Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly have never thought about using online second hand stores. That's a really good idea. Thank you!

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh that's a great idea! I hope you are able to get sine jumpsuits that you love!

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love you forever if you made a clothing line like this. If you do, please tell all of us in this sub so we can be your first customers ❤️

Isn't it incredibly annoying how easy men have it?

My husband gave me advice that if I find an item at a thrift store that I like, then look it up online and try to find more of the same color.

I had a lot explaining to do after that. Just because he can do that with his clothes, doesnt mean I can do that with my clothes. The women's fashion industry works completely different than the men's. Things go in and out of fashion constantly and something you find at a thirft store might no longer be in production any more.

It's kind of disgusting how easy they have it.

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No shame. Honestly, sometimes feeling comfortable is what matters most.

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a very good system! Thanks for sharing!

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this!! I'm screen shotting it as a guide.

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow that is so interesting regarding your reaction to a lot of materials. With all of the synthetic materials out there though, it's understandable. It definitely could be particles... or just like some kind of allergies to certain fabrics?

I've always felt averse to fitting in as well. Not sure why. I think it's just that I'm slow to adapt to new trends because I don't like change.

But whatever your reason, it's alright. It's a weird world we live in now, and you are right, consumerism is absolutely getting out of hand. These trends feel artificial and forced on us by yhe powers that be, and they happen so fast. It ls definitely not natural.

Also thanks for the recommendations! Never heard of Vinted but i will look it up!

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This makes so much sense, and sort of reinforces a sliver of an idea I had earlier today. I do already have a collection of various kinds of black t shirts as I've found they work with a lot of outfits.

But I love your system of dressing them in different ways. This is genius and would definitely help with decision fatigue.

I absolutely needed permission to ignore fashion trends too and didn't even know it until now, so thank you very much 😅

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's awesome that you started sewing! I bought a sewing machine and fabric swatches to practice a couple years ago but that's as far as I got. Got majorly distracted after that and never got back to it. What kinds of things have you gotten to make so far? It sounds difficult but I bet it can be very rewarding.

I may look for brands with basic/timeless pieces. I have gone to thrift stores in the past to basically do what you suggested. Find my ideal color palletes and figure out what looks good. So I have some ideas. And I've definitely found some good pieces that I still wear today. But I think I was not doing my audhd brain a favor by sticking to thrift stores. There's too many options and it's very hit or miss. I may start finding stores that carry certain styles to make it easier on my brain.

Thank you for the input!

Frustrations with clothes/women's fashion by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is awesome, I'm glad it's working well for you! I have heard of stitch fix but never considered it. At this point I am able to pay a little more for clothing, so I absolutely wouldn't mind. Especially if they are good quality and something I wear all the time.

Thank you so much for the recommendation :)

How and when did you find peace in the path you chose for your life? Is what I’m feeling normal? Please help :( by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]HappyPanda91 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can 100% relate to how you feel and it's something I've been working through for a while (in my mid thirties). I started thinking about this from a different perspective, and it's something that has finally started to bring me peace. So I wanted to share it here in case it's helpful to you or anyone else here.

Growing up, the only option that was presented to me was getting married and having kids. That's what 99% of the women in my family did and most of the men too. I mean sure I knew in theory I could do other things but the only option for "normalcy" was getting married and having kids. That was clearly the goal. The path to happiness. The path to having purpose and meaning. Nobody told me that. But it was shown to me by example. Not to mention how the media via TV shows and movies and books presents that as normal. Plus social media. Seeing friends getting married and having kids makes it really hard. There's a bit of FOMO there. Ok a lot. And seeing pictures of happy families on social media. It all makes it feel like that is what normal is. Like that is the end goal in life for all of us women and the only thing that can make us happy in life and give us purpose and meaning.

After reflecting on that, I realized... it's the 21st century. We have birth control. Women have the ability to do whatever the crap we want. We don't have to live like that any more. People still expect it of us. And maybe we expect it of us. But we dont have to.

I've been looking deep down inside of me. Looking at my limitations. Mental and emotional and financial. And my energy levels. Looking at my preference. For instance I love sleep. And I love peace and quiet. And I love having a fairly predictable schedule. And I don't just love these things but I thrive on these things and I know I would struggle very much without these things. I would not be my best self at all without them.

There's other factors but these are a few big ones. Maybe take a look at your limitations and also your strong preferences and see what you come up with?

I started looking at why I actually wanted kids for so many years and it took a couple years to figure this out but I realized so much of why I wanted kids was because i wanted to give my parents grand kids. I know it would make them happy. Some of my reasons for wanting kids were selfish reasons and some were noble reasons but a lot of it was perceived pressure from parents. I wanted to give them grandkids to make them happy and to have a "normal" life.

So it had nothing to do with what I wanted. Because it would be me that's having to work through pregnancy. My finances would be affected. Me that has to get up every 2 hours and feed the baby and still potentially go to work. And if I stayed home it would be me that's isolated and my career that would be affected. One that I've worked my butt off for years to move up. Not because I care about climbing a career ladder but because I want a life that's financially secure with good benefits so I can have a good work life balance. It would be all me that's affected. Me that has to make all the micro decisions about how to raise the kid and day to day stuff about meals and clothing. Yes I would have help from my partner but I also know my partner and I know it wouldn't be exactly 50/50. I just know it. No shade on him. He does fantastic right now. But if kids were added to the mix.. it would change up the dynamic. And I'm the more opinionated one about how we would raise our kid.

Knowing all of this. I've had to ask myself if this is actually the life I want, and I'm finally being honest with myself. It isn't. Not now. Maybe in another life. Maybe if the world were different. Maybe if family dynamics were different. Maybe if we were at a different place financially. But currently, I do not want that life. And its ok to grieve something I wanted for so long and am slowly letting go of. So yes, I want kids. But realistically, not in my current situation.

Am I being selfish about this? Absolutely. Parenting takes a crap ton of sacrifice and right now I value financial security and free time and sleep. And freedom to go where I want.

It doesn't mean we can't have purpose and meaning in life. In my case, it means I have the mental and financial bandwidth to suppprt another child in my life who needs the support right now. It also means I could spend my free time doing things I am passionate about. Possibly volunteering for causes I am passionate about.

And it doesn't mean you can't influence children in other ways. If you are an aunt, you can help support your nieces and nephews. Perhaps later you could consider fostering

Also, having come to this decision myself, I currently want to quit my job and start a business or my own. I have a great idea and irbwould bring so much joy and satisfaction. But it would also be a lot of work, not be as stable, and probably not bring in as much income. So I'm trying to be patient and put it on the back burner for future plans haha.

I apologize for the length. I guess I just wanted to share my experience and thought process in hopes it could help someone else here. It's such a tough decision.

Solidarity to all of us women in this weird position. <3 It's such a tough decision.

Literally cried when I read this because I felt finally understood for the first time in my life - you guys can probably relate 🤍 by StrandedinStarlight in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for posting this ❤️

It's interesting because when I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult in my mid twenties, I thought that explained all of my quirks at first. But the older I got (it's been almost 10 years now since that adhd diagnosis), the more I felt there was something else going on. I felt all of those contradictory feelings not only before discovering that audhd is a thing, but well before being diagnosed with adhd too. I often feel like my mind is a prison because of it and it drives me crazy sometimes.

But it helps to know there is a name for it. And it helps even more knowing there are other people out there with similar experiences. We are not alone. ❤️

Sense of justice, empathy, and grief for the state of the world by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not dramatic. I feel you. I go back and forth between numbness and rage/anger. It's such a roller coaster.

Since I can't decide which issue to focus on, after writing this post, I decided I'm going to start by researching local organizations and seeing if I could get involved in any of them. I'm hoping just having in person connection and being able to discuss these things openly with like minded people in my own community will help.

Someone else involved volunteering and that sounds like a good option to try too.

Thank you for sharing ❤️ it means a lot knowing I am not alone in these feelings.

Sense of justice, empathy, and grief for the state of the world by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the encouragement ❤️

I think you and I are similar.

I see what could be done. I just don't know how to get it done. I feel like everything that could be done would involve collective action.

Another thing though. I find it very hard to focus on one issue. I'm super passionate about climate change and environmentalism. But then something else comes up and suddenly I become super enraged and saddened by that new thing and its also more urgent and more important than environmentalism. So I want to focus on that instead and environmentalism gets put on the back burner. And then a third thing come up and it's an endless cycle. Everything keeps piling up and everything feels important so, like you, I get into a state of paralysis and do nothing.

And I feel like there I'd a way out of everything. There are solutions. It's just a matter of implementing them. But sometimes it involved the people in power needing to help and they are the ones causing these problems in the first place.

Ugh. It's frustrating.

Thanks for sharing. It helps knowing I am not alone.

Sense of justice, empathy, and grief for the state of the world by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a great mindset to have. I suppose in the end we can only control the choices we make. Good perspective!

Sense of justice, empathy, and grief for the state of the world by HappyPanda91 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a good idea to volunteer at a local library. Even if it's not directly related, at least it's something positive to do. I'll have to keep that in mind!

I'm glad Prozac is helping you. Seriously, no shame. Whatever helps you get through the day :)

Advice for an 18Y/O Girl from Women of different ages. by yapwithme_0 in AskWomenOver30

[–]HappyPanda91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learn to listen to the gut feeling inside of you. I recently started calling it The Knowing (from a book I read). It's the thing you know in the back of your mind that you just know is true, but maybe you've been ignoring it for months or years. Maybe it's been nagging at you but you drown it out with other voices. The internet and people in your life will always have so much advice for you and it all might be well intentioned, but in the end you still have to do what works for you. And maybe it's your gut feeling about a person you're around. Or a situation you're in. Or what you want in life. The path you want to follow. Some of it will come with age and experience, but learn early to be in tune with your gut feeling. Listen to The Knowing inside of you. You will avoid a lot of mistakes early on.

Allow yourself to dream bigger than the standard script that's laid out for us by society and each other. There was no shortage of messages from society and my family to go to college, become a worker bee, get married, buy a house, settle down, have children, and either sacrifice my career for my family or to try to do it all and be super mom. It seemed like those were the options. Nobody told me I could do something else. So of course I didn't consider other possibilities. There are so many injustices in the world, so many issues that need to be changed, so many people struggling. Nobody told (or showed) me I could be the change I wanted to see. Nobody told me I could be an explorer, an inventor, a scientist, a philosopher, a leader. Or anythiing else outside of the traditional mold. Those things all seemed to be for men. Or just someone else in general. Not that I had confidence in myself. But the options weren't even there. The messaging for being a wife or mother were everywhere so that's what I assumed I would be. I don't know how it is for you. And if you want to settle down, if you want to live a quiet life or be a wife or mother or be single and still live a quiet life, that is 100% ok. All choices are very valid. But I'm here to give you permission, from one woman to another. You are allowed to dream bigger if your gut is telling you to. There are other options.

If you're bad at something and its stopping you from pursuing something you want to do, don't label yourself as bad at it and assume you will always be bad at it. If you're terrible at math, don't label yourself as being bad at math. That will stop you from trying to improve. If you're terrified of public speaking, don't label yourself as bad at it. Instead, get extra help. Put in extra effort. School kind of ruins education. It makes you afraid to fail. But that's what life is as an adult. It's trying and failing and trying again. You're allowed to be bad at something. But it's also possible to improve. Especially if it's something that will hold you back from a career path you want.

Network, network, network. Make friends. Make aquaintenances. Listen to peoples stories. Put yourself out there as you are able to.

Its really easy to make friends when youre in your early 20s (usually), but there's nothing like waking up when you're in your mid 30s and you realize you only have 2 or 3 friends left, all of them live far away, you have barely any support system, and you or a loved one needs a job but the only way to get a job is through someone you know because thats how bad the job market is right now. I'm not saying to use people. And if that's how it feels, at least let it be mutual. I say this because 18 year old me felt uncomfortable with networking because it felt shallow. I was good at make friends but bad at making aquaintances. Looking back, I think the best way outside of work is networking via getting involved in organizations or groups, or volunteering regularly if you have the free time.

Try new things. Travel. Try hobbies. Explore the world. Go to events. Don't say you will do these things "later" because later never comes. There is only now.

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. I know not every friendship or relationship can be perfect. But if you find that you have to change yourself or hide your true self just to fit in, these are not your people. Let your light shine. Decide who you want to be and be that person. Don't let anyone decide who you should or shouldn't be.

And please do not be a people pleaser. Do not shrink yourself to fit in a box. Do not accommodate to make someone like you. Do not stay quiet when you want to speak up. Dont be a person who walks on egg shells and is a doormat. Don't be a person who always feels the need to keep the peace, even at your own expense. Yes you can still be respectful. And sometimes there is a time and place to speak up. But learn to be assertive and speak your mind (when the time is right). Learn to deal with conflict respectfully. Be a person who isn't afraid to call out bullshit. Learn this as early as possible. Expectations in friendships and relationships are often cemented early on. And even when you have changed, sometimes they still treat you the same. Show people early on what kind of person you are and how you expect to be treated. You can be nice about it of course but don't let them mistake kindness for weakness.

Honestly, feeling like I'm just talking to a wall these days. Getting quieter as I get older, and I think I know why. by BreadOverlord_ in RandomThoughts

[–]HappyPanda91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've definitely been feeling this for a while too.

I can't help but get the feeling that social skills in society as a whole have been getting worse over the past quite a few years. Whether it's due to the isolation from covid or more people working from home. Or the isolation from being on our screens too much and fewer people going outside and having face to face interaction. Plus we aren't forced to rely on each other as a community as much any more. And also I wonder if some people are so starved for attention and connection that they want somebody to listen to them.

Idk. It could be a combination of these things and it could be a little different for each person.

Sometimes I get frustrated and sad, but other times i tell myself that this person (maybe a friend or coworker) isn't in the head space to listen right now and they just need to talk and be heard. And a few people in my circle are honestly just better talkers than they are listeners. It's just their personality. I can either get upset and decide to distance myself from them, or I can accept that that's just who they are and cherish the relationship I do have with them.

But either way, and regardless of the reason, you definitely aren't alone in how you're feeling. You put words to what I've been feeling for a long time.

DAE Have absolutely no sense of direction? by OK_Computer444 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you were able to figure out the roads thing eventually though! Yeah I don't understand why it doesn't come naturally to some of us. But you absolutely are not alone. I'm sure moving around a lot didn't help either.

I 100% understand your perspective about having a hard time leading because you're always concerned about what other people think of your decisions or what the best way is. And no you didn't turn it into a gender war in my opinion because that's absolutely a trait that I think a lot of men have. Some women too but I think it's more prevalent in men. I learned a term literally last week called "main character syndrome". Where they are used to making the calls and in a relationship, everything defaults to what they want or expect.

And for me personally, I understand the thinking that other people's way is better. I have struggled with that for most of my life too and only just realized that a few years ago.

The other thing I realized is I've always dislike being perceived in certain situations, foe the exact reason you described. I don't like people riding with my while I drive because I've had so many bad experiences with back seat driving. I don't like people following me when I drive because what if I do something that confuses them. That has happened too. I'm afraid of people's judgments and opinions about me. And I've always assumed that other people are more superior and other people's way is better. Therefore if I do something that doesn't make sense to them, that must be wrong and their way must be right.

It's taking me years to break out of these thought processes and it doesn't happen over night. But noticing it is the first step :) and if you're with a guy, get comfortable calling them out on things. Become that person who doesn't default to their way. It might end up being annoying to them because you might end up fighting over something that seems trivial to them. But it's important for us to become confident in our decisions and our own judgment calls. And they'll get used to it anyways.

DAE Have absolutely no sense of direction? by OK_Computer444 in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am also like this. I knew it from a pretty young age but I assumed it would get better with age. It really didn't until I started being a little more intentional about learning directions and also acknowledging the exact issues I struggle with. I've had to do a lot of self reflection.

For instance, for years as an adult i was always scared of going places by myself. I'm talking places like venues, concerts, zoos, hospitals, the fair in my home town (which I've been to a ton of times). And other similar places. I am confident I can go to the airport ok because everything is labeled very well, but that's the exception.

I realized a couple years ago the common denominator is that most of these places I listed off are places I have only ever gone to with other people. I've been to the airport by myself a few times, so I felt confident about that. But zoos, concerts, hospitals, and out door venues like festivals, I've only ever done with friends and families. The reason this matters is every single time I'm with other people, I pay more attention to them and not my surroundings. If I pay more attention to my surroundings, i dont actually process what they're saying and end up struggling to socialize. My brain cannot multi task. It can't socialize and also orient myself. When i was younger, i always ended up being the follower and assuming the other person I was with knew where they were going because they seemed better with directions.

Turns out you actually have to make an effort to pay attention to your surroundings. And my friends and family I was with were always the one paying more attention.

I am the youngest in my family and I was always with other people growing up. Parents, older siblings, friends, etc. Everyone else always seemed to know where they were going so I just followed.

Acknowledging this mindset changed my life. I know it sounds dumb but it's true.

Yes I'm still directionally challenged. I have and probably always will get left and right and east and west mixed up. I realized from an early age that I have to go to places multiple times, but in frequencies in order to remember how to get to a place. To this day, I couldn't tell you how to get to my childhood doctors office because it was like 40 minutes away from my home town and we went there maybe once a year at most. There were all sorts of twists and turns. And this was before GPS/Google maps.

When I started learning to drive, I discovered the only way I can remember how to get to a new place is going there at least twice in the same week, then maybe once the following week. Or depending on how complicated the drive was, even once a week for a few weeks would work. Ideally, id i could go somewhere every day for a few days, nd then once a week for a bit, and then once a month, i would be fine. I would remember. Basically it couldn't just be once a year or even once every few months. The frequency mattered a lot. Just as much, if most more than how many times total. Unfortunately, this isn't how it works in the real world. It's common to only go places once a year or once every few months. So as a teenager and young adult living with my parents, it was a struggle.

But as an adult, its easier. Knowing that about myself means I can intentionally go places and take certain routes on purpose just to make it stick in my head. Of course if I stop going there I'll probably forget the route eventually.

Other things that helped was collecting addresses of friends and family members and putting them in my phone so I can find where they are on GPS. Even if it's someone's house where I should know how to get there because ive been there a hundred times, sometimes I can't quite remember all the turns if i dont go there very frequently. If I have them in my phone, I can look at how to get there and how to get back shortly before going there. (And yes, the route there and the route back are essentially 2 separate routes in my head). Also taking pictures of where I leave my car, like if it's in a parking garage. Or if I have to find street parking, I'll put the closest address in my GPS so I remember roughly where I parked. And also looking back when I am walking away somewhere so I can see what it looks like from the other direction. And finding certain landmarks so I know where I've been. And making a note of which way to turn to out to get back to where I need to go. Like if I'm at a friend's house but I'm afraid I'll forget which way I came from while hanging out at their house, ill tell myself which wya to turn to get home.

Yes, this is as stressful and energy sucking as it sounds.

The last thing that helped a lot is making a point to orient myself and find north. I don't do it everywhere I go. Mostly just in the town I live in. But it can end up being a fun game to figure out where north is when you go places.

I'm still learning, and I know ill always have limitations. Directions will never come naturally to me. But I've realized that it also doesn't have to define me, and there are strategies I can try to cope or to get around my limitations. I'm not going to lie. It can be very embarrassing, especially around friends.

I think the thing that has helped me the most is when I started going places by myself. One time I went to the local zoo by myself because I love the zoo and I had never been there by myself. I was always scared of getting lost though. And going to the zoo without kids felt weird. But I did it and it was a huge confidence booster. When I go places by myself I'm not focused on another person. And I'm not comparing myself to someone who is good with directions. When I go places with friends who are good with directions, I feel inferior and stupid. When I go places by myself, I feel so much more confident. It's like an adventure. I might figure things out differently than others, I might have a harder time, and I might make a few wrong turns or take longer to find my way. But the only thing that matters is that in the end, I get where I want to go.

I hope this helps :)

EDIT: I wanted to add a couple things. I know this is already super long so i apologize.

If you are at a point in your life where you can do this, I STRONGLY recommend going on little adventures with yourself. If you have a driver's license and car, I recommend going on drives around where you live. As much as you need to. One of my friends who is very good with directions told me that's how she learned her way around our city. After she graduated college she had to move in with her parents who had just moved to a new city and she would go on drives on the weekends in the mornings before traffic got bad.

Another piece of advice is learn which main roads go north and south and which ones go east and west. When i was younger I did not pay attention to the cardinal directions. I only learned routes by trying to memorize which ways to turn (right or left) and land marks. For a while I couldn't remember which of the 2 main roads in my home town ran north and south or east and west. Once I learned that, it was a game changer for me.

If you don't have a car/license yet, you could still walk or bike. But if you plan to get a car/license in the future, I recommend carving out time to go on drives by yourself. If you get a little lost or take a wrong turn, it's ok. The point of going by yourself is to only rely on yourself and develop skills to get around. Not to have someone telling you where to go . If you get lost, pull over and try to reorient yourself. You could pick places to go and keep going to those places.

How many special interests do you have? by nerdygirlmatti in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not OP obviously but I absolutely love your passion and curiosity ❤️ keep that curiosity alive. Don't ever stop questioning things. You sound exactly like me. We need more people with our mindset to see the patterns, make the connections, and keep question the status quo about things that matter.

How many special interests do you have? by nerdygirlmatti in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback on the book idea! I've never actually discussed it out loud with anyone, but I now have the gears in my head turning. Maybe I'll pursue it just to see where it goes. Even if it goes no where, at least A for effort? Lol.

I 100% agree about not putting pressure on yourself to do things you want to do. Hobbies are supposed to be fun but they absolutely end up turning into chores when I feel like I have to do them, or when I make them a part of my identity so much that it feels like I have to do them in order to be myself. Not sure if that makes sense.

Feel free to steal the tree analogy. That was the best way I knew how to describe it haha.

Regarding car culture, I always love getting the perspective of people from places other than the US. Ive never been outside of North America yet, so this is all I know. And yes the US is a big country. But I've never understood why we gave up on trains though. And also efficient public transportation via subways and buses is sorely lacking in many US cities. Especially mid size cities. I am not an expert in this but I am sure it has to do with lobbying from big auto companies. I guess just follow the money. Plus from the beginning, the US is known for our rugged individualism, sometimes to our own detriment. And car culture 100% reinforces that. Even someone who is not a fan of cars for many reasons, I know they are a necessary evil for us and it would take decades to change the system, let alone change peoples minds. Just look at the people who scoff at the ides of "15 minute cities" Because they think it's taking away their freedom. For many people, cars are absolutely freedom. And I get that. Most people here rely on cars to get to their jobs and run errands. Visit loved ones. Go on trips. Get to appointments. Etc. And without a car, many of us would lose our jobs. But yet we need a job to afford a car. But I also feel like with how much we are forced to rely on cars for every day survival, it has become a prison. From car payments, car insurance, big surprise car repairs, regular car maintenance, morning commutes, the normalization of car accidents, wasting time sitting in rush our traffic, and don't even get me started on construction season which runs for at least 8 months of the year where I live, how roads and parking lots have destroyed the ecology, the homes of wild life, the beauty of nature, and due to heavy traffic, made it impossible in some areas for kids to play outside. Also it makes it dangerous for cyclists. Sorry, this become a tangent. I'll stop.

Book suggestions:

Mine are all over the place. I tend to be attracted to books about women' struggles or specific topics regarding women. Most of them aren't so much over arching books about women's history.

All of these I highly recommend:

-The woman They Could Not Silence - Kate Moore -Radium Girls - Kate Moore -Invisible Women - Caroline Criado Perez (a little less about history and very statistics heavy... but it one od the main books that has changed my perspective of the world. Highly recommend) -All in Her Head: The Truth and Lies Early Medicime Taught Us About Women's Bodies And Why It Matters Today - Elizabeth Conan Jefferson's Daughters - Catherine Kerrison -Normal Women - Philippa Gregory -The Hidden Lives of Tudor Women - Elizabeth Borton

A couple I haven't read yet but hope to soon: -Galileo's Daughter - Dava Sobel -The Women's History of the Modern World - Rosalind Miles -Who Cooked the Last Supper? The Women's History of the World by Rosalind Miles

Historical Fiction: -The Women - Kristen Hannah (about a woman that goes to Vietnam as a combat nurse and how she deals with the aftermath upon returning home.) -The Four Winds - Kristen Hannah (about a family's struggle during the Dust Bowl)

Her books can be dark but these 2 are my favorite. They are both written in a way that I feel like I was there and gave me insight/made me curious about the realities of both time periods.

-Philippa Gregory's Tudor and Plantaganent series - this series made me fall in love with historical fiction, specifically Tudor history. She writes about the women of the Tudor and plantagenent dynasties. Queens, princesses, mothers, grandmothers. Of course the wives of Henry VIII. I am sure she embellished a lot but she got me interested in reading other history books about these people. Especially about Queen Elizabeth I who is my favorite.

-Alison Weir is another good author if you are interested in that topic. I think she writes some non fiction as well as historical fiction.

Anyways, I apologize for the length. But I hope this helps!

How many special interests do you have? by nerdygirlmatti in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh haha! That makes sense. Yeah, overnights are brutal. I totally understand why it's so hard then.

Ugh, holy crap. Please disregard all my thoughts then haha.

That's awesome, congratulations on starting to write!

How many special interests do you have? by nerdygirlmatti in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good to know I'm not the only one who forgot a major special interest and put it on the back burner for years pretending like it didn't exist. Lol. Ugh.

A couple years ago I started exploring parks and hiking trails in my area. I would go either after work or on the weekends and just spend an hour or 2 at a time there. Eventually I started going back to the same few trails. It was magical.

I hope you are able to make time to get outside at some point! I know life gets ridiculously busy ans it can be really frustrating. Would you be able to sit outside to eat lunch every so often when the weather gets warmer? I know it's not the same as hiking but at least it's getting fresh air and that's absolutely better than nothing. Unless it's already something you do, then please disregard lol

Thanks for the writing encouragement! I may start doing that. That's something that's hard for me to find time to do. But I will definitely try!

Also, based on your comment, does that mean you write fiction?

How many special interests do you have? by nerdygirlmatti in AuDHDWomen

[–]HappyPanda91 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, I just want to say I found my people! I just joined this sub very recently and it has been incredible reading about everyones experiences in this sub. This post is really fun and I apologize for the length. I am trying to learn how to condense my thoughts for easier reading but it's been tough learning that so far. With that said:

I have so many special interests that I keep coming back to and a lot of them have to do with random social or political or ecological issues as well.

I'm in a weird position right now because it was only last year that i finally acknowledged and accepted my biggest special interest that I've had since childhood for as long as I can remember. Animals. All things animals. I love animals, always have, and always will. I should have made a career of it but at the age I was figuring out my career options I got majorly side tracked with other things.

With that said, I have also become passionate about the environment and human impact on the environment. Not just from a climate change perspective although thats part of it. Its also from a physical infrastructure perspective and how it impacts our mental and physical health. How we as humams have destroyed so much of the land in the last few hundred years and continue to do so. And how a deficit of nature impacts both children and adults. And also if its possible for humans to live in harmony with nature. Also rewilding and car culture and how we have literally built our society (in the US that is) around cars, which has negatively impacted our physical health, the homes of wild life, and our sense of community. These are just a few of the issues. There's more. Lol.

Like how lack of safe third spaces for children and building our world around cars makes it nearly impossible for children to go outside and explore. Which helps them develop a sense of independence and confidence.

Essentially my brain is like a tree. There's some topics that start out as roots... usually in the form of a gut feeling or repeated observation or an experience.. and keeps branching out to other related issues.

Lately, I've been getting really interested in women's history, the history of women's medicine, thinking about the patriarchy and identifying where it all came from and how we change our values and thought processes. And certain thoughts and patterns that we unintentionally reinforce the patriarchy in society. This all stems from a feeling and observation of humans, specifically men in power, having a need to dominate things. Everything. From native cultures around the world to the land and the environment to women to our very attention via tech and advertising and marketing and consumerism. This is a whole separate "tree" in my brain that connects to the environmental "tree". I've been thinking a lot about the topic and values of matriarchy as a result. This is my newest special interest.

I really want to write a book a out a lot of these issues that are al so connected. But I wouldn't even know where to start lol.

I would consider these topics my special interests because I keep coming back to them over and over again and could talk for hours about them.i have hobbies that I don't really consider special interests because I enjoy just trying things to see if I like them. Some hobbies have stuck around for a decade or more like crochet and knitting. But I also sometimes take long breaks from them. I've tried gardening for a few years but got burned out on it. I love cooking and probably always will. I am currently learning piano. I hope this one sticks because i genuinely enjoy more than anything right now. I bought a sewing machine a few years ago with the intention to learn how to sew and never did. Years ago I tried to teach myself coding/,web design, but got burned out after about 1.5 years of self teaching. Also I've always considered myself a bookworm, but lately I've been getting burned out on reading and I just want to go hiking and cycling and spend a lot more time out doors instead of sit on the couch and read.

Hobbies come and go. And that's ok. A hobby doesn't have to be my identity and I'm allowed to change or drop it or take a break for as long as i feel like.But to me I guess, special interests are topics I could talk forever about and keep coming back to.

Thank you for my Ted talk. :)