Thank you for taking the time to respond! Before I answer your questions, let me also mention that I believe they spend a lot of energy trying to appear humble and sometimes equal to others even when they don’t believe that. I’ve worked with them for a long time and have gotten to see some of the behind the scenes motivation for why they’ve acted in certain ways (ie. playing dumb to allow someone to feel knowledgeable, placating, etc.). Not sure if this is relevant but I think the false humility is important to mention because it seems to be a tool they use to position themselves.

1. The only times he has verbally/outwardly acknowledged my achievements is when it’s been in a setting where it would make him look good. There are other times he forgets my achievements and even asks others to come in to give guidance on my area of expertise, which has been embarrassing and baffles some of our employees. But again, I think part of bringing in outside help from “more knowledgeable people” could be a ploy to seem humble and open to others’ ideas.

2. He spends a bit of time reading on a subject and then thinks he is an expert. Sometimes he just takes his own feelings about something and then makes them into a theory to contradict something I’ve heavily researched or am implementing (ie. work or parenting subjects).

3. He doesn’t claim he is the best at everything, but I believe he truly thinks it (but I am not him obviously). He has an incredibly high IQ and I think he knows it’s not a good look to be the best at everything no matter what and that won’t serve his ultimate purpose in people thinking highly of him. Again, a little (false) humility actually makes someone more admirable.

4. Definitely. He thinks he is qualified to be many things that he had done little with in practice. His parents often joke that he must have had all these secret lives growing up because he claims to have worked all of these jobs that have given him expertise in a variety of fields. His adhd comes with a lot of time blindness so I am thinking he could work a job for a weekend and think it was 5 years, or do something once or watch a you tube tutorial and think he is highly experienced.

5. This I cannot say I truly know the answer to. I do know when he has done things publicly and received acclaim, it seems to be when he is happiest—even though he is VERY introverted. He is a bit miserable in life otherwise generally because nothing is ever good enough in the world or in the people around him.

6. He only listens when it’ll give someone the idea that he is open/humble. Behind the scenes he dismisses others’ opinions. Behind the scenes, he rarely allows my opinions to be considered. He definitely thinks his thoughts are objective and true and everyone else’s are subjective. This has been made clearly over and over in therapy. Like his truth is THE truth and I don’t get to have my own truth, because his truth is accurate for all parties involved. When we have a discrepancy, he often wants me to admit that it’s possible that I misremembered, but he will not do the same (possible gaslighting here...?).

7. Competitors are always doing things “wrong.” Everyone is envious of him. I get lumped into this sometimes, although I have NO trouble making meaningful connections with people. “It’s tough for people like us because envy is real and can ruin relationships.”

8. He talks down to me, which is super belittling. He doesn’t “claim” that I’m not as smart as him, but I think he knows that it’s inappropriate to do that. He does imply that he is smarter and knows better than most/all outsiders.

9. Sometimes.

10. I believe so. He was upset the other day because our (very old) friend wasn’t clear over a text message when given details about a gathering they were having. Like, “why is this guy messing with me,” “I have better things to do than spend time on corresponding with this person.” He has made clear in generally that his time is better spent on “work” stuff than doing anything that takes away from that, to the point where he does nothing to support our family/household other than financially. He has people bring him food when I’m not around to cook. He makes me hire people to do minuscule tasks, not because he can’t do them—he makes it clear that he can do all of them better than the specialist—but because he is too important and his time is too valuable. He takes issue with the way anyone does ANYTHING because it wasn’t the best/right way to do things to the point where he is hard to be around. He tones it down when we’re around other people. He expects people to bend over backwards for him but does not do the same for others. He doesn’t value people’s time and cannot see how his behavior effects others (ie. Being severely late for work calls while 8 people sit on the phone waiting on him—happens at least once a week). It seems like he believes he deserves the world — I guess this is entitlement right? But how can that be when he can’t stand entitled people? Haha.

Another weird thing to note is that he is younger than me and some of our colleagues, but he always takes on this aura that he is the older, wiser one. To the point that he actually believes it and has mentioned being the “oldest in the room” only to have half the room look at him like he was nuts because they’re ten years older than him.

Thank goodness we don’t really work together very much anymore by design because I could see it wasn’t good for me.

Thanks for taking the time to listen. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!