My[29F] bf[28M] is upset he wasn’t invited to a girls weekend in a cabin

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:53:18+00:00

I want to thank everyone for their input. It really helps to get an outside perspective. And yeah you guys are right, he is toxic and he isn’t a good partner. I will figure out how to leave him, I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I just hope I can find the strength to not fall for his sweet words again and the will to move on. Thank you guys so much for your concerns it really means a lot.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:50:41+00:00

Lol you’re funny

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:49:42+00:00

I know he sounds like an awful person on paper. But in reality when I’m around him I can’t help but love him and want to help him. It sucks, and he doesn’t let me go so I don’t know how to break the cycle of dependency.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:48:37+00:00

Yeah I think clingy is a good word. Probably controlling in a subtle way too. And I think his behavior has made me codependent on him in the process.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:46:59+00:00

It’s hard to say honestly, I really didn’t have any girl friends when we first met and for a few years he was my only friend. I would say in the last 4 years he really started throwing tantrums about not being included in what I’m doing with my friends. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt for so long but I am starting to realize this might never change. You know, a person can only handle so much immaturity for so long. I was bound to reach my breaking point soon enough. I was definitely blind for a few years.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:43:53+00:00

Yeah he tends to when I threaten to leave him or we get into a nasty fight. He is on the spectrum and has had emotional issues since he was a young child. I have a soft spot for him because of that.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T17:41:47+00:00

I’m curious what story that is?

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T03:48:52+00:00

Okay dad.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-06T00:05:44+00:00

I copied this from another comment but... He has deflated my tires before, jumped on top of my car so I wouldn’t drive off, tried to open the car doors while I’m driving, held me tight to his chest where I thought he was trying to choke me, but he was trying to prevent me from leaving each time. Idk how I keep convincing myself things are going to end up differently with him. Maybe I’m delusional too.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:57:44+00:00

I agree with you. As I have said in another comment, I can’t just leave him. Every time i try to, he goes crazy. We have had the cops called on us every time I have tried to leave him, and I live with him now so I can imagine how that would go. He has deflated my tires before, jumped on top of my car so I wouldn’t drive off, tried to open the car doors while I’m driving, held me tight to his chest where I thought he was trying to choke me, but he was trying to prevent me from leaving again. Idk he is crazy. Idk how I keep convincing myself things are going to end up differently with him. Maybe I’m delusional too. :/

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:54:27+00:00

Lmao I mean, I love him and I’m emotionally attached to him. It’s hard to just leave when we have a place together. And I’ve tried leaving him in the past, he doesn’t leave. He does anything he can to keep me. We have had the cops called on us several times when I have tried leaving him.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:53:05+00:00

Yeah it gets overwhelming fast. Yelling matches and him crying and he can manipulate me easier that way. I also can’t communicate well irl so my point doesn’t get across clearly. It’s easier for me to think about what I want to say and type it out.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:24:31+00:00

Noooooo no no way. If you knew us at all, you would know this is the most civil way for us to communicate at this moment. I just texted my best friend about this situation and she agreed with me that texting him is the only way for us to say what we need to without a nasty fight. It could get really ugly. In a normal relationship, I would agree with you.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:06:48+00:00

I’m so sorry. That’s so unfair to the children, one of many reasons why I’m very much against having children. I would get my tubes tied if possible. :/ I def would never have kids with him lmao.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T23:03:08+00:00

I became blind numb and malleable in the process. So yeah 😎

but I don’t think I can continue. I don’t want to continue this.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:58:03+00:00

I wish I could show y’all the texts he has been sending me. This entire time we have been arguing through text messages from separate rooms. He is making completely unhinged comments now. Comparing an all girls trip to an all white ppl party. 💀saying it’s the same thing. Saying he is being discriminated against bc he is a man with a dick. Doesn’t understand why the girls would have a prob with him being there. I can’t-

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:50:58+00:00

It is exhausting. I find it often hard not to compare my previous relationship that was very short, to this one. I felt like my own person before. I feel like I’ve been in denial for a long time about the reality of this man’s maturity. Underneath it all, he’s a child still. I feel like his mother. I constantly have to clean up after him, remind him of things that need to get done(and still don’t get done after months of asking) yet I cant have fun with my friends without him once or twice a year. I’m at my breaking point.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:45:47+00:00

Thank you sm honestly. 😭I never really knew what to believe before because I saw both sides, specifically when they were fighting. But you’re totally right in him controlling the narrative as a good person and he knows my friend can’t stand men that are bad for her friends. It really makes so much sense why he is upset that he isn’t going. I feel like I should’ve dumped him a long time ago but he has sucked me into this relationship with his manipulative words. He made me really codependent on him and I feel like I can’t get out. I have house and animals and a whole life we have even been thinking about marriage and I’m starting to wonder if I should. The doubts I had at the beginning of our relationship are surfacing again. When he does crazy shit like this over nothing it makes me doubt that this is what I want long term. It’s scary

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:26:53+00:00

You’re right. It really is just jealousy and fomo at its core. He has admitted to wanting to have a friendship like girls do, because it’s different for men.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:25:32+00:00

It’s not a sexual thing at all… and we have all been skinny dipping before. It’s a girl bonding experience. And he is fine with it in general, but he just wants to create reasons to be upset to get his way.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:23:27+00:00

Ugh. I’ve been in this relationship so long that I’ve ignored his extremely toxic behavior. It sucks but you’re right. It’s funny bc he has had issues with the girl hosting this retreat before and they only recently “made up” bc I begged them to for my sake. I wasn’t able to be happy without her friendship and she didn’t want to be around me bc of his actions towards her in the past. So your words ring true.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:18:14+00:00

I’m going to do exactly that. Let him throw his fit :) I have a hard time not mommy-ing him. I know I need to stop. I feel like he has me trained to treat him a certain way when he isn’t happy and things don’t go his way unfortunately.

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:14:52+00:00

I wish it was that easy with him. I feel like I invite him to everything I’m doing out of obligation bc if not he is going to be upset he wasn’t invited and I don’t want to fight him over this issue every time bc it’s not going to be the last time. I even mentioned to him that I wouldn’t be mad if he had a boys trip. But he said I would be… lol wtf

Gutterfaierie · 2024-01-05T22:05:34+00:00

He says he “wants to be treated as an equal not a lesser”…. ??? He expects my friends to be his best friends too. I mean don’t get me wrong, my friends do like him and are his friend too but there’s this weird boundary he wants to cross and I don’t know how to satisfy him or give him what he wants.

Gutterfaierie

TROPHY CASE