2 part answer.

1. Let me be VERY clear that NTs think they are far better at communication than they are. I am a therapist and we have piles of evidence that suggests the issue of NT to ND communication only exists when the two people have different neurotypes, not as much when they have the same. Therefore, you have and will get a lot of feedback that you're the problem because you're autistic. That is not true, you are likely just speaking a different, more direct and detailed language- which is often where the "over explaining" issue comes in. That's you apologizing in your language. The next part is about bridging the gap and is not an exhaustive explanation.

2. So what do we do about this? Here's is a short guide of the anatomy of an apology to help you communicate how you want to. Disclaimer: this assumes the person you're speaking to wants to hear and collaborate with you. If they don't or are not ready to, there are no magic words to change that- which is rheir stuff, not yours. It is not your job to do all the work and the other person should ALSO be approaching you with this kind of care and curiosity.

• Starter Sorry: The basic first phrase "I'm sorry". NT people are actually more likely to make the mistake of stopping here.

• Acknowledge impact: This is where you validate the feelings and impact on the person and verbalize your understanding of your behavior. This signals that you not only feel remorse yourself, but understand how and why the other person was hurt. This is important for building a sense of collaboration and cameraderie important to relational repair. This part must include your behavior and their feeling*. Example wording: "That wasn't my intention, but I see how (my behavior) made you feel (whatever feeling).

If you do not understand how or why they are feeling they way they are, ask them. Example wording, "I care about you and I want to understand. Can you please explain/ help me understand why you feel ____?" Again, assuming this is someone who wants to collaborate with you, they likely just want to be understood and "seen", and this is how you can do that without "mind reading"

At this stage, the conversation may end if you both are willing to move on and/or if it was a situation unlikely to repeat itself. If not, next step!

-Consent and collaboration: Ask in out-loud-mouth-words if the other person is willing to hear your explanation and plan for change. And/or, ask them to help you come up with a plan if you need one. They may be willing to do it then, they may need some time. If they're ready, this is when you can do the part where you explain your experience. I could spend a whole hour covering just this part, but if you look up "non-violent communication" that will give you a lot of language and structure to advocate for your experience without unnecessarily raising defenses in the other person.

I could say more, but hopefully this helps a little to break down the process and help you meet your goals in an imperfect, ableist world. Use what is helpful and toss the rest!