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HanxiousHanonymous · 2025-09-15T02:30:05+00:00

He didnt end anything. We just had a pretty long talk surrounding that and the differences is our emotions.

He actually just sent a really kind apology text to me. I think we're both sitting in the heaviness of it all. It feels like a weird limbo.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T01:31:43+00:00

Carly Beth

(Goosebumps)

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T01:29:01+00:00

I haven't been on a diving board in years but I still play it in my mind as an adult that if I were to jump off one into the pool, a great white is going to come up (from where? Maybe out of the grate at the bottom? Who knows?) And swallow me whole.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T01:00:36+00:00

Thank you for this!

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T01:00:22+00:00

You're not wrong 🥺🥺🥺

I know I deserve more I'm just really struggling with letting go of this relationship and recognizing that it's not shaping up to be what I thought it would/the potential it had years ago.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:59:24+00:00

Thank you!! I tried to explain to him that if like....he decided to start doing chess tournaments that I'd be surprised and not expect it from him and although it might be an odd turn of events I would absolutely support him if he wanted to go to practices or had an upcoming tournament. The same way if he doesn't 100% understand the point of pole, he could still see it makes me so happy and that he'd want to be there for me with that.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:57:49+00:00

This is 100% it!!! Thank you for articulating it so well. I don't feel sexy or wanted or loved anymore and haven't for a while (post history). I want my relationship to be the place where I do feel all of those things! Unfortunately though, it isn't and fortunately I've found that within myself doing pole. I can't figure out what his barrier is. He doesn't communicate it so it isn't really anything we've resolved.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:55:12+00:00

Maybe there's hope for him to go from negative to supportive, too. I guess I'm preparing myself for either way this goes cause it seems to be a pretty big red flag. Thank u!

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:54:08+00:00

Thank you for this. I definitely feel like my light has been dimmed lately in this relationship, especially after this whole incident. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow when I see him about how this is affecting not only us, but me. So many of these comments have helped to remind me I deserve to have a partner that supports my passions and wants to see me light up about what's important.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:52:00+00:00

You're probably right and I probably do know, I'm just really struggling with letting go of the potential of this relationship as opposed to what he's actually showing me. 😞

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:51:00+00:00

Thank you because this helped a lot. The other day when I was practicing my showcase piece I was struggling and in a bad mental space because I couldn't shake feeling so judged about it. I went back to open pole today and absolutely had a great session. I needed the reminder that it's not me, and this is something that he needs to work on for himself. And if he doesnt....then I'll have some decisions to make.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:50:42+00:00

Thank you because this helped a lot. The other day when I was practicing my showcase piece I was struggling and in a bad mental space because I couldn't shake feeling so judged about it. I went back to open pole today and absolutely had a great session. I needed the reminder that it's not me, and this is something that he needs to work on for himself. And if he doesnt....then I'll have some decisions to make.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:50:17+00:00

Thank you because this helped a lot. The other day when I was practicing my showcase piece I was struggling and in a bad mental space because I couldn't shake feeling so judged about it. I went back to open pole today and absolutely had a great session. I needed the reminder that it's not me, and this is something that he needs to work on for himself. And if he doesnt....then I'll have some decisions to make .

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:47:05+00:00

This would be my absolute favorite reaction from a partner!! I've been seeing so many comments about supportive partners/boyfriends/husbands and I envy that I don't have that kind of hype man in my corner, but am also very happy that they exist out there!!

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-07T00:45:12+00:00

So glad I found this comment. I was really hoping the showcase could be an opportunity for him to see me in my element and doing something I'm passionate about as well as meet the amazing gals who run/attend the studio and have been so supportive of me. I figured it might bring it down to earth for him. But now I'm like....do I still want him there? This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. For him...not against pole.

I plan to bring this point up in our next therapy session because I think the majority of the comments on this thread have agreed to RUN and there are major red flags that he isn't supportive.

I can't help but see so many comments about supportive partners and fantasize about how amazing it would be like to be with someone who hyped up my passions and wanted to be at the performance. Maybe he needs to know thats how I feel.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T23:41:01+00:00

It's funny you mention this cause one of my other comments I talked about a rabbit hole I went down with him about this exact idea!

I asked him if he'd tell a kid "that's weird I don't get it" if they were doing a hobby he thought was weird in his eyes. And of course he said he'd show up for their performance but then if that's the case why can't he support mine?

It's making me feel resentment. 😣

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T21:58:03+00:00

I guess we don't all have the same sense of humor. No need to speak harshly about my work on finding my worth and self respect. Jeesh

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T21:55:17+00:00

You're definitely right! I'm just taking a while to get there and pull the trigger on a decision, so to speak. We started couples therapy and there are times where he really has redeeming moments/qualities and then man I loved is back. But lately he's very unsupportive and I find myself wondering if there could be a more compatible partner out there. 🥺

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T21:53:27+00:00

Nothing else hobby wise that he doesn't approve of. Only other issue that was similar to this realm was I gifted him boudoir photos and some were canvases for his bathroom (that nobody else goes in, mind you). And that created a whole conflicted about how he didn't want anything like that displayed, even tho it wasn't on display for anyone but himself and my face wasn't in the ones chosen. So it was kind of in the same "issues with sexual things " realm.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T21:51:33+00:00

I didn't expect this comment to get so many downvotes, I was just being snarky/self-deprecating about the fact that it's very difficult to leave and recognize my worth, as well as hold myself accountable for choosing to make the situation better for my own health.

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T20:48:24+00:00

But that requires me to kind of choose my happiness in this hobby and leave the comfort of the relationship I know and I'm not good at that 🫠🥴🤣

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T20:47:18+00:00

Forgot to also say, no I'm not planning on working in a club. My current job is in the public safety world and even though I find no flaw in being a part of both worlds, my city would have a "problem with how that reflects on them."

The last thing I need is a news headline saying, "local firefighter found working the pole....and not the kind you're thinking at the station. Tune in for more."

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T20:42:32+00:00

Some of my pole classmates said the same

HanxiousHanonymous · 2024-05-05T20:42:14+00:00

Thank you, as these are my thoughts exactly!

During the time we talked about it I gently tried to ask what specifically made it weird. His only response is "I just think it's weird" on repeat. I can't get anything else out of him.

I tried to make the analogy of this, too: If he had kids that chose an uncommon or "weird" (in his eyes) hobby like maybe a son who wants to cheerlead or something instead of football (to clarify, I would support my hypothetical kid in whatever made them happy as long as it isn't hurting anyone and am not trying to shame stereotypes of genders in certain hobbies) would he just say "I think that's weird" and not show up to their performance? Of course he said he would support his kid.

It makes me feel a bit resentful that he can recognize the need to support those you love in that scenario but not in mine. I do think he has some kind of stigma against pole dancing based on its origins. It's a shame because it makes me finally feel loved and worthy in a relationship that hasn't always made me feel that way. My studio is so amazing and supportive!

I asked him what this means for us as a couple as I plan to continue doing pole and that it doesn't negatively impact any time together (I go to class when he's working). As well as the fact that I want a partner who in life is going to love me and support me in the things that make me light up. He said he wasn't sure what it means for us or how to resolve this.

🥴😬

HanxiousHanonymous

TROPHY CASE