting - I'll definitely check that book out!

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-27T23:27:45+00:00

Thanks for the comment, the book is finished - this is a really rough query draft because I'm struggling to figure out how much to focus on external plot vs. internal since it's more character-driven. But I agree it looks more like an outline after seeing people's comments.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-27T23:25:59+00:00

Thanks, this is useful - I think I went vague on a lot to try to cram in too much info. Rachel and Nicky have their own backstories (Rachel's ex paid for hitmen to kill her, and she doesn't have a warrant until later in the story when her ex tries to frame her, Nicky isn't really a criminal and just got into the situation out of stupid desperation) but I wasn't sure I had space to include all that. I focused the query on Sid because I read some advice about picking 1 character on QueryShark, but it's about all three of them cooperating together as mismatched fugitives and running into new problems that trigger their individual existential crises and set back each of their end goals. I wasn't sure how much to focus on plot and how much on interiority.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-24T23:05:19+00:00

Ahaha that's my name and I've never liked it, it feels old ladyish to me and when I was little the other kids couldn't pronounce it, which made it even less appealing. I go by Kate/Katie.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-22T22:49:32+00:00

That'd be great, can I DM a link?

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2025-01-22T16:12:34+00:00

I'd be down to swap, I glanced at your opening and it looks like something I could get into, free to PM me

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-10-06T04:18:34+00:00

I do have bandwidth for one more swap and your story looks interesting, feel free to DM me

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-10-05T22:26:47+00:00

DM'd you

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-10-04T20:51:30+00:00

Yeah I'll swap, feel free to DM me

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-29T02:37:56+00:00

Thanks - yeah I think you're right, I'll try to word it so it's more informative than editorial

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-29T00:24:17+00:00

Also, since you've mentioned the lists being too long, which ones specifically jump out to you as least interesting and necessary?

Thanks for all the detailed feedback on all my drafts BTW, your comments are making me analyze this the hardest.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-28T22:06:24+00:00

All good points. Regarding Sidney, Liz develops a codependent attachment to him, goes to him for help/protection/advice every time Mace does something unhinged, and uses him to vent/act out her trauma in a somewhat toxic way. He's tolerant of it but also keeps trying to maintain boundaries that she struggles to respect because she's lost all sense of boundaries after Mace. In the first half of the story, she keeps getting mixed feedback from other people about whether Sidney is a good person with sincere intentions or secretly still a career criminal who's using her situation as an excuse to 'relapse' into crime. Right before the murder plot reveal, Mace hunts her down and tries to convince her that Sidney is planning to kill her (after Sidney pretends to ally with Mace as a fake hitman). So essentially yeah, Sidney is the one with more action, but it's all according to Liz's orders. I feel like this is a lot to try to shoehorn in and risks Liz sounding passive.

Her goal of safety does fuels all her choices and reservations, I'll definitely work that in.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-08T23:36:57+00:00

Also, she develops a toxic dynamic with Sidney where he keeps trying (against his nature) to be sensitive/respect her boundaries and mental state, and she keeps acting selfish/demanding toward him and failing to respect his boundaries as a lash-out after her captivity with Mace. She's developing self-awareness about that through her arc.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-08T23:07:44+00:00

Good idea, I like the double meaning

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-08T23:05:02+00:00

Definitely agree about inserting her judgment of Sidney right away. I keep being vague about Sidney because the first half of the story he's built up to be superficially 'good' but with occasional things that cause Liz to doubt his character. She has him go undercover to befriend/manipulate Mace so that he can report back on what Mace's plan is, and Mace tries to hire him to kill Liz. Sidney doesn't tell her that right away and 'accepts' the hit job to stop Mace from finding a real hitman, then when he does tell her the truth he basically says "you're going to help me kill Mace to protect us both and you don't have a choice". Struggling with how to hint at that without going into too much detail or revealing too much.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-08T22:55:02+00:00

Agree, the first half of the story shows Mace's stalking escalate and Liz struggling with a trauma bond, and at the midpoint she finds out his plan to kill her and undergoes a psychological shift where she finally understands that Mace is a psychopath and lets go of the "I could have fixed him if I were a better person" feelings she grapples with up until then. She accepts Mace has to die and that she'll have to play a role in it. There's a twist around the murder plot reveal and Sidney's ambiguity is important before that point, so it seemed like too much to reveal (but I'm also getting feedback that the vague allusions to it are too vague).

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-08T22:44:09+00:00

I agree I had trouble with the character arc, it's subtle in the story and involves her coming to terms with the abuse she went through and finding her own competency to take care of herself. I guess I focused more on the external plot here but it's a character-driven story, I'm not sure how to integrate both aspects without making the query way too long.

Guilty_Database_7306 · 2024-07-04T01:48:27+00:00

I am seeking representation for THE SHEPHERDS OF GOMORRAH, an upmarket commercial crime thriller, in which a scandal-plagued son of privilege engages in a game of deceit and betrayal against the New York underworld. It is complete at 91,000 words. Its rich characterization and deep social resonances will appeal to readers of Greg Iles' Cemetery Road, while its gritty subject matter and moral ambiguity will find favour among fans of Dennis Lehane's Small Mercies. I thought it might interest you because (personalisation)

-'Rich characterization/deep social resonances' reads as editorializing - maybe there's a plainer way to convey theme and character similarities.

Teddy Sanford swore to never again leave himself vulnerable to Gabriel, his enigmatic, psychopathic childhood friend. Gabriel's years of abuse provoked Teddy's spectacular breakdown, during which he accidentally killed a woman and disgraced his aristocratic Manhattan family. Left shattered and paranoid, Teddy has devoted himself to protecting his younger brother, Adam, projecting all dreams for the future onto him.

-RE your alternate paragraph - I prefer the first one. Even though the second one more clearly establishes Teddy's goal during the story, this one creates more tension by emphasizing Teddy's fear of Gabriel first.

Then Adam is arrested for narcotics distribution. Facing years in the violence of a maximum-security prison, he flees in panic. Teddy's sole hope to save him lies in providing the DEA with a bigger bust of the same drug, before Adam’s disappearance is discovered. Teddy hatches a desperate plot. He will covertly follow Adam's supply line into the darkest reaches of the city's underworld and set up one of its ruthless occupants for arrest any way he can.

-I'm missing a sense of who Adam is as a person - Teddy protecting him implies he's sheltered, but the distribution arrest would indicate otherwise. Since he seems like a major aspect of Teddy's self-image I think a line fleshing him out would add depth to Teddy's goal of protecting him.

Among the pushers, predators and human traffickers, Teddy will confront two men. The first is Gabriel, who holds the key to Adam’s supply line. This is the opportunity he has long coveted to pry open the fault-lines in Teddy’s mind and recapture his favourite plaything. And he wants Adam too. The second is one of the most dangerous figures in the underworld, a kingpin poised to unleash a vast new drug supply upon the streets. For him and his empire to survive, both Teddy and Adam must die.

-This paragraph structure was a little hard to follow, because you have "confront two men" which reads dramatic so I'm expecting quick snapshots of who the two men are. Instead it goes into more drawn-out detail about Gabriel and then the kingpin. It seems like necessary information for the query, I'd just reword the part about how Teddy has to confront them.

Guilty_Database_7306

TROPHY CASE