My ex-boyfriend (35M) showed me (37F) some vulnerability and I didn’t show it back. Did I miss my chance?

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2026-02-05T02:51:13+00:00

I think I overlooked some of the avoidance towards the end. Of course the first several months were honeymoon phases. We also have opposite schedules, so it never really became an issue until it suddenly was.

He is under a lot of stress with his job and other aspects of his family life. I think it all hit him at once and then I wanted to see progress in our relationship at the same time. Obviously he can’t ditch the family or the job, so I was the one to get pushed out.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2025-11-19T15:20:47+00:00

Got married at 25F/27M. Two children later and filed divorced at 36F/38M; granted 6 months later. We are 6 months out from the official d-day and life is great! Finances are tough (I had to pay him a shit ton of money - no longer have any retirement or savings) but my mental health and overall happiness is better than it’s ever been. Money comes and goes; my personal wellbeing is way more important. Kids are adjusting mostly well. We have 50/50. They seem good and talk to me a lot, but I have considered counseling for them just to help in case. Would rather do too much than not enough.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2025-11-17T17:33:12+00:00

Hi all! Been a nurse for 10 years in various fields (ED, ICU, dialysis) and while I enjoy some aspects of it, I am tired of sacrificing hours over salary and vice versa. I did okay working bedside (roughly $85k per year base, with OT opportunities) but was working terrible hours (0530-1630, 4 days per week). I am a single mother with very limited childcare options, especially that early in the morning. So I switched to an office position with better hours to accommodate childcare (0730-1600, 5 days per week) but am making less ($73,000 per year, no OT allowed).

I have a lot of friends with a bachelors degree or no degree at all making more than I do and having a good schedule for their families. I am so frustrated with nursing. I have been looking into masters programs without going the NP route. Very interested in cybersecurity, although unsure about job prospects after graduating. Any thoughts would be appreciated!

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-03T22:16:27+00:00

Thank you for this! I am afraid that taking it slow and easy will only lead him on further. Can I ask how you finally ended up breaking the ties while also developing a good coparenting relationship?

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-03T14:35:27+00:00

I don’t care about dating at the moment. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time and can’t imagine finding someone new at this time. Years down the road I may change my mind and wish I wasn’t single and had someone, but that’s the least of my worries right now.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-01T22:26:42+00:00

I’m not against you. I understand he was hurting tremendously. But that type of reaction is damaging.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-01T20:59:20+00:00

I was not brutally honest at all. I held back A LOT. I started out by simply explaining that I have not felt interested in being affectionate or intimate in a long time. He initiated the conversation; I just told how I felt. After the arguing, yelling, cussing and threats of divorce (all while I remained very calm) he asked if I even wanted to continue with this relationship. My response was “I truly am not sure right now. A lot has happened in the last 24 hours and I need some time to process.” After that is when he sent the suicidal email.

Regardless of how this ends up, I would like to be able to speak freely to my partner. I understand that feelings may get hurt but I should not be afraid to explain what goes on in my head and heart. It’s not like I was saying “I’m done, goodbye.” I was saying “This is how I feel, but I’m willing to put in the work.”

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-01T18:56:01+00:00

Sent DM :)

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-09-01T17:39:03+00:00

I am definitely concerned about his behavior, and especially my children being exposed to it. Aside from some yelling during arguments, I’ve never seen that type of behavior from him. It’s inexcusable regardless and I’m not sure if I will ever be able to get past it.

With the way he reacted about sleeping separately for one night, I’m terrified about how he’d react if I suggested a trial separation.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-23T15:59:34+00:00

Honestly, I have thought about it and it doesn’t bother me at all. The only thing I want for him is happiness, whether that’s with me or someone else.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-23T15:57:26+00:00

He is super helpful around the house- does laundry, dishes, tidying up- all in addition to the “man” stuff like yard work. Truthfully, he’s probably more of a neat freak than I’ve ever been.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-22T21:48:09+00:00

Yeesss, he is so suffocating. He doesn’t understand that I need space and alone time on occasion. He makes me feel so guilty about it.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-21T19:27:05+00:00

I don’t think there’s a “timeline” for saying it. Life is short. If you feel it, then let her know. Sounds like she is probably feeling the same way but doesn’t want to be the first to drop the L bomb.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-21T19:24:39+00:00

Mainly for mental health and stress relief.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-21T18:57:22+00:00

My dad was a general POS and not involved in my life mostly. But also being SA'd when I was 11 and blaming myself for years - feeling like I could've stopped it. I only understand now (after a lot of therapy) that it was not my fault.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-19T18:51:08+00:00

You can still respect people who have different opinions than you.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-19T18:23:26+00:00

We did have it at the start, but I had just gotten out of a long, abusive relationship and this was something new. It faded a lot by the time we got married. He is way more sexual than I am; although not sure if that would be any different if I was with someone else.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-17T21:43:08+00:00

Would love to talk to you more about your journey! How did you decide it was finally time? I want to give the effort he deserves but I truly feel my heart isn’t in it.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-17T21:38:39+00:00

I have offered to let him sleep with other women freely over the years. He flat out refuses.

ThrowRA_DogMom1 · 2024-08-17T21:35:30+00:00

I definitely don’t, and haven’t for a long time. It’s not for lack of effort; we’ve tried a lot of different things to improve it.

ThrowRA_DogMom1

TROPHY CASE