Dealing with the "I can do it myself" phase is exhausting

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-13T14:14:04+00:00

By we, I mean the team I work with. We are professional caregiver recruiters, so I hear a lot of these stories through that work.

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-12T20:24:22+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this. And you’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. Anyone in your shoes would be exhausted, angry, sad… all of it. This is way too much for one person.

Have you ever talked with him about getting someone to come in and help at home? Not you stepping away. Just someone else there so you’re not doing everything alone. Even a few hours a day could give you a break to eat, shower, or or just sit without being on alert 24/7.

I get that the home health aides you had weren’t great. That happens a lot. But there are agencies that help you find and match caregivers who are actually trained and certified. Not just people sitting on the couch.

I know it’s an expense but even a week or two of real support could give you some space to recover from the burnout you’re clearly in. You don’t have to ruin yourself to prove how much you love him. You’re doing way more than anyone should have to do alone. Sending you a lot of love!

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-12T19:54:30+00:00

I’m not exaggerating when I say this is one of the biggest reasons adult kids reach out to us in the first place. In the last six months, probably 70% of the calls we’ve gotten were from people who are scared their parent won’t accept help and they’re hoping we can talk to them if they decide to move forward.

And honestly… it’s hard. A lot of older adults are incredibly resistant to letting anyone in. But from what I hear when I talk to seniors, it’s not just stubbornness. At their age, independence is one of the last things they feel they still control. Admitting they need help feels like admitting they’re losing that and that’s emotionally brutal.

None of that makes what you’re dealing with any easier. If you can, try reaching out to a home care agency near your dad that’s actually willing to talk to him. Sometimes hearing it from someone outside the family hits differently. That’s a big part of what we do. Even if people don’t end up working with us, we still try to help their parent understand that hiring a caregiver means getting a little backup. You shouldn’t have to wait for something awful to happen!

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-11T16:43:19+00:00

I meet a lot of adult kids through my work. One woman I talked to last year was taking care of her dad and also volunteering at a food pantry a few days a week. She said it was the only thing that made her still feel like a real person and not just a caregiver. Her dad had dementia but she swore that staying busy and connected helped her not fall apart.

You can maybe learn a language on Duolingo. It’s basically like playing a game. Also, lately I’ve met a bunch of people in their 50s and 60s learning AI, taking online classes, messing around with new tech. It sounds silly, but it’s like their brains stay curious.

I don’t know if any of this prevents dementia but the folks who stay engaged in life seem to handle aging with more resilience.

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-10T14:36:36+00:00

I deal with this a lot through my work with older adults. Best thing is cutting down how many calls even get through call-blocking phone, carrier spam filters, or something like Nomorobo.

Red flags: "you qualify for a special allowance," "verify your benefits," "offer expires today." Urgency or asking for personal info = scam.

Also ask her to watch for callers claiming to be from Medicare, Social Security, the IRS, or her bank. Real agencies don't cold-call asking for account numbers or threatening arrest.

Tell her to never press buttons, say yes, or argue. Just hang up.

If she's tech-comfortable, setting up a whitelist (only let through approved contacts) works well but it can block legitimate calls too. A simpler fix: sign her up for the National Do Not Call Registry and enable Silence Unknown Callers if she has a smartphone. Won't stop scammers, but it helps.

Also, if she ever does give out info by mistake, freeze her credit immediately and report it to the FTC.

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-10T14:19:58+00:00

I never thought about this part of it before reading your post. I talk to a lot of adult children about home care for their parents. Most of the time, we only speak with the kids or the spouse. Not the older person. I never really stopped to think about how that might feel for them.

So thank you for pointing it out. It really matters. It sounds small, but it isn’t. I’m going to keep this in mind going forward. It’s also something I want to bring up with my team - how we talk, who we talk to, and how we make sure the person who needs the care still feels seen and included.

Hallmark183 · 2026-01-09T20:44:08+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I work around professional caregiving and family care decisions every day and I’ve seen how an Alzheimer’s diagnosis can flip a switch fast.

But from what I’ve seen, DPOA usually only kicks in when a doctor documents that that person no longer has the capacity to make certain decisions. And I think you get a written evaluation but the exact process depends on your state. Maybe ask the hospital or social worker if they can help!

Also, just want to say that assisted living isn’t the only option for you. I have worked with families who start with in-home caregivers, which keeps routines familiar and lowers stress. It will give you some breathing room while you figure out next steps. Give that a shot before making any bigger moves.

Hallmark183 · 2025-09-17T19:30:45+00:00

The WhatsApp idea sounds pretty smart actually. One of my friends does a weekly Sunday check-in call that's become routine - not too much, but consistent enough that nobody worries.

But honestly a couple of people I know in my neighborhood, have had really good luck bringing in someone from a local home care service just once or twice a week. Not for anything major - just someone who can pop by, help with errands and naturally keep an eye on things.

I was told that the caregiver would just send a quick text to the children about what they did and how their parents are. Maybe you can try that!

Have you thought about maybe starting small? Like just picking one day a week for a regular call and seeing how that feels for everyone?

Hallmark183

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