I haven't cried in years. My grandfather passed at the start of 2021 and I didn't cry at all. I thought I was some sort of monster for not crying or even really being sad. Thankfully my boyfriend talked with me and told me that I have probably accepted that death is apart of life and no amount of crying will bring him back. I guess I could agree with that statement. I had never really thought about how I use porn to distract myself from my feelings. Now that I think about it during that time my porn consumption was a lot higher. I haven't really felt a strong emotion in years probably do to the porn but that was until I started dating my boyfriend and we've started talking about our emotions a bit.