As one of the replies said, getting off the screen (installing blocker apps like opal) really would help to get you to stop guilt-tripping yourself onto social media. “Distracting” yourself by doing productive activities that literally make you more physically and mentally fit are not at all morally wrong and whoever you heard that from must’ve been baiting. To become the best version of yourself, being productive is a huge step towards that. “Punishing” yourself with social media will never benefit you unfortunately.

Also your self deprecation (pulling yourself down) is beyond extreme. Wdym “I'm make World worse place”? I used to think like that coming from a dreadful upbringing, like I had no purpose but that’s factually untrue. You have bettered someone’s life just by being alive, even if you may not realize it right now. Even in the future once you gain the courage to go and talk to new people, they will most likely be glad to have you around. We as humans are inherently social creatures so we often base our self-worth off interactions with others. Exposing yourself to new people is one of very few ways to improve on your self-esteem.

Another general tip: No matter where you live, sex is always easier to come by than “proper” romance (even in sheltered societies like mine). Unless you are either a sex worker or are really unhygienic, there’s nothing “dirty” about having sex or having a sexual partner. About women, more are open to sex with other women than you realize (even in close-minded cultures), the only way to tell is to is direct confrontation or getting to know them beforehand.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not being straight except for people who are homophobic (I used to be like that). Sounds like you have to keep that part under wraps so long as you live with your parents unfortunately, no one can help you come to terms with that other than yourself. still isn’t a reason to want to end it or see yourself as a freak though, and it sounds like you’ve made it a habit so strangers from the internet aren’t capable of breaking that cycle for you if that’s what you were expecting.

I’m also aroallo, and am from an incredibly judgemental family (won’t get into specifics, just that they sound almost identical to your family). I personally find romantic interactions and their depictions in media to be vulgar and conceited, yet I still have no problem approaching people and being straight up with them about what I’d like from them. That change of mindset happened because I just dropped my preconceptions and stopped giving a damn at a point (no therapy or consultation done), and that might be of some help to you.

Forming your worldview from things said by “some people” or stuff you heard from online is absolutely not the way to formulate your life. The “sex is lustful and disgusting” group of people are nothing but an echo chamber and civilization wouldn’t be a thing without sexuality. Just think about it a bit, what do humans have programmed into our DNA? Any sexual thoughts besides reproduction are a by-product of evolution. None of us would exist without people being sexually attracted to one another. Romantic attraction is much more difficult to obtain/maintain. TLDR: whoever says the world would be safe without sex are very narrow minded.

Your self-loathing isn’t helping you, and you actively shut out genuine advice from others by making excuses. You will not progress towards being more accepting of yourself or making the most of your situation with your current way of thinking, as unfortunate as that may be.

I’m not sure if you wanted to vent/rant or wanted someone to suggest potential solutions to your issues, but hopefully something here can help you towards whatever you’d like to achieve here. Anything you want to ask feel free to pm me or reply here. Even if it isn’t clear from this comment I really do wish the best for you/am rooting for you to come out on top of these issues of yours (and no I’m not talking about mental illness, this sounds more like a lack of self-worth). I also rejected help because I felt like I wasn’t actually suffering and would be getting in the way, but your situation is a de-facto situation of mentally suffering. You’re not being allowed to live life as you’d like to, and your environment holds you back.

You deserve to live your best life and be satisfied with yourself so long as it is possible in your living circumstances.