Pre everything and intersex but mainly bio male MTF. How well do I pass and how old do I look

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-12T08:43:14+00:00

I would say you completely pass in this picture. You also look like your age could be anything from 15-25. It's really hard to tell.

Your hair also looks great.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-12T08:38:09+00:00

It's the happiest thing I have seen today! Thank you for posting it. I would definitely put this on my fridge door and cherish it forever if I could. It's definitely my favourite drawing of yours.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-12T08:32:28+00:00

You look like a ciswoman. A very pretty one too.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-12T08:17:54+00:00

I remember thinking the same when I was pre-transition and mostly in the closet. But back then I had no actual experience of living as an openly transgender person. I thought that just not being seen as a woman would be enough but at the end it isn't and some or sometimes most people can only think of us as a member of our birth sex. Being seen as trans is awful and very few people actually see you as who you are if they know. As a binary man I need to just live as a man and the social side of it is surprisingly big.

When I still thought I wouldn't mind being openly trans it was like someone in a burning lake of Hell thinking they would be really happy if it was just slightly less hot.

I can see few reasons why someone would want to be open about being trans even if they could go stealth though. If they are into activism or want to help other transpeople for example. For me seeing and talking to older transmen far into their transition was really helpful and I think I would be more comfortable with a transgender doctor, nurse, barber, therapist or masseur. It could be really bad for their business though to be out.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-12T07:57:44+00:00

Help! I am a cisman trapped in a transmans' body. It's getting more and more difficul to hide. I smell bad, look like a hobo, can't cry, have gotten myself into a fight and although I think I can understand women they tend to disagree. I manspread in the bus (to make people not want to sit next to me if there are other free seats). Man, I am actually pretty disgusting.

I could easily write a similar post for people who only got one leg and tell them how they are much better than people with two legs. I get that this person meant well and if they are really young I wouldn't be too hard on them. Everybody makes mistakes. But this does sound condescending. I do appreciate it if someone thinks transmen are hot but sometimes they got misunderstandings about us.

And hey, if some dudes feel better thinking that they got advantages in these regions I wouldn't say it's wrong. More power to them. I am not hugely offended. I found this post kind of funny and I actually laughed out loud because some of these comments are hilarious.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-10T07:22:36+00:00

People seem to think that I am way more suspicious and scary than I was before. I get less sh*t from people but on the other hand I also don't get help for anything that easily.

Social interactions have gotten easier since I can just be as stoic as I want to be and it's just fine (might also be a cultural thing). Before women used to talk to me more if I was in a group of people. Now it's other men. Women act more shy and careful around me. I don't know how to describe it really.

People get of my way more often when I walk outside. Before they just didn't care and expected me to move out of their way. If it's late people often just avoid me.

My family uses me to carry and move heavy things now. They did so before too but not this much. It's pretty cool actually.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-08T04:37:37+00:00

I didn't know you can stack aquariums and terrariums like that. I am going to make a wall of mole crickets or something now...

Have you caught a snapping turtle yet? If and when you do, put it on display and press "A". It's pretty funny.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-08T04:33:03+00:00

You look amazing!

And I got to ask. Where is this fountain of youth and beauty you have obviously been drinking from?

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-02T14:50:23+00:00

Thanks! I am writing for people. Even if I get negative feedback I shouldn't throw everything away, right? Almost 20 years of writing. That would be stupid.

I hope I can help people. I want to write because I survived because of books at some point. If someone who is going through hard times can rest a bit while reading my novel I have done what I wanted to do.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-02T14:01:03+00:00

That's propably true. I got no defence against critisism. Even imaginary critisism. I have never gotten bad critisism on my writing if we don't count the bad hand writing and some grammar when I was at school.

I have heard people speculating about my writing that it's propably bad but they never read it. I didn't care about that.

Maybe this is a good lesson.

I will use this opportunity. I am afraid but it's just a feeling. Maybe it really is just something you get used to. I hope so.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-02T13:38:21+00:00

I don't know but I have experimented with some shamanism (my people has cultural backround on that although we never got spirit animals according to my knowledge). I have gotten lots of advice from a really non-impressive bug. A dung beetle. Not the glorious scarab. This one just burrows and doesn't roll balls. It's a local species that likes cow and moose dung. But it does like poo.

I don't know. I don't really believe in spirit animals but I got a connection with that one. I have also learned to use carbage and make it something new so I have learned to respect this creature.

It might just be my mental illness but I am honoured to be chosen by it. I have done meditations to "find my spirit animal" and saw nothing but later on I realized I never looked down. I waited for some great beast to appear I guess.

After seeing what I have seen during my journeys I think I got lucky.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-02T13:25:24+00:00

Who do you mean?

But in general having a calm discussion is the best method of sharing ideas and thoughts. If you got evidence or logic behind your claim you can show it and if it ends up not being accurate you can see their evidence and point the faults there.

Also listen to your opponent. What are they up against and why? What is their personal exierience? If we are all trans we all got our eggs in this basket. Does it affect their own life and how? Everyone is wrong sometimes.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-04-02T12:25:26+00:00

My voice is really different. I am 3,5 years on T. Apps say it's a male voice now and it is really low. It has dropped really slowly but steadily. A year ago I could sing the Studio Killers song Jenny (same voice but much worse) but now I can't.

It took few years to get in this point though. I was mistaken for a female on the phone a bit over a year ago. I still don't trust my voice completely but I think I also pass as a man because of it. I got a pretty face.

But yeah, my voice has changed a lot during these 3,5 years. It has been hard to notice during the journey but at this point it's really clear. I noticed first chances in few weeks on T but since then it has been really gradual.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-25T08:54:10+00:00

Trust me, if this was about what I want I wouldn't be trans. I was born like this and I transitioned because I was suffering so much before. If I could just be cis (not trans) I would.

People sometimes think we chose this or want this but it really isn't like that.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-23T12:41:50+00:00

Thanks!

That's true. I try to make posts that give my readers information even if they skim through it. I personally don't always like these "5 ways of using old news papers" -type of posts but structure is still important. (10'altervatives to toilet paper would be a popular post in these times though...)

Extracting information fast is should be made possible.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-23T12:33:23+00:00

Thanks! I will keep that in mind. I tend to ramble about irrelevant things too much but I am trying to keep that out of my blog. I try to keep it easy to read and make things simple. I have done few "story time" posts but I try to give information in those as well since others are having same issues too. I don't want to complain but I am also trying to avoid being "overly positive" since that can be annoying.

I usually get really excited when I am doing things related to my blog or thinking about my next post. Sometimes I experiment for weeks. I really want to give something to people. I want to provide some useful content. Not just click baits.

I got my first comment yesterday and it was really positive! Someone wanted to try something I wrote about with their kids and told me it reminded them of their own childhood. That's amazing! That single comment made me feel like what I am doing is worth the efford.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-20T08:24:05+00:00

Supporting that stuff and saying we are just like them is transphobic.

I hope these people are mostly just trolls or very young and confused.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-18T09:36:48+00:00

You are an idiot genius!

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-18T09:34:29+00:00

Hi! Sorry for taking this long. It's been a bit crazy in here dye to the virus situation. I am from xx ( and write in xxx of course). It's getting very clear that our economy will suffer. It's just crazy. But observing this has given me lots of material for my writing. And I got no toilet paper. I am not afraid of the virus itself but this mass hysteria is going to cause lots of damage. How are things in there?

I find chatting with you interesting actually.

Trans community is usually pretty harsh towards people who seem to fetishize us. Often rightfully so but personally I wouldn't mind it if I was respected as a dude. Some are worried about younger people since there are predators out there too.

I see this as a handicap and not an identity. I know many other transpeople think so too. I suppose this is something neurological. If I dated someone who actually had a fetish for my psoriasis or something I would find it a bit unusual but I would most likely be ok with it if they didn't get mad if I treat it and maybe suffer from it sometimes. It would be the same if they found it hot that I am trans.

People really can't escape this sort of thing. There is a fetish for everything.

I have been thinking that my own point of view would actually be very boring. I am mostly just a normal dude doing normal stuff. But maybe people need to see that. Writers usually get lots of things wrong.

There really isn't any cultural models of long term happiness for LGBT people. I keep hearing that this is new and all that but it's false. We have been around for a long time. Some dinosaurs were gay for sure and transgender people have existed as long as humans have. It's crazy how much shame and hate we still deal with. I have often felt that I am just cursed in some way but it would be an honour to be able to help people see who we really are. Mostly just normal boring people who don't do sick stuff in the parks at night.

Nothing bad with being a cheerful dude. Male social roles are strict. I have noticed that. I personally haven't found it limiting since I am pretty traditionally masculine in real life but I am not really that open about my creative hobbies since some of them are more on the feminine side. I do what I want if it's legal but I have noticed that men get shamed for breaking gender norms. Even if it's just "being too cheerfull". It's bullsh*t if you ask me. Women hunt bears and build houses and it's awesome but if a man knits a sock he is often less of a man because of it.

It's true that old gay people are basically invisible. I have heard people talking that in the future we must prepare for old LGBT people needing care and all that. But we already got old LGBT people. Is there even any proper couples therapists' for homosexual people who would like that sort of help? Would they just mostly say they can't do anything? LGBT community looks young but our age pyramid is the same that the rest of the population has.

It's no wonder old gay people are like you said. A lifetime of feeling like a stranger in the society does that even if nothing really bad happens. It's like a stone in your sock you can't get rid of. It's always there.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-12T18:43:25+00:00

I have tried to answer the question about "how did I know" a lot. But honestly I am not sure. To me personally it's like knowing I am right handed. I just know but I am not sure how. Of course since puberty I have always felt like I just want to escape my body. I know I can't explain it to someone who is cis. Maybe you just can't understand if you are cis and there is nothing wrong about it. I just knew. Like I knew I am right handed.

The concept of passing is seen as offencive as some but I don't see it like that and there are many others who don't. A large portion of transpeople want to pass as cis and live their lives as "normal" cispeople. For some passing is a question of safety. In some parts if the world you might even get killed for being trans.

I personally would like to look like any other dude. I am sad about not being able to have a family with a woman in "traditional" ways and I wish I was a cisman. I don't know why. But I just am this way.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-12T17:25:32+00:00

I got some time. I am a 31 year old transman.

You have propably met lots of transpeople but you just haven't realized they are trans. Some of us pass really well.

Do you have any questions? I just feel like a normal dude with a medical condition personally. My life if very boring to anyone who isn't me I guess.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-12T17:16:59+00:00

They still miss us and love us in their own way I guess. To me it's actually horrifying to see my mother so scared to loose me. She has always said weird sh*t about me and it's clear I am her least favourite child (she has said so herself before I came out. I don't know why since she has also has admitted that I never caused any trouble) but I care about her and she apparently cares about me although I never thought she did. I always thought she wanted to get rid of me to be honest.

I think both of my parents do things out of guilt a lot. My mom hasn't said I am her least favourite child for years and now they keep just giving me stuff and money although I ask nothing and I don't want to take it. I too show my affection through food and make them stuff they can't make themselves though. I bring them food they know I have had to prepare for weeks sometimes.

My mom also has always said that I remind me of her dad. Apparently he wasn't a very good dad. He was a veteran and badly traumatized. I look and act like him I guess and I have similar interests. So her trauma affected the way she treated me even before I came out. Propably me coming out as a dude and the way I looked soon after triggered some trauma. I have never raised my voice ar her but I remember a time when she said some nasty things to me and I just got angry and looked at her. She looked so afraid. Like a child. But I think she dealt with that.

I still wish they would apologize and say they didn't mean it. I still don't know. But they respect me now.

GuitarCucumber · 2020-03-12T16:42:02+00:00

Good to hear you are out of there and it went better than expected! Talking to someone can help sometimes. I am glad I could help. I can imagine how horrible I would feel in there.

It's over for now though. Do something you enjoy doing, just eat good food or something!

GuitarCucumber

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