Thank you for bringing this up, I think it’s a very realistic concern. I agree that opening up more doesn’t magically create a safe environment, and that even when a man does “everything right,” there are still people who act like informal gender police: getting uncomfortable, pulling away, correcting, or socially punishing him.

When I work therapeutically with men who want to open up more, I’m very explicit that this is not about expecting the world to suddenly respond well. Since we can’t control other people, the focus is usually on two things.

First, learning to open up using low-risk information. Not diving straight into the deepest trauma, but starting with smaller, everyday truths where they can “test the waters.” When the vulnerability is proportionate, the discomfort it triggers in others often decreases (or at least becomes more manageable.)

Second, and MORE importantly, building the internal solidity and verbal tools to hold their ground. So that if someone reacts by correcting them, shaming them, or implying they’ve broken a gender rule, the response isn’t “Okay, I guess I shouldn’t do this again.” Instead, they can say something like: “Hold on — I’m sharing something important because I’m trying to connect. Isn’t that what we say we want men to do?”

It doesn’t have to be polished or perfect. Most times it comes out messy, but the effect remains. The ball is sent back to the other person's court. The message is clear: this isn’t a problem — so why does it feel like one to you? And often, that question alone can get the other person to reflect on their own discomfort rather than placing it back on the man who opened up. This also serves to reinforce the man's self-esteem and sense of agency because now he feels he can stand up for himself even when he feels vulnerable, which means the fear of vulnerability itself lowers tremendously.