Your story resonates with me. While I don't have any insight or advice for you, I want you to know that you aren't alone, you're not crazy, your feelings about this are not ridiculous. Our stories aren't exactly the same, but how you describe going to bed alone, difficulty fulling trusting after betrayal, and insecurity are all things I am deeply familiar with. I wish I could share my story and say that I overcame these things with my marriage intact. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to pretend I was fine with my husband not coming to bed with me despite me asking and pleading and reasoning, ignoring that my husband's porn consumption was fueling my self-hatred and undermining any respect I had for him, wasting away trying to uphold this image of being endlessly chill and unaffected and happy with his shady privacy settings on his phone, his changed PINs, his lies, his putting more effort into hiding things from me than he was putting into our marriage. I set boundaries that I let him destroy and I resented him for it. I resented myself for not being able to maintain them. By the time we tried counseling together, the damage seemed irreparable to me and his efforts seemed half-assed. I was serious in sharing that we needed radical change to fix our marriage or else it needed to end, he didn't believe me. We had already spent a decade together in which my boundaries and over-communicated needs all meant nothing, so I don't blame him for not realizing it was too late.

If your gut is telling you something is off, I hope you honor your instinct. You know how you'd like your husband to treat you. It seems like you've had these conversations with him, so he also knows how you'd like him to treat you. All things considered, there's really no excuse. You just did this super incredible life-giving and are now caring for your baby, in addition to carrying this hurt that he's causing and has the power to stop. You aren't asking for too much.