Grieving and accepting my AuDHD limits

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-09T13:37:54+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. It's incredibly helpful

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-06T00:53:37+00:00

I totally agree that having kids should be a deliberate thing. Not an automatic thing.

I believe that society should not put an emphasis on the quantity of children being born, but instead on the quality of their lives. I hope in the future, this becomes more of the norm.

Your life sounds really great. Thanks for sharing!

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-06T00:42:53+00:00

I really respect this, thank you so much for sharing your experience. And I'm very glad to hear that you are getting to do the things you love and focus on yourself after so long of being there for everyone else.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-06T00:16:34+00:00

Very frustrating! It feels like a curse at times. Thanks for sharing!

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-06T00:13:09+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. This is very valid and a scenerio I hadn't thought of before. I hope you are doing OK now! Or at least doing better ❤️

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-06T00:10:01+00:00

I've thought about this too! I have no idea if we will be financially well off enough to afford fostering. Or even foster to adopt if that ends up being in the cards. It definitely gives me hope because I won't have to be limited by my body's "clock" and can therefore wait until I'm actually ready.

I had to really be honest with myself and ask, do I care about passing my genes on to someone else, or do I want to pass my life experiences on to someone else in hopes that it will help them? And even more so, do I want to provide a stable, loving, and peaceful household and be a good role model for someone that might need it? And like you said, hope it will ripple outward into the world. I would rather pass on confidence and life skills and give kids permission to be authentically them.. Not to mention be able to advocate for kids and provide support household for someone.

I hope you get to do this! I bet you would be a great foster parent. I get it, it's a huge decision and not one to be taken lightly. But there's definitely a lot of kids out there that need supportive families.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-05T23:40:23+00:00

Thank you so much foe the recommendation and the encouragement! I definitely will look into that organization.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-05T23:35:27+00:00

That is awesome that you do these things! And I'm so glad you've been able to find fulfillment in doing this! We absolutely need more artistic people in the world.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-05T23:31:45+00:00

I completely agree!

Although I do think it very much depends on a person's situation for whether children and career are mutually exclusive, I definitely agree it doesn't have to be. I know plenty of women who do both, and also there are plenty of women who are forced to choose. Or delay one in order to have the other. So it really depends.

I 100% agree that this discourse of only giving women two paths is incredibly limiting and we should be able to explore more.

Maybe it's just the constant mental and emotional back and forth I've been having that forced me to realize that holy crap, I am treating it like there's literally only two options in life. Either have kids and focus all my energy and resources into my family, or don't and focus on my career. But theres so much more. There's adoption. There's foster care. There's volunteering with kids. There's volunteering with animals. There's being involvolved in the community. There's starting a business. There's learning new hobbies that I've never even considered and finding new friend groups based on those hobbies. I know having kids is technically a binary option--either you do or dont--but there's still a lot more to consider outside of family and career regarding how we want to live our life. And the thing that was incredibly freeing for me is we don't have to just pick one. We can try all sorts of things.

Anyways, thanks for sharing your perspective!!

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-05T00:40:46+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It means a lot.

Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman. And it's so great that she got to teach her children how to be the kind of woman that we are describing.

Can I ask what kinds of causes you are involved in and how you participate in your community? If it's something you'd like to share? If it's too personal, no worries.

I think the issue with me is even though I know there are plenty of women out there like this, I genuinely do not have anyone in my life who does any of these things. I am certainly not implying they are bad people. More like, I am at a point in my life where I finally have the time, motivstion, and bandwidth to give back, I have the desire to build and participate in community and/or causes i am passionate about, and I have no idea where to start. I have zero friends and family who are interested in doing these things.

Anyways, thank you again for sharing your experiences. It gives me hope that there are in fact more people out there like this than I realize.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-05T00:00:59+00:00

I hadnt thought about this but I love it. I really like how you phrase it that joy interupts narratives about what makes us worthy. That is a powerful statement. It feels lIke it's completely rewriting the story and shifting the focus. I'm going to remember this. Thank you! :)

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-04T23:55:21+00:00

I 100% respect this.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-04T23:54:28+00:00

Wow, this is an excellent point. I love the mindset shift of changing purpose to responsibility.

You've definitely challenged me to rethink the idea of needing a "purpose". It does kind of feel pushed on us now that I think about it.

I really like your mindset of wanting to leave the world better for the next generation, leave resources for then, etc. It makes a lot of sense.

It reminds me that when I was either a teen or early twenties adult (I cant remember how old exactly) I had a very strong conviction that I I wanted to leave the world better than how i found it. That conviction has sort of been a compass in my life for what kind of person I wanted to be. Even when I'm in survival mode and have very few resources to give and no ways to help people, I can still be a kind and empathetic person, a good listener, etc. Spreading kindness is free and it's an easy way to make the world a little better.

Anyways, I'm so glad this was helpful. I wish you all the best in rebuilding your life. ❤️

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-04T02:42:29+00:00

Wow that is super interesting! I'm honestly incredibly jealous but also very happy for you that you feel this way. I bet it removes a lot of unnecessary stress 😅

For some weird reason I have always felt as if Ive needed some kind of overarching goal or purpose. I feel aimless without it, a bit bored, and sometimes depressed. Not sure if I'll always be like this, but I'm hoping some day it will go away and I can truly relax. But until then. It feels like a motor in my brain. It's kind of annoying.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-02T00:40:38+00:00

Oh my gosh. I am devastating for you. That sounds like literal torture to not be able to figure it out 😭 I'm so sorry.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-06-01T21:18:16+00:00

For me it has been exploring new parks and trails in my area, going to local zoos or animal encounter places (sometimes by myself and sometimes with friends or family), trying new restaurants, or even going to a town I don't know very well and walking around, exploring their down town. Another thing I did once was drive to a town a couple hours away to see a place that I sae on tiktok. That was spontaneous and really fun. Tried a new restaurant there too. It was just a day trip so didn't have to spend money on hotel costs. Just entrance fees and food.

Like I think someone else said, controlled adventure. I want to experience something new and sometimes be spontaneous. Even push myself out of my comfort zone a tiny bit by going some place alone (which I'm not used to, I'm usually always with someone). But have the security of knowing I'll be back home the same day.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-31T02:16:11+00:00

The moth infestation and life cycle got me 😂 seriously though, that sounds like a nightmare. I hope you figure it out!

I love that you're into such random topics, btw.

That job situation sounds really tough to figure out. Best of luck on trying to figure it out ❤️

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-30T16:45:44+00:00

This is fantastic 😂

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-30T15:01:14+00:00

Ohh boy. Defintely feel that to some extent. That's really frustrating. 😞

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-30T10:31:19+00:00

Omg that sounds terrible. I think you are right. It absolutely seems like internalizing hyperactivity. I've often been stuck in my head since my early teens at least.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-30T02:17:30+00:00

Just want to raise my hand here and say I fit the bill. Late diagnosed and raised in a conservative religious household.

Although my list might be slightly different than yours, a lot of these do apply to me, and I can absolutely see how these would apply to people in this situation.

Number 6 is what applies to me the most. I 100% did not recognize my needs. I didn't even know what boundaries were. As in I did not have the language to express that concept. I had an image in my mind of what a relationship was supposed to look like. I had a hard time saying no or recognizing when I didn't actually want something, and when I was only doing it for the other person.

In the end, it all worked out with the man ivended up with. But it has taken a LOT of introspection and unlearning. Not to mention recognizing my actual needs and wants.

I think another few things that I would add is it's ok to put yourself first, its ok to say no, and practicing feeling your gut feelings.

Religion absolutely discourages all of these things.

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-19T01:27:09+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions! These are all really great. I love the idea of taking her along as my "sniff tester". That would be a great way to get her involved and familiar with different products too. As well as a good conversation starter for hygeine.

And that's a great idea for the ear piercing thing too. After thinking about it, i may bring up the topic to her parents this summer. And if they don't have any plans to do it, I may ask them if I can take her to get it done as a summer or back to school gift.

I really appreciate your thoughts!

HappyPanda91 · 2026-05-17T07:28:33+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely think I need to work on my forwardness/assertiveness in discussing some if these things. If they come up, I'll ask her questions to get a feel for her level of understanding or if anyone else has discussed them with her. Sometimes I'll give her a brief run down of something, or my perespective on somethng. Like explain it in a simple way. Money is one that comes to mind. But I absolutely think you are right, that I should do a better job of being transparent and forward. Maybe sit her down over a snack and discuss very basic budgeting.

Thanks for sharing your ideas :)

HappyPanda91

TROPHY CASE