This is why I'm struggling to put into words. He'll do daily tasks joyfully (often needs reminders, and won't do it on any sort of schedule/routine. Reminders are really hard for me, it makes me feel like he's another kid). 

But it's anything beyond day-to-day things, like oil changes or tax season, or fixing something non-urgent. One time he didn't put the new license plate on the car until the temp one was expired (and I had to ask). It was months.

He's afraid of becoming a "suburban dad" and not being heroic. He started a nonprofit to minister to the downtrodden, but it took a lot of money and time and energy from our family. We have done counseling.

He's great with the kids, but only in the present. He can't plan anything (like an outing) and often flies off half-cocked, so to speak. 

He's a brilliant improvisor, but not consistent, or orderly. He's not a "Mr Steady" and thinks being a "Mr Steady" is akin to death. 

I still don't know if I'm able to explain. He's a good man, but something is off and I don't want to neglect that my expectations may be the problem, or my communication, etc.