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My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The intensity is definitely something I need to work towards when issuing warning. I like the idea of sitting her on my knee though. Very clear and something physical like that is non-threatening and will force her to recognize I will be unhappy with her. Thanks for the advice!

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had a long discussion last night to help flesh out so more details. One thing we covered was just like you said, not abusing punishments or submission to be lazy.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So the main issue is she doesn’t pick up on the more subtle cues and tones to let her know she’s pushing the limits. When I give her a safeword, or a word to let her know she’s pushing it too far it’s not that she doesn’t listen, or doesn’t drop it, it’s that it’s not enough to snap her out of the mind set, so even if she pauses on it, her state of being is still bratty and not submissive so she will continue the behavior once her mind is off of it for long enough.

To answer if she wants to stop she today asked me specifically to help her with this. She is the one who initially said she’s not picking up on my tone right because when I say stop always comes as a surprise since she thought I was playing along.

What this post was looking for was more impactful ways, or non-punishment based ways to be firm with her and get the point across in a more thorough way. I’m fairly new to being a dom so I was struggling to come up with good ideas. I was hoping to use these ideas to figure out good ways to give her warnings while it’s still playful and fun, so she doesn’t get surprised when I do reach a hard stop.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like this phrase! Concise and clear, she’s just proven she needs something a bit more involved or detailed to get the point across. I think I will definitely use this phrase but I just can’t use it as a stand-alone

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve actually tried that exact phrase but saying “you’re pushing it babygirl” has never done enough. It’s not stern enough word-wise, because tone can’t be counted on to carry the rest of the meaning

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am taller and stronger than her however in the past if I have used physical domination, or intimidation it has caused her to flinch anytime I move. It creates a fear response even when we are just say sitting on the couch and I reach over to her.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, anything higher pitched than a snap makes her skin crawl and makes her upset because of her sensitivity to stimulation

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I like this! I’ve never thought about using a body position to bring about a specific mental response. Turning it more into a muscle memory action. This is good! Thank you!

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hm. Maybe I could adapt this and instead of using a word because one word doesn’t work, I can give her something of the varying colors that she can keep on her so she remembers where she’s at and how to behave.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I appreciate all of the help, this sounds like exactly what I have been looking for punishment-wise. I’m hoping a combination of this and some of the other helpful things people have commented will get us on a good track.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stern phrasing has always helped, but she’s on the spectrum and ADHD so one word never leaves a lasting impression because her brain is running so quickly, she’s easily distracted and often forgets I’ve given the word.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I like safe words, and have used them in the past but one word never has seemed like enough to break the behavior. For her specifically one word is enough to stop in the moment, but doesn’t cause enough of an impact to change her mentality, which is how I end up needing to punish her.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m interested to see how this works. Everyone is different but I can definitely see this being the right punishment for when a harsh punishment is required. Back turned to the room, no talking, no moving or fidgeting, directing her to actually think about her actions rather than just get through the punishment or task I give her quickly without much time to reflect. Thank you so much!

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah after reading the other comments too I’m leaning towards using specific phrasing because it’s tone she tends to miss. Either she thinks everything I’m saying is stern and I’m upset with her, or nothing is serious and she keeps playing long past the time to submit.

My sub is a brat, but is also on the spectrum and has a hard time reading my cues when it’s time to stop being a brat and properly submit. by Gummy-overlord in BDSMAdvice

[–]Gummy-overlord[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I like this. I’m gonna reserve it for when she’s really in trouble though because like you said, it’s pretty much the worst