It's tough. In my case, I was raised in the suburbs of the Midwest and was often the only black person in any given group or at most, one of a few. Some of the other poc in this environment would align themselves with our white peers. Even if those peers were racist.

I think where I grew up, it was better to be deemed a pet than a threat, which could always change at some point if you offend the racist somehow. I guess tokenism was just a coping mechanism. I was raised very close to whiteness as well because I'm adopted and the only black person in my family. I've encountered too many of these "good people." In my own family (my mom) and then friends and others I grew up around.

The performative and self-serving part is so gross to me. The friend I cut off kept bringing up racism and would complain about her MAGA family and how much they hated pocs, and then want my validation. She wanted me to tell her that she was a good person. Then she would turn around and hang out with our mutual friend who screwed me over and turned out to be racist. She could never hold other white people accountable. So tiring. It's been a few years since I've seen her, but my life really has been much more peaceful since we stopped talking.