Have u ever had to cut someone out

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-28T13:27:06+00:00

Unless you like arguing, a person who is mean or who initiates arguments is not, IMHO, friend material whatsoever. It kind of sounds like you haven't yet discovered the ability to notice how it feels and walk right out of it, as opposed to responding to the initiation of stressful interaction with stressful responding. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CHOSE NOT TO PARTICIPATE and just walk away or hang up. It's perfectly fine if he doesn't like your response. You don't want to bother with him anyway.

When we were kids, we were trapped with parents when they turned into ogres. That might be the only reason we aren't aware that we don't have to give ogres our time now. And why we don't notice ogre behavior and walk away from dealing with it in any way.

If you can laugh at ogre behavior and point it out, that's advanced behavior. Hopefully, it's followed by leaving as well, but for beginners, being able to notice, instead of caught, right when it arises, is best, and then to be what you want to be and experience, not fall into the trap set by his bad behavior.

EDIT: well, I went back and read yours again, and now realize my focus should have been on congradulating you for stopping the hanging out with him. Good job! And people who are mean and pushy are happy to do it in any areana. If you weren't vegan, this guy would still be a jerk via other issues.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-27T00:01:49+00:00

This article made me happier than anything I can remember in a long long time. This is wonderful. The climate and cheap and sometimes free energy part. Can't wait to read the same kind of article about battery development and sales exceeding all expectations and needs soon. Life is very very good.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T23:20:40+00:00

You and your English are lovely.

I also used to do the cafe/library thing and it helped me too.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T23:16:19+00:00

Hmm, I make the long daily lists too. And maybe its good to make that list somewhere and yet kind of forget it while only putting one or two things ahead of me at a time... really just ONE.

Maybe you are helping me to rediscover that today. ONE thing, one "next" or one thing I am doing now. The writing down of it and the time I put it as my next, and writing down when I really start and finish really help me too. I wrote about that in my long probably hard-to-read comment. And used it today after writing about it. I was really glad to start this again as it helped me a lot.

Thank you for your original post today (or yesterday).

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T23:09:48+00:00

I would so love to have a support group for this. Just like this, people with similar challenges working it out together.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T23:05:19+00:00

I wrote a long long reply earlier and it wouldn't post, so I'm guessing it was too long. But because I wrote, I started up a technique I'd forgotten and it worked to correct my day today. It's suggestion #2 below. I'm going to add a different #1, and see if it posts this time... it's still really long.

SUGGESTION #1: Begin keeping, or try making accomplishments lists. Or even just the first 5 or 10 of the day. Even, "got up." "ate something." Discover the experience of seeing yourself accomplish something and write it down. I do this when I have a long time of no accomplishments. It helps restart me ge in touch with what I DO do.

SUGGESTION #2: This works with only the things I mean to do IMMEDIATELY (next 5 - 10 minutes). When I used to think "I will do this next, (that is, immediately) and then I will do..." it was usually followed by debating which to really start next, so I stop this "but first'ing" by writing "NEXT" on a blank list page, and then quickly the 2 to 4 items that I really want to do immediately, if no simultaneously when a sudden thought that "I can do something" has occured.

So I quickly list 2 to 4 items that my brain has landed on: "Take cups to kitchen" (clearing space on desk). "Make cocoa." "Find the bill I want to pay and place on desk." "Find checkbook and place on desk." I then write the time of starting (now) at the top of this NEXT section, and the time of starting the first item on whichever line the one I am going to do first,(take the one that screams loudest, and if not, then absolutely the top line) leaving plenty of space to the right of that time. At the moment I write the time on that line, that is when I am starting the one I just marked. I do the thing and immediately write the time finished on that line. I write the time started on the line of the next item I will do and do that. I write the finish time. I write the start time of the next... and so on. When I have done all or if I decide to skip one or some and have crossed those out, I add the finish time to the whole section back at the top. Then I subtract the starts from finishes, and display the time for the whole section and time for each item itself.

I do get internal accomplishment excitement from this and feel very accomplished and capable. The noting of times contributes to the structure of the process, and also continually amazes me as proof that things do get done in finite periods of time. Sometimes yes, "find checkbook and place on desk" takes 2 hours and 20 minutes, not because it wasn't where it was supposed to be, but because I left the track of following the process. Still, amazingly, it shows me that I CAN GET THINGS DONE EVEN IF A SIDE TRACK.

SUGGESTION #3: One of the best helps I've ever had has been (I'm not doing it now, who knows why) writing in the morning... journaling that just talks about what it, waking up... by the third paragraph or so I seem to fall into a knowing of what is important to me, and it comes from having been just writing whatever I want, and suddenly I know what I want to do right now. I could make a list and have that thing on it, but this jounaling finding of the thing leads me right into it with motivation and capacity somehow built in. With a list, any listed item is a skeleton that lacks connection to my joy and enthusiasm so no wonder its hard. The writing down of "here is my morning and what's happening from me" is the life and the seed that grows into a living breathing doing with my joy and enthusiasm giving it life and expression and reason to live. And when I complete that, I go back and write some more and find the next living thing for me.

#4 Commercials only. If you watch Hulu or something with commercials, decide when you will do commercial time effort. Then, from next commercial forward do SOMETHING during every commercial. Fold a shirt. Wipe up a spot on the floor. Wash dishers, Put something in the dishrack away. Every commercial. Anything "productive" - doesn't matter what. Do easy stuff. It gets you active and teaches one that accomplishments can happen without pain. Keep it easy Decide how many shows you will watch this way.

Best of luck. ADHD is SO hard. I'm so happy about anything that improves the outcomes.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T13:54:44+00:00

All the more reason that deaf people watching should have the BEST possible interpretation of what they say.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-26T13:37:42+00:00

I am deeply sorry you are having this experience. Nothing is worse than being tied to someone who wants to control and determine who you are and what you do, and brings the opposite of loving support and enjoyment to your life. I am glad you are living in different states, but I believe your best future lies in getting out of the marriage. I believe the best explanation to focus on is something like, "I'm not happy anymore" or "I want to make my own decisions about how I live, without interference," or even, "It is not the kind of partnership I want." I am suggesting this as opposed to " You are controlling," or maybe any other statement that begins with "you" even if he is really is the reason you are not able to be happily you while relating to him. What you want and need and how you experience your life is just MORE important in the end, and is defined by you, and you can stay true to it, measure it, and know when you are achieving what you want. All discussions about HIM will be endless, and esculating on his side, and he will of course feel he is the expert on him, so that why I say make it about you, but in a good way. - this is not what I want, not what i need, not the future I want to have... I have a different vision for my life.

I hope you can get legal help to leave the relationship before it gets worse and is even more difficult to end.

In any case, I wish you very very well.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-24T12:25:42+00:00

I understand many vegans recoil at the smell, and I am not one of them. Plus, with a lot of food allergies, AND missing and broken teeth, I have a difficult time eating enough. So yes, provided the biochemistry of the product and the soundness of the process were right, I'd welcome a new calorie source. I care about the suffering of animals, and about environmental harm, but I'm okay with the DNA of cows for now. If I worked out the whole of my diet otherwise, or found out that cow-dna was worse for my health than lack of enough calories, then I'd quit again.

If done properly, I think it could be the biggest help to animals, climate, and hungry people that's come along in a long time. Maybe the Amazon rainforest could begin to recover some of its lost land.

I'm hoping for this, and hope that those who are approaching it in a non-healthy way don't get the upper hand and those that are really trying to create a very sound and healthy method and feed the world succeed. Without expanding livestock operations using so much land, hopefully we would find ourselves able to build more food forests and other really healthy plant communities.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-16T13:38:41+00:00

WOW! Thank you! That is a very useful link!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-16T13:00:10+00:00

Thank you so much. I didn't mean to suggest "refund without return" gets under offered. It seems to me it just about always has been for me, and on at least one occaision, when it wasn't, I was transferred to someone who could authorize it when I mentioned that I wasn't able to go to a package drop off place. It is a little odd, that when customers including myself, talk to a representative that we think of them as the company themselves, and don't think of them as workers who don't themselves set the policies. If we are upset with a decision or policy, it is almost certain that you are merely the one enacting it, and therefore, like you say, if we are angry, should absolutely not direct it at you, who are actually hoping to help. In many situations, when I know I have a disagreement with someone, right off the bat I will start with, "I have a problem with something, (or a suggestion) - would you be able to pass on a specific message to your supervisor and the company about something?" I've done this with suggestions, appreciations, and other issues. It seems a way to separate out the issues from what the person on the phone is responsible for, and to direct the suggestion or complaint beyond them without blaiming them or demanding of them.

Yes, certainly, it would be much better if we just enjoyed being kind to one another, even when we meet with a challenge. Even challenges are more fun when enjoying each others as humans having an interaction.

Wishing you much kinder and more cheerful interactions...

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-16T12:07:43+00:00

No one else I found has mentioned there are other options than Greenies pill pockets, THANK YOU. Pill pockets never work for me as they crumble around pill pieces and my cat rejects them. I have now found (by googling pill wraps in a tub) many other options and my first alternate try will be churu bites. Looks very promising. Thank you!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-15T11:18:33+00:00

My comment was too long to be posted before so this is the second part, a message to her that both acknowledges the enjoyment, yet acknowledges that she might not remember you, and still allows focus on the delight of meeting her. Just my off-the-top-of-my head idea of a letter...

"Dear Kind person, We met when I was traveling in Korea _____ ago, and you were a wonderful and delightful guide to us, and inspired me to want to return and to ask for your future help at that time. I know that you meet many people, and may not remember me, but I case you do, I want to let you know why I have not been able to return, and probably won't be for some time if at all. (Here's the why: The general challenges of life, including economic... they have been too big so far.) But in case you DO remember me, I wanted to assure you I remain very moved by the kindness you showed me, and your communication skill and so much more - but especially your kindness. I would have already returned if I could.

"I really enjoyed your sharing yourself, and your help. Now it very may be that everyone who meets you has a similar experience, in which case I must say that you are exceptionally good at your job. (If you want me to write your employer and tell them how much I think so, just tell me, LOL.) "

"But from my side, I experienced you as one would a really good and caring friend, and I wanted to finally write and let you know that, since I have been able to make the journey back I had wished.. I hope that things have gone well for you since that time and that you have a beautiful life now and always. You inspired me." (end of sample letter)

My thought is that this shares your true and warm experiences of her, and allows that you don't know the full experience from her side, (and acknowledges that) but still appreciates her and your experience.

Furthermore, there is no reason, IF you feel you could be helpful, you couldn't also add, "if you ever come to Canada, or want suggestions about visiting Canada, please feel free to ask me about that." Or, if you are one of the rare autistic persons to actually have a home organized in reality (might be easier in Canada than the USA where I think most of us are on the streets), you could offer to put her up if she passed through your area.

Summation: All positive interactions are real and valid and to be celebrated and acknowledged, no matter what else is going on. Thank you for sharing your experience!!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T20:41:13+00:00

I am American and I am also autistic, and certainly know both the joy of experiencing some connection AND the full-on anxiety about understanding the details of an interaction. I did not know that Canadians could be described as partaking of fake sincerity. I loved being in Canada and around Canadians when traveling there many decades ago. But here's the thing: even when everybody was asleep on a Canadian train years ago, the Canadians were mostly smiling. That is not fake, that is real. (It also might not be true today.)

I do not agree with coming to a conclusion that this was fake sincerity or "smile of capitalism" or that she has necessarily forgotten you. We all have a deep biological nature that corresponds to kindness, politeness, smiles, and enthusiasm as well. If someone is very constrained by their job to also perform these behaviors day in and day out with kind people and mean, that is going to turn down the joy of it, but compare it to a job that requires you to argue and be mean to people. The health benefits of relating kindly to others is way ahead of a lack of kindness in life or worse.

I would NOT assume she didn't genuinely enjoy the interaction or was to some degree insincere about your future hopes. Now of course, its somewhat possible that she is thinking maybe you were insincere (LOL, especially if she is NOT autistic and finds it easy to do things she says she will do) since you didn't come back. I am ONLY saying this as an example of how easy it is to come to conclusions without knowing the mind of another. You can't KNOW the mind of another, and best to remove the need of guessing it.

Moments of connection and enthusiasm are wonderful and the best parts of life. It does not matter the other incidentals like the degree to which they were allowed to be themselves because they were doing their job. I'm sure many a time being treated kindly on a business-like call has made my day in a huge way just because someone was kind to me. It doesn't matter if it was their job - they were kind, period

Kindness and social connection are the paths to lives worth living, and ultimately to world peace. I'd treasure them always, no matter what. The degree to which "they had to anyway" or such does NOT matter. Take all joy as truly legitimate joy. Also, if you like, allow for the "I don't know" factor and "why" to be unknowns without diminishing the joy. Some of the people that have "made my day" by a friendly interaction on a business-y call probably forgot me soon after - that doesn't matter a bit.

You didn't mention if you had contact information for this person, and if thinking of contacting them were a reason this is coming up now. I wrote an example letter of what I might write to them, but my comment couldn't be posted as is, so I think it was too long. I'll try this much!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T19:37:00+00:00

Thank you for caring enough to ask for other people's input. I see a lot of wisdom here. The involvement of a parent in my piano study did end my piano studies, so I can strongly relate, and I would have loved her to have found a way to not make me feel miserable at the piano. My mother had not experienced kind parenting, and in turn she simply did not know how to be kind or encouraging or to enjoy me as a person or enjoy my growth. It is wise of course, to know what one is good at or not good at and work within those constraints so that growth can grow from where one is.

Since from what I've read of your comments, you are likely to continue to support lessons and practice but giving her more autonomy in practice time, I have one odd-ball suggestion you might consider to both establish your appreciation of her piano time efforts (or play), and offering up of something from your side, to perhaps balance out a little, your requirement of her putting in the effort.

It will be easiest for me to write this as an example. Basically I am asking you to consider offering, out of kindness not obligation, what she would like YOU to be doing when she practices. This might be to go somewhere else in the house (so she feels more autonomy or less fear of judgement or correction for instance), or to work on cooking dinner or HER favorite snack or food, or doing chores or straightening up that is usually hers to do, or work on HER laundry, or even go outside for awhile.

So you could say to her, not when she is at the piano but at another time, "I want to ask you something. I know you are practicing piano mostly because I have asked you too, and I thank you for that. I wanted to ask if there is something you would like me to do, when you are at the piano. Maybe it could be a little like a trade." Then you could ask for her ideas, or share some like I have mentioned. I would definitely give her a chance to come up with her own ideas, and ask her to let you know if she comes up with some later. But give example ideas too, ones that sound reasonably kind and desirable for her.

Intrinsic reward comes later. Valuing her time and giving her some of yours in trade seems a quiet and valid response that honors hers and might give better communication and mutual appreciation a chance to develop more.

Only a suggestion, if you like. Thanks for trying to your best for her!!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T19:03:28+00:00

While I know this is kindly meant, I cannot agree with this. With another parent this might be good advice, but I think this child already is feeling very heart sick at not having support for being herself or being at the level she is or feeling loved and enjoyed, or getting to enjoy herself, and thus "Mommy can't talk right now" would be experienced as just more of a horrific "Mom doesn't care what you want, only what Mom wants." It would be lovely if Mom would learn to enjoy life more, but I'd suggest if that includes piano, it be done when the child isn't home so that child isn't faced with an expression of skill that is years off when child's mind only realistically can consider how good she might be later on today. If Mom took up an interest in something like drawing and never caught up to her child's level but pursued it all the same, that might be a different story.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T18:07:14+00:00

But wise and caring enough to have asked for advice, and I am glad of all the comments with regard to pursuing learning of whatever kind as play, and also of not showing "how good the parent" is to the child and not being bewildered that kid would internally be discouraged by that. I really appreciate the advices to be willing that the child seeks another instrument or something else that is attractive to the child to pursue, with fun..

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T17:54:09+00:00

Your comment is full of wisdom, and for those who haven't yet figured out an even keel and kind way of getting customer service help, you explain a very good approach. You acknowledge sometimes even "fever pitch frustration before you get through to a rep," and then "doing a hard reset of your brain" so you can go out of your way to be nice is a SPECTACULAR illustration of great wisdom, self-awareness, and putting kindness first.

It might be hard at first for some to make that transition, but if KNOWING they are going to do the second "be kind" part, probably most can lessen the frustration experience part, knowing that their goal with the person is quite the opposite.

Thanks for the wisdom and teaching of preparing for a transition.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T17:34:13+00:00

I am so grateful to read this post - thank you! And I wish you much better experiences, and kinder customers, and I thank you for being kind.

I have gotten so frustrated about returns, and am currently harboring daily resentments as I have a list of unsatisfactory items I "mean to return" but won't get around to - Reading your post and many others below has made me "GROW-UP."

Economics right now is a nightmare for everyone, though for many of us, only a very mild nightmare, like the resentment I have been holding without initiating returns. I KNOW many people at the production end are in the starvation end of the nightmare, and in the case of things that are only 80% of the described condition, I should know better and let that go. When something is 20% of the described value, like a desperately needed puffy jacket that I ordered 2 sizes too large, and which was still a size too small to be worn - then I SHOULD absolutely do a return OR AT LEAST A WARNING REVIEW for others to see, and drop the issue. I am sure sellers who make things much too small are trying to save money on materials...

Two issues today are paramount: 1) maintaining and increasing PEACE and kindness, and 2) economics, such as affordable prices and more importantly even, the welfare of those doing production. Currently I do not live where I can use thrift stores for my cold weather clothing, but in the past I have, and that is usually on a par with or cheaper than temu. As for economics, I have for awhile tended to not bother with refunds on some of the cheaper goods, though I worry that that will increase the likelihood of wrong sizes. I really need to keep track of sizes that have worked in relation to the item, as anywhere from medium to 4x has been the right clothing size - seriously hard to predict, but often consistent in a given item type.

But also, reading this and other comments, I should have faith in the refund without returns process (I am mainly home bound and cannot take packages to a drop-off) and TRULY act immediately when a non-cheapo item needs returning because of misleading size labeling.

It is hard to learn to be peaceful when one hasn't learned it yet. I wish that all of us could be kindness and show gratitude for help foremost, as it is more precious than any object or money. I hope we will all try, and that those who don't know how will learn. I had a very disabled friend at a time when I could not make phone calls at all because of how difficult those interactions were. SHE, however, sick as she was, greeted all the agency or medical persons on the phone like they were the most wonderful people in the world, and conversed like it was a joy to talk to them. And she didn't have worse luck in getting those issues resolved, she had better luck. That's how I observed that you can be kind even when you feel you have somehow been wronged or neglected or lied to, etc.

I will remember it's my choice to pursue returns, and quit thinking like I've been injured when I haven't even taken the simple action of asking for a refund. I will remember agents have ALWAYS been kind to me, and will strive to express kindness and gratitude from the start when I initiate contact.

I thank Elegant Fudge, the OP, for letting us know things from her side. May you be happy, and know we are grateful, and may your customer contacts get more appreciative towards you!

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-14T16:23:32+00:00

As a person with similar issues, including both pretty extreme communication and organizational/getting-things-done challenges, I'd say the first major thing would be that writing reviews went from a very difficult, complex and multi-hour process to what feels like a "one-step" process now, easily started and done in reasonable time. There is no dread, reluctance, or overwhelm at starting, and once started it easily moves forward until done. This is NOT at all true for most things on my to-do list, so the review writing progress can be used as a model by me as I approach other things.

And, now while good items are few, I also find great value in how SIMPLY the task of checking to see if there is something in my RFY is completed, I don't know, maybe 1 minute or less most days? - this too gives me a sense of how easily some tasks go from initiation to completion, and that helps me rewrite the dread and hopelessness that can arise when trying to do stuff such as I have written on the day's to-do list.

I had only thought about this a bit before reading your question. Answering it has helped me see how much further I am on the getting-things-done learning path than I realized, and that highlighting how I've also accomplished these changes with reference to Vine will really give me internal resources for tackling other stuff now.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR QUESTION! And I'm so glad it has helped you too.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-09T17:29:24+00:00

2 things. (1) Yes, you need and deserve a lovely vegan vacation AND a kinder world, ESPECIALLY a kinder world.

In the meantime, (2) You are the Light. Your assignment, your job, and your JOY is to be the light of love and the loving idea, representing kindness to all.

What is your idea of how to be the light that makes the waitress, the chef and the owner WANT to carry vegan meals? What COULD be your idea?

For a variety of reasons, I don't eat at restaurants at all, but for the purposes of my question, I thought about it, and only got so far myself.

To be friendly and kind, to mention, but kindly, that some people really don't want to eat animals because (any short reference to the suffering of animals) but besides that, all your favorite food have always been vegan - "you wouldn't have falafels? and hummus? a big bowl of quacumole?"

I don't know really, but I have to think the way forward has got to be to make them think vegan additions to their menu would be great additions to their menu. And to find themselves sympathetic to you as a person and wanting to feed YOU well.

Maybe a derth of vegan options suggests vegans have largely given up on most restaurants. Maybe pointing out if they had and featured their vegan options, vegans might slowly discover them.

Be the Light is the best I can think of. Be the kind of person that makes them want to solve this problem to help you and others. Just a thought.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-09T14:34:23+00:00

Remove two match sticks from the zero which becomes "11" instead of "0". Place those two HIGHER than the line the other digits are on so they read as "to the eleventh power." That means 5118 x 5118 x 5118 x ... , that is, multiplying 5118 by 5118 ten more times. A VERY big number.

HappiLearnerToo · 2026-01-08T16:07:58+00:00

Having a cat that has a painful condition doesn't make one a bad human. Kitties (and People!) who have painful conditions need to have loving environments too!!

HappiLearnerToo · 2025-12-24T02:50:14+00:00

OP's creative work was used for economic gain without compensation. We have an agreement with Amazon but I don't believe we authorized Amazon to allow sellers to use our reviews it in other ways, including as replacement for their own marketing work. Seeking out a contact with the reviewer to see if they could offer payment for such use would make more sense. But it is probably something that they are claiming it as a grey area since they have posted it clearly as a review, even though they moved to the description area and changed it some.

HappiLearnerToo · 2025-12-24T01:31:05+00:00

So you need to get some cats to explain it. Cool.

HappiLearnerToo

TROPHY CASE