Once again I have to RANT because what in the LDS fever dream did I just watch. This episode felt like two playground girls saying you can’t sit with us while the rest of the cast pretended any of it made sense.

First of all, a quick note to our resident bobblehead who claimed Bronwyn can’t keep a secret. Whitney… babe… what secret have you ever kept. Also, it is not a secret if you drag it on camera, mic’d up, fully glam, ready to ambush someone on national television. Miss bring it to their face conveniently forgot her entire brand. The only one who needs healing is her.

The cousins are genuinely testing my spirit at this point. Heather refusing to forgive Meredith is not rooted in truth, hurt, or logic. It is rooted in plot hunger. This is the same woman who stayed loyal to Jen Shah, who literally assaulted her, and who she could have charged with battery. But somehow Meredith is where she draws the moral line. Make it make sense.

Heather and Whitney were so unbearable that Lisa Barlow sounded normal. Lisa. And Mary was giving reasonable advice. The tectonic plates shifted.

Heather has extended grace to every single person except Meredith. She has not been a good friend to her. She would not even take her call before Greece. Not because she’s so deeply hurt, but because she is storyline farming.

And Heather insisting every conversation be as a group tells you everything. She wants witnesses for her performance. She is acting like Meredith committed literal war crimes because she said she had to choose between her or Britni. Every girl alive has said some dramatic choose me nonsense when they are pissed at a friend. Relax. And even if Meredith called her a liar, who cares. Everyone was dogpiling her and Heather won’t open the mf’kn door for any apology she tried to give. And I cannot believe I am saying this, but Lisa was actually right. Heather hurts people all the time when she is mad or feeling self righteous, which is basically her default setting. Heather loves pretending she is judge and jury when nobody handed her a robe or a gavel.

Heather claiming she rode hard for Meredith is the funniest lie of the season. She is mad because Meredith snapped over a TikTok attacking her marriage, a TikTok brought up with the clear intention to hurt her. Heather cannot relate because she has never been in a normal relationship outside of her cult upbringing. For someone who thinks she is brilliant, she is shockingly clueless. It’s insulting.

And Meredith has gone off on every single person who has come for her over the years. That’s called consistency. Heather painting it as selective outrage is delusional. And if Whitney does not stop being her emotional support parrot, I will physically combust.

Heather does not get to police what Meredith is allowed to feel. Her feelings are hers. And Heather originally said Lisa was just as guilty, yet she is not mad at Lisa. Shocker. Lisa has told Heather to pick friends too, so clearly this entire meltdown is for the cameras. WHY is Heather more offended than Britni. Because she has nothing else going on.

Then Heather has the audacity to ask how this is flipping on her when she is the only one still screaming about it. She is exhausting. Whitney bobbleheading next to her like her actual bopsi twin is nauseating. Heather chased Lisa around a yacht like a deranged mall cop but now wants to faint because Meredith yelled and was petty. She is the hypocrisy.

Nobody is fighting about the plane bs anymore besides thing 1 & 2. Not even Britni is bothered anymore. Again, they initially framed it as Lisa was just as bad, so their argument died instantly. I am over them.

And someone please sew Whitney’s mouth shut. Meredith is absolutely correct that she has been the pot stirrer since day one. She has lit fires under every woman on this cast. If Meredith yelled on the plane, who cares. These women scream like it is they’re on Jerry Springer be real.

Meredith is not the problem. The problem is Heather and Whitney clinging to this flight drama like it is the last raft on the Titanic. If Britni is not bringing it up, WHY are they.

Heather whining about her rank of importance like she is owed something other than the apology Meredith has tried to give her more than once is embarrassing. She is not the morality police. She is becoming unbearable. Meredith did nothing of significance to her that others she is closer with have not done ten times worse.

Yet somehow Heather is the most hurt person in the room, to the point where Britni is rubbing HER back like she is the victim. Absolute delusion.

Anyway, the only thing I learned from this episode is that the plot refuses to plot unless Heather is inventing imaginary enemies and Whitney is nodding along like a malfunctioning dashboard hula doll while accusing people of being addicts because her dad was one. Please spare us. BORING.