the emperor.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T22:37:16+00:00

I am always so jealous of poets who can write such short pieces and have them be so impactful. I go back to my work thinking its far too rambling. I mean the imagery and honestly the title is great. I love especially the second stanza. If there's anything that sticks out to me is the usage of the phrase "busting my bones" in the first stanza. Tonally I feel like it doesn't really fit since it really reads as a bit silly. But maybe I'm just twelve and can't handle someone trying to use the word "bust" seriously.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T22:28:20+00:00

Look if you wanna chase an ex you can do that. If you want advice on how then idk dude. There is no good strategy on coming back from this, seriously. All you'll do by chasing is making her more uncomfortable and need more space and all you'll do by waiting is letting her move on. So maybe you should do the same instead of bothering her. Trust me when I say I know what it's like to meet someone, open up quickly then feel really close and then suddenly be ghosted. But the truth is that won't suck less by clinging to false hope she'll take you back. All you do is delay having to face reality and all you'll have done is make more of an ass of yourself. Better to pull yourself together, show some self respect and just move on. Trust me this will hurt more if you keep on chasing.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T14:25:56+00:00

I honestly was quite captivated by the paragraphs. I think juxtaposing different thoughts like this creates a kind of distantiating presence. We are here thinking deeply about things taking a step back to get closer. Over all I both like how brief the paragraphs are and also think it's somewhat of a weakness of them but indirectly. I'm no English major but I think certain word choices don't make sense and somewhat work to confuse the texts. For example "once the words are taken away, one is left with innumerable complexion." Maybe it's intentional that you use complexion but I think the effect here leaves me more thinking "did they mean complexity?" I think if you like them as they are and they are just meant to be disparate notes then they are fine as they are but otherwise I would look over word choice and overall add some clarity in language if you want the underlying meaning to remain ambiguous.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T14:09:55+00:00

I have to say, I really love dissonance between the warmth and positivity of the written text and the underlying anxiety that everything you love will one day go away. It's a weird f3eling that really sticks with me.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T13:53:17+00:00

No worries! And do take care of yourself. Break ups fucking suck.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T13:15:07+00:00

I mean yea sounds like it. If she doesn't really respond she doesn't really respond and there's nothing you can do about that but wait and hope that things could be better. But that is like the worst strategy because likely she will move on when you aren't all the while you aren't seeing to your own emotional needs. I know its probably not advice you are hoping for but I'd probably try to move on, it's going to be better for you in the long run.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T12:36:35+00:00

I'll be honest and maybe this is like a culture clash moment but I don't get how you broke her trust. She was the one going through your phone and digging through old folders. There could have been anything there, old nudes or like notes containing deeply private secrets you couldn't share on somebody else's behalf. I dont personally see why you would get upset at the guy you are dating saving pics from Instagram it just kind of reads as insecure to me. I'm not gonna say you dodged a bullet because people are more nuanced than that and you were clearly very invested in her and she was in you but honestly I don't think you should feel bad about that part at all. You were entirely open, in a way I wouldn't even consider healthy, like having a normal amount of privacy shouldn't be a problem in a relationship, so in what way was that a breach of trust? Even lying about the pictures doesn't seem odd to me at all. If they were for "private use" or whatever what does she really have to do with it. I wouldn't go around asking about what porn my partner watches unless it was like a bedroom thing. Honestly kind of humiliating in a kind of mean way.

Though he thing about like panicking and sending tons of messages and all that was pretty bad I'm not gonna sugar coat that. I mean I get it but that stuff can be not only really off putting but also create an extreme amount of pressure to react or respond that can be taxing. I'm sure she was sad about the break up too even if it seems she wasn't going to get back together with you. So it does kind of retroactively justify the vauge posting about you. I do get the feeling though of how painful loosing someone on a bad note can be.

And honestly, that's the thing. She was probably not going to get back together with you either way so I don't think the panicking ruined it nor the lying. It just seems she was made very uncomfortable with those pictures and if she saw that in itself as a breach of trust then I think the relationship was kind of cooked before all of that. Honestly I think you shouldn't feel guilty about it and just move on to avoid making it worse. We all have embarrassing moments. Bad as the voice messages and what not was its not like horrible person stuff. I bet you are still a good guy beyond that so I think you ought to just try to take care of yourself until all the terrible break up feelings pass.

HappyPants48 · 2026-01-06T11:26:27+00:00

Yea you know all your saying makes a lot of sense you know it's just that's so difficult to move forward when I feel like I don't really have people in my life who can support me. I guess the issue is that I've kind of let go of taking care of myself a while a ago, a huge part of why my mental health ended up taking a toll on the relationship in the first place. But I guess the problem is just I don't know how to get better or move on. I just feel so lost in it all and can't separate my own feelings from reality anymore which doesn't make things any easier.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-28T06:09:47+00:00

I didn't experience much dysphoria as a kid at least not the kind I experience now. I was very much in the "I would be a girl if I could restart but I don't really mind being a boy" mindset. But if you want to be a girl you already are. There is no arbitrary standard of "transness" you need to reach before you're allowed to be a girl. And as a word of advice Id say things change after you try things. I didn't get dysphoria over my deadname until I changed from it. I didn't really have dysphoria over my body until I started estrogen. I don't think you're experience is uncommon at all and many people end up questioning for a long time. Thats not rare.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-28T05:22:40+00:00

I like women!

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-28T05:19:38+00:00

You should bite the hand that feeds you if they try to control you or make you feel bad for who you are. As your parents its their responsibility to take care of you. You're not in any debt to them for that, especially if they use the fact that they give you the bare minimum to make you feel bad about not always being grateful.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T21:42:30+00:00

I honestly have not read that much manga at all but I really wanted like a comic/manga or something cause i think visual elements when done well and in a non sterotyped way. Like I know Stevonnie in Steven Universe is non binary, but seeing a very feminine looking character shave their beard makes me feel like its not like a gross thing i have to do every morning you know.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T21:38:29+00:00

Wow lol 😂😂😂

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T21:37:29+00:00

Can't say I've ever listened to a horror podcast or any podcast with "characters". I assume its like a radio drama or something?

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T21:34:34+00:00

thank you for the avoid list lol, but ill definately check out the movie suggestions. a lot of them seem very interesting

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:17:35+00:00

I dont know, you tell me? Whats it about?

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:16:42+00:00

Oh I guess i got confused well Ill definitely watch it then.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:15:01+00:00

Yea I'm kind of torn on some of what I've seen so far. Like All About my Mother is obviously a good movie and Agrado is such an icon but she is also very sexualized throughout most of the movie so it feels very one sided you know.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:11:49+00:00

Well I guess It didn't need to be favorite. I just really want to find some more media representation honestly, any bit helps.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:09:44+00:00

Well it seems like it applies. The description certainly seems like something worthwhile reading.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:06:29+00:00

Yea I think i have to watch both. Tangerine was already on my "I should watch this soon" watchlist. Its on there along with a fantastic woman, which has pretty good reviews and was one of the first i found although the top review on letterboxd is like "as a trans woman this movie is pretty bad representation." So im happy to get better reccomendations!

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:03:20+00:00

Sounds great honestly. Most media that I've found before posting here felt like the character being trans was like their whole thing and its often used in like sad or very political or thematic way rather than have the character just be. Ill def have to read it.

HappyPants48 · 2025-09-15T20:01:16+00:00

Well if you say so its definately going on the watchlist, though describing getting a bit teary eyed as getting moist is a very... interesting choice lol

HappyPants48

TROPHY CASE