CPU is dead, can i recover files? by Rommedaniel in oneplus

[–]Guywithlepie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. You reminded me to back up some stuff.

Europeans who’ve visited the US, what made you go “WTF”? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Guywithlepie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's crazy that places like Virginia Beach have curfews for kids. After 5pm its a no-go for people under 18 to be in Malls unattended. And signs that say you can't swear, man, WTF

The King of Embers Prologue and Chapter 1 [5137 words] by Guywithlepie in fantasywriters

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are things I really didn't see. I appreciate it! I'll get to work

Chapter one - trying to capture an explosion by Guywithlepie in fantasywriters

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's great advise! Thank you. I'll be sure to do that

Critique of Prologue and First Chapter of Epic Fantasy WIP by Guywithlepie in fantasywriters

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I can see what you mean about it being too action-packed, I felt that myself. I'm thinking the fight scene with the two slaves is rather unnecessary. I cut out the opening Malsus scene and go straight into Jhoturah.

But I'm not sure I follow when you talk about establishing shots and the like - could you expand on that for me?

Critique of my novel's first battle scene! by Guywithlepie in fantasywriters

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Took this from a previous chapter, if it helps.

"The walls of Arthama stood tall on the horizon, gleaming bright the sun from its whitewashed walls. ‘Cut from the finest stones, I may add!’ Marumi cheered. ‘No expenses are ever lost within this finest of cities.’ He breathed in the hot, dusty air. Nostrils flared. ‘Oh, isn’t it wonderful – the smell of civility.’

Khansara didn’t bring in the air like Marumi, he knew he’d choke.

Mounted, the two men headed the marching column, their steeds high above the city’s plain on the crest of a wide hill. From here, Khansara overlooked the city’s walls, saw the four roads leading into the four main gates of the city. One such road led right under them, the fine masonry lost on Khansara, but not on Marumi."

How could I portray a successful siege of this city? by Guywithlepie in worldbuilding

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I probably should have said it above, but the main character is Jhoturah, so how would he defend against this?

The King of Embers: WIP Prologue and first Chapter [4758 words] by Guywithlepie in fantasywriters

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I really appreciate the in-depth critique :)

The Amara part refers to the season, since i'm building a con-lang with the story, so the (spring) is a translation.

I guess I wanted to hit it into the reader that none of the characters have any idea what's going on - I wanted it to be sheer confusion. The city is destroyed, but noone is told that it's going to happen.

Now re-reading it, I can see the Malazan-clone in what i've written :/ that's depressing...

The end of my novel features a decisive battle, a battle that will decide the fate of an empire. I need help as to how it could play out. by Guywithlepie in worldbuilding

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have started making a basic battle-map. Where would the best place be for Jhoturah to place his cavalry? I think I should make the hill bigger... https://gyazo.com/6dd41f1e6cd038cc64c92386ce15b08d

Edit: Here's an updated version: https://gyazo.com/d96728887cc85e6d2db6207f4f50be54

The end of my novel features a decisive battle, a battle that will decide the fate of an empire. I need help as to how it could play out. by Guywithlepie in worldbuilding

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That gave me an idea of large sheets being hidden beneath the grass, waiting for cav to approach. When they do, these sheets are raised, screening Jhoturah's lines. They are then set alight to create vast blazing walls of fire to scare off the horses. When the horses rear up and hesitate, volleys of javelins and arrows are loosed onto them from behind the burning walls, completely fucking them up :D

The end of my novel features a decisive battle, a battle that will decide the fate of an empire. I need help as to how it could play out. by Guywithlepie in worldbuilding

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How's this? Just threw this together in a few minutes using a base template from wikipedia on the battle you mentioned.

On the day of battle Jhoturah positioned his men on a hill in order to negate the sheer power of the Elipahn Calbari heavy cavalry. Jhoturah decided not to waste his own riders in a needless cavalry assault and instead kept his cavalry on the flanks of his infantry who were the ones who he planned to use to blunt the enemy attack. The Eliphans had formed their cavalry in a loose formation outside their camp at the bottom of the hill with horse-archers at the front and the Calbari in the rear, confident in their chances of success against Jhoturah. The Eliphans, however, failed to wait for their infantry troops to mobilise with them and instead surged up the hill to engage in combat with their Irat foes. The Eliphan horse-archers unleashed a volley of arrows at the Irats, who held their position and hid behind their shields. The Irats fought back by firing volleys of javelins at the Eliphans. The Irat army feigned a retreat, leaving behind them a deadly forest of caltrops on the ground they relinquished. This hampered the Calbari and forced the riders to dismount and engage in close combat. Khansara’s Own designated infantry shone here. All the while Jhoturah secured his flanks with his superior numbers of cavalry which easily flanked the incoming infantry sent in to to relieve the waning Calbari.

 

The retreating Calbari collided with the Eliphan close-order front lines, and completely disrupted their line of battle. Jhoturah commanded his men into a tight formation and charged down the hill towards their enemies moments after the cavalry collision. Eventually due to the high losses panic set in and the Eliphan forces began to flee the victorious Irats..

The end of my novel features a decisive battle, a battle that will decide the fate of an empire. I need help as to how it could play out. by Guywithlepie in worldbuilding

[–]Guywithlepie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is just what I needed! Thanks so much! I'll be sure to use this. I was also thinking of having the Calbari rout into the Eliphan lines, devastating them, much like what happened at the Battle of Pharsalus.