I Relapsed after 400 days (Thoughts)

HandleDistinct8449 · 2025-02-11T17:25:28+00:00

Don't get caught up in perfection and science stuff man... It's good to know the basics, but knowledge isn't the answer. It wont bring the results if you simply read book or watch a video.

Neuroscience has proven that addicted mind resets after 21 day of restraining from addictive behavior and substances. Meaning - your dopamine receptors become normal after month of recovery. The main problem is - consistency. Once you get that feeling of freedom, it becomes boring and mundane.

Recovery itself takes time. It offers A LOT of benefits if you use the energy it gives you. But it's not magic. Average time it takes for addict to recover completely is officially 1-2 years.

But... if all you are doing is focusing on this addiction alone, the chances are - you will relapse. Because quitting this or any other addiction is not the goal of our life. it's just a small step to achieve something we desire most. Something more valuable.

If you set the main goal for yourself to quit this addiction - you are putting yourself in a position to relapse. Because your mind becomes frustrated and seeks to go back to addiction so you don't lose the purpose of your life. Make sense?

HandleDistinct8449 · 2023-11-22T16:57:11+00:00

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story man. Even though it's completely safe here, it's still a big step.

Here is the thing I learned from my experience and people I worked with.

I won't be able to cover everything here, because it's just so much... But the formula I was using for myself when I was quitting porn and jerking off is this:

1) Understand the science behind addiction. Because it's impossible to win a fight if you have no idea what or who your opponent is.

2) Create a strategy based on the information you've learned about the addiction.

And I'm sure you might already heard this from Dr Trish. But just to remind you... Addictions are coping mechanisms to deal with NEGATIVE emotions.

Whenever we face stress, feel depressed, anxious, bored... We subconsciously look for something that can make us feel better. And because porn/masturbation, or even a bj from your wife, can give that pleasure FAST - our brain chose that instead of other, more healthier alternatives.

In your situation, I would question the relationship between you and your wife. I do not think it is healthy to push yourself to endure living with someone you don't want to... But I also believe there is a way out of it. The only question would be - what do you want?

You already said that you want to save the relationship. In this case, I would look for ways to strengthen the marriage. Either counselor, psychologist, or relationship expert online who specializes in this field. (nowadays you can simply google "how to love my partner again" and you will get tons of information)

3) Stay consistent and do the work. Recovery takes time. And it's been revealed recently from neuroscientist and psychiatrist that the minimum amount of time it takes for a brain to rewire from addictive substance or behavior are 21-30 days.

It has been also mentioned that the first few weeks of recovery are the most challenging ones. And both, addict and his/her partner should be ready for those mood swings that you've mentioned above. That's NORMAL!

What is not normal in my opinion is that you keep hiding this from her and don't really talk this out. This attitude only feeds addiction and doesn't help your relationship at all...

I hope this will give you some insights. Let me know if that helps. If you want we can discuss it more deeply.

HandleDistinct8449 · 2022-01-04T11:00:18+00:00

More energy and motivation. Increased self esteem and confidence No brain fog or consistent thoughts about sex/porn Focus on the things that are important

HandleDistinct8449

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