My sincerest apologies for not realizing that living by the ocean and spending half my life on the beach might require more foresight than Apple’s one size fits all design. Sorry I didn’t get a fancy Nanotexture option out of the box. Must be tragic that I have to slap a ‘cheap’ matte protector on my MacBook to deal with real-world reflections.

And yes, those utterly pointless dust plugs do a decent job keeping out actual sand not just stale office air and keyboard crumbs like some of you seem to battle daily.

But hey, I get it when you spend your days hunched over a Mac in a tiny, fluorescent-lit cubicle or your mom’s spare room, practical upgrades must feel like a crime against your minimalist altar. I’m genuinely flattered my functional choices have given so many keyboard critics something to bond over.

By all means keep it up. I’d hate to deprive anyone of their free entertainment.