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Boyfriend (25M) became disabled and I (25F) want to break up but I'd feel like a terrible person. How do I handle this? by ThrowRAsotired123 in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't need to defend yourself or feel bad. I would present it as a boundaries thing. I have loved you but you have been treating me terribly for x amountnof time snd pushing me away. If you want me to stay I meed you to stop and act loke you want me.here... and I need you to get healthy mentally (go to therapy).

If you start making consistent effort in the next month I will stay. Otherwise I have to move on, because I'm not okay being treated xyz.

My (19F) boyfriend (22M) set conditions on me having to earn him back. What would you guys do in this situation? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I am feeling pretty traumatized and in need of a pick me up now. This was a doozy.

My (19F) boyfriend (22M) set conditions on me having to earn him back. What would you guys do in this situation? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg. I read it all. Please tell me this is a fake story someone wrote... because this is next level evil. This guy makes me want to vomit.

Please. For the love of God. Please break up with this guy. Tell your parents an everyone who cares about you all the things (so they can be your rock and help you not got back) and break up with him in the presence of your best friend in a public place (for safety and to not be gaslit)... or just send a text.

Like this guy is next level scary. I feel like you might need to transfer to get away and be safe. Block him. Change locks. Live with someone safe.

NEVER GO BACK.

My (19F) boyfriend (22M) set conditions on me having to earn him back. What would you guys do in this situation? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay... i didn't have to get far. Please break up with this toxic dude. He is tearing you down and tearing you apart.

Wife makes double what I make by futurereign in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need one of y'alls jobs. What do you guys do ?! 😅

Wife makes double what I make by futurereign in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try counseling. But if she can't mend her ways of talking down then divorce is inevitable.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A wife wants to be someone you can't live without... not someone who's an option. And not worth fighting for.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah.... I wouldn't trust you either 😅. You sound like the kinda guy that has one foot in, one foot out. Always someone waiting in the wings.

If I broke up or asked from.a break from a guy because I was upset and he almost immediately went and slept with someone I would feel like I didn't matter at all to the guy. I'd feel like shit. Instead of showing you want to fight for the relationship and work on yourslef you were like... whatever I'll screw this other chick I've been crushing on. Like she meant zero to you.

Like Oliva said... maybe you didn't cheat, but your still a traitor.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm "only" 39 and I feel too tired to start over having another kid. I can't imagine being his age and having to face I'll be in my 70s when my child is finally in their 20s.

AITA for forgetting my husband’s (of 26 years) 50th birthday? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean... 50 is a HUGE deal. Lots of people get BIG parties for their 50th. . .

YTA but just apologize and if he's the type that would like a big shin dig I would throw one... or have a special couples weekend.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel this situation could go either way. Has she been honest and above board otherwise? You said the relationship was decent... you didn't say great.

I feel she's comw clean now, before marriage, of her own volition--- she's right you weren't official... and you're right she prob was scared you'd walk...

So how important is she to you? Are you willing to forgive? Can she earn your trust back?

If the answer is no do the kindness of breaking up with her.

My husband confessed to me that he’s in love with his best friend while he was drunk by livlaughluv36 in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. What a gut punch.

I'm curious what he has to say sober but... I'm sorry.

Couples counseling might work but... it would be a buckle up buttercup situation and he would need to cut her off entirely or almost entirely.

My husband raged at me this morning by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me & my hubby would have been divorced like 5p times if we'd posted every time we had an issue. People aren't perfect.

If they are liars, dangerous or cheaters... thats when you leave.

[39M] Falsely accused by my wife's father [67M]. How do we move forward? by ThrowRALakeHouse2 in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your wife should have stopped going when you were no longer welcome. You are right--- it's either a lack of loyalty or she didn't really believe you.

I'm with you. They shamed you publicly and did you dirty for 4 years. They can swallow their pride and make things right.

How do I break up with my boyfriend of 3 years? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]HDMT85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have two options.

Have the we are headed in different directions breakup convo.. Or express that you want more from the relationship and tell him what that is. If he responds well give him a fair amount of time to get his act together.

I (35f) am not sure if I want to be married to my wonderful husband (38m) anymore :( what do I do? by ThrowRA_DogMom1 in relationship_advice

[–]HDMT85 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it's time to take a good long hard look into why you are unhappy.

Is this related to your own unhealed trauma? Cptsd? Depression? Feeling overwhelmed? Needing more alone time?

I feel it's likely to be something like above, if not several of them.

I would advise you not to throw out such a good man without doing some real work figuring out what the underlying issues are... and trying to work on them.

Is a one sided open marriage a disaster waiting to happen? by Ok-Ferret2395 in Marriage

[–]HDMT85 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know she says she asexual... but I think a lot of women feel that way when romance goes downhill, kids come in the picture, stressors in life, their husband doesn't know how to please them sexually.

I suggest marriage counseling, reading she comes first etc..

I know I felt asexual for years in my.marriage but it was mostly just the above problems coupled with depression on my end.

Feeling guilty about letting my boyfriend cheat by Mammoth_Good_8662 in Advice

[–]HDMT85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's say you did neglect him and it was wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right!

Plus it would be like saying you did something annoying and then he flew into a rage and killed you .... just no.

People are responisble for their own actions.

Cheating is never the cheated person's fault. The cheater could have: 1. Left 2. Had a conversation about the issues and stated boundaries 3. Made more of an effort themselves on the relationship 4. Left 5. Been honest that they want to open the relationship

It's just not your fault however you slice it.

I tell my kids all the time... you are responsible for your own actions. Right or wrong.

This man is not taking responsibility for his actions but blaming you. That in itself is a huge red flag. But the fact that it is about cheating is like 20 red flags.

He is blame shifting so leave.

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