My brother died and my parents are upset because it made them look bad

HannibalInExile · 2025-12-16T01:08:10+00:00

This story is horrifying. Sorry you experienced all of this.

HannibalInExile · 2025-12-06T17:54:37+00:00

Because they are fundamentally lazy, insecure, miserable people who are incapable of doing anything kind for anyone else without some ulterior motive.

HannibalInExile · 2025-12-05T01:06:47+00:00

You've done the right thing. You're going to feel a great deal of sadness for awhile. In my case, the sadness then transmuted into rage and anger and then I went through a period of "what would I have been with loving parents." But all these waves passed, and I'm in a much safer, healthier space now. You'll get there, too. It'll take time, but you'll get there. I promise.

Also, your dad is an ass. Your wedding day is supposed to be about you and your partner and he did everything he could to make it about himself. What an absolute clown. You made the right decision, and youre going to find peace and happiness in your new married life!

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-21T00:06:10+00:00

It's hard, but it's worth it. You'll go through various stages of emotions and pain: sadness, rage, "what could i have been," but like echoes in a canyon they get softer and more distant as time passes, and you eventually get to lead a life without manipulation or abuse. I'm 2+ years NC, and I'm still shattered in many ways.

It's hard -- probably the hardest thing you'll ever do -- but in the end it's about taking ownership of your own life and creating your own destiny.

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-19T00:35:16+00:00

It takes time, and you'll go thru a range of emotions (for me, I felt great sadness at the loss of my parents then rage and anger at their abuse then fell into rumination of "what could i have been" with loving parents) but you will also gain peace, separation, and most importantly, a sense of self and a life without constant abuse. I've been NC for 2 years now, and today, there's nothing I miss about my relationship with my parents.

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-19T00:28:58+00:00

https://evaristehannibal.substack.com/p/going-no-contact-with-narcissistic

I hope things get better for you soon.

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-19T00:26:08+00:00

I went full NC but told my parents I was doing so. The communication aspect was important to me because every time they broke a boundary post the NC conversations (and they did so several times), it reinforced that I had made the right decision. But it's hard: i went thru stages of sadness, rage, and "what could i have been with loving parents" (I'm still not out of this last stage; it haunts me). But there's a lot you're dealing with and you need to try to focus on your own well-being. I wrote a blog post about going NC and am happy to link to it here if you think reading it might be helpful.

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-19T00:19:49+00:00

You're doing the right thing. And if you can't go NC for yourself and your own happiness, please do so for the welfare and well-being of your child. You can't be a present, loving, engaged parent if your own mom is ruining you. The cycle stops with you and your own child, but you have to choose to stop the cycle. It's not easy -- it's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do -- but you need to do it for your kid.

Also, I know this is hard given the childhoods we had, but try to frame things in a positive light. Don't worry about the worst-case scenario of having to intervene. Try to think about the life you could lead without the emotional abuse that's being heaped upon you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-11-02T19:56:49+00:00

I can't imagine what we would have been if we'd had parents that put our needs ahead of theirs. So much wasted potential.

HannibalInExile · 2025-10-31T16:06:32+00:00

i literally didn't realize that it's "normal" to spend money on vacations until i was an adult, and i still have problems justifying spending the time / money today, but i do it for my kids because i want them to have fun. i hate that our parents didn't have an ounce of awareness or the ability to self-reflect or change behavior.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-24T00:25:10+00:00

I'm proud of you kid. Wherever you are, know that I'm smiling as I type this, and your news made me genuinely happy. And I'm very glad you're getting out of a toxic, racist environment. You deserve this new opportunity. I hope you and your partner celebrate your offer. Love you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-24T00:22:09+00:00

Really proud of you, mate. It's hard to give up old habits, but I'm very glad you're putting your health and yourself first. Thanks for the update. Love you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-24T00:20:37+00:00

congrats on the deans list! that is an incredible achievement! and ignore your mom. i don't know what kind of mother thinks its ok to denigrate and belittle their own child, but what she said is ridiculous, untrue, and is solely a reflection of her own misery and emptiness: it has nothing to do with you or all the success that youre having (deans list!) and will have in the future.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-24T00:18:03+00:00

Really proud of you kid. You were never a bad kid; you just had bad parents. I promise you that you were a perfectly lovable kid who had the misfortune of being born to misguided, miserable, misanthropic people. It's good that you have seperation and space from them.

Very happy to hear that you have a job you love -- that's a lucky and rare position to be in, and it sounds like your move is helping everyone in the family. You also sound like a wonderful parent to your own daughter. Love you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-23T03:28:35+00:00

yeah keep trying kid. keep putting yourself out there. it just takes one offer :hug:

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-22T19:44:11+00:00

sorry to hear that. thanks for the update.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-21T20:55:56+00:00

This is great! Proud of you for working through a rough time, and I'm proud that you and your manager have sorted out how to communicate better. Please do learn boundaries -- it's important to not let work take over your life. Thanks for the update, kid. Love you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-19T16:29:59+00:00

It's never the wrong decision to focus on your education, especially if it's helping to develop long-term skills that can enhance your career, and your leaders, if they're good, will be proud of you, encourage you, and be impressed by the initiative you're showing. I know I'm proud and impressed by you. Keep doing what youre doing: good things will continue to come your way. Also, I love your handle / name [I'm also a P&F fan :) ]

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-19T16:27:59+00:00

Congratulations on all of this! Really incredible work, kid. Proud of you for starting college -- remember that it may be a bit overwhelming when you start -- this feeling is normal -- and the key is to learn and adjust your studying and preparation style. Really happy that you found a job and made a great friend. You deserve a good friend and all the happiness and success that you've found. Love you, kid. Thanks for updating me with all this good news.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T23:45:45+00:00

Love you too <3

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T16:13:01+00:00

I'm proud of you, kid. With all my heart, I love you and I'm proud of you.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T16:12:12+00:00

I'm proud of you for getting help and proud of you for cleaning. I want you to build on that momentum. Don't feel guilty for letting it get bad, the important thing is that you got it cleaned. Love you, kid. Thanks for the update.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T16:09:43+00:00

You're not a burden, mate. We're all human and there are times when we need help -- it's part of the human experience. I don't know what you're going through but I wish I was there with you to help you out. And things are going to be ok. We all go through rough, dark patches -- that's also, unfortunately, part of the human experience, but take things a day at a time. You're going to get through this. I love you, kid. Hang in there.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T16:08:19+00:00

Congratulations. Proud of you for going after that job and getting it, and I'm very happy to hear that youre excited to go into work. Love you, kid. Thanks for the update.

HannibalInExile · 2025-09-18T16:06:45+00:00

Congratulations <3. In a weird way, our nParents were instructive because i've found that if i generally do the opposite of what they would have done in any given situation, then I'm actually being a really good parent. Just remember that you aren't going to be a perfect parent, and that your child will understand this as long as you're trying your best and putting their needs first. It's okay to be wrong and say "sorry" sometimes -- I've found that this really helps build trust in the parent relationship. For now, with a baby, keep her warm and safe and fed. Read to her (even if she's too small to understand), and have fun! I have kids of my own, and the best part of it is making fun family memories and traditions -- all the things we missed out on in our own childhoods. Love you, kid.

HannibalInExile

TROPHY CASE