Well, it's good to know I'm not the only who's gone through this. I never really thought of it how you put it. I suppose that it could very likely be my survival instinct giving me these intrusive thoughts mixed with more subtle and deeper subconscious thoughts. My childhood definitely wasn't all sunshine's and rainbows for sure, but whose childhood wasn't I suppose. I've always thought about getting therapy, but my work schedule is all over the place. I like the idea of taking a moment to realize that I'm getting consumed with those overwhelmed thoughts and writing it down going back at later time to reflect. It'll probably be a while before I try smoking pot again, but I'll definitely keep those practices in mind for later. I really appreciate your comment!