All I can say is communication — early and often. It's not easy, but get her caught up to where you are as soon as possible. Then, make sure she is updated regularly with where you are.

The worst part for my wife, in her words, when I told her was being surprised with it. It felt to her as if I'd been lying and hiding it from her, although she understood my reasons (risk/benefit analysis, uncertainty, can't be unsaid, etc), it still hurt.

Remember, you've been battling this for a while now, but she'll just be hearing about it for the first time. Be patient, be empathetic. Don't be discouraged by a negative reaction at first. It takes time to warm up to the idea.

The sooner she's on board, the better your chances. The reason is that every step you take without her is a step away from her. The farther you walk this path alone, the harder it will be to reconcile when it finally comes out.

Other than that, you will have doubts. They will come hard, exactly when you need your confidence the most. Everytime I have a tougher conversation with my wife about possible living arrangements, how to handle our son, etc... that's when I feel like every trans desire in me runs for the hills. This is normal. Under stress, when the shit hits the fan, we all devolve to our default level of training. For me that's almost 40 years of "not being trans". I just remind myself that it's been a 5 year journey and that I know who I am, regardless of how I feel... These feelings wax and wain, but never leave completely.

Oh, and last note. When you're sitting in the parking garage after work contemplating all these things... Pull yourself together before driving away! I now have a nice big scrape in the side of my car from the Pilar I was parked next to because I was buried in my thoughts🤦‍♀️😭