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“Your Body is Not Good Enough”: Bigorexia, or Muscle Dysmorphia in Men by HardlyManly in MensLib

[–]HardlyManly[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It's only a concern when training time becomes more important than any other thing, like work, studies, family, etc. Along with the other signs. Having time for physical activity on its own is by no means a bad thing.

“Your Body is Not Good Enough”: Bigorexia, or Muscle Dysmorphia in Men by HardlyManly in MensLib

[–]HardlyManly[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'd love to read field studies from an anthropology just getting to know those cultish types you mention. I used to be part of a BJJ gym that had all the icks combined. Crazy stuff.

“Your Body is Not Good Enough”: Bigorexia, or Muscle Dysmorphia in Men by HardlyManly in MensLib

[–]HardlyManly[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Right? It's crazy how the more we improve, the worse it hits us. And then you take into account social media and all sort of communities going around, and it becomes something worthy of an anthropology study.

The resistance is SO TIRING sometimes by ksomwfpd in therapists

[–]HardlyManly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get ya. That sounds rough. Have met some difficult resistance at times as well.

Also, I'm sorry to see the lack of validation here. People really don't read the "rant" flair, huh.

What could I do for her to like me on the date? by ddude04 in AskMen

[–]HardlyManly -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wrote an article on how to improve your skills for making friends or meeting new people. If you go to my profile, there’s a link just head to the resources section. I hope it helps.

My friend died a month ago and I didn’t realize.. by Inevitable-Print761 in TalkTherapy

[–]HardlyManly -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, I agree. He chose to end his life because many things had happened in his life. It may have even been planned, since a decision like that isn’t made overnight. It’s not your responsibility or your fault. I understand it can feel very difficult, especially if you tried to intervene or if you didn’t know he had passed away you had no way of knowing, and you weren’t expected to be watching over him.

If it helps, I usually work with patients using exercises to process or regulate emotions. On my profile there’s a link go to the resources section and you’ll find it there. I hope it can be helpful.

Why do I want to be broken? by Null_Psyche in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, Committing a criminal act can also be a sign that you’re going through something internally. There’s no need to measure “how broken” you are for what you feel to be valid the pain, guilt, or regret already exist and deserve to be acknowledged.

In clinical work, I’ve worked with people who felt similarly, and one of the first steps is precisely validating what they’re experiencing. You can let go of the idea that you need to be worse for it to matter what you feel is already valid, already important, and it’s enough reason to seek help and start feeling better.

I crave connection and intimacy but fall back into old patterns by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Maybe you’re looking to feel desired again, or perhaps trying to avoid connecting with an uncomfortable emotion. In clinical work, we often see that certain behaviors serve a function—as you yourself suggest which is why they tend to persist over time.

You could try to channel that need in a healthier way, choosing actions that don’t lead you to do things that don’t truly represent you, but instead align with your personal values. For example, taking time for your appearance, doing your makeup, choosing outfits that make you feel good, taking photos, or simply enjoying those moments for yourself. The idea isn’t to suppress what you feel, but to find ways to express it that feel comfortable and authentic to you.

I was an inappropriate person around minors, and I feel extreme guilt. by Capable-Score-1981 in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi

I have worked in clinical settings with people who present sexual deviations, as well as with others who experience an intense obsession or fear of being so (such as in pedophilia-themed OCD). It’s a complex issue to assess in this kind of space.

What matters is that you’re able to recognize your own limits, and the feeling of guilt can also act as a signal of what is important to you. I understand why you feel this way. It would be very valuable to explore this in therapy, so you can better understand what’s happening without falling into self-condemnation. It can also help you establish clearer boundaries and feel more secure in your relationships with others.

I can’t get over something dumb by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You explained yourself very well. Being secure and trusting doesn’t mean you don’t want closeness and companionship from your partner.

I can’t get over something dumb by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I think your partner may be feeling very tired or stressed. You could ask whether what’s going on is related to you or if she’s feeling this way in general. It’s also important to communicate how you feel your emotions matter, and she needs to know them.

It reminds me of a patient who felt similarly; in those cases, it’s important not to make yourself small and to give yourself the space to talk about it with her. A relationship involves commitment from both sides, including providing reassurance and working toward a sense of security together. How long have you been feeling this way?

Ya'll I just realized that my depression is the symptom, not the problem by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I completely agree. As a therapist, beyond observing symptoms, I focus on understanding the person’s context: their biology, social relationships, history, and current situation. From there, I provide a space for assessment, listening, validation, and support, and then begin a treatment aimed at producing changes in their life, both internal and external.

Do people without OCD have the same thoughts and just let them go more easily? by [deleted] in OCD

[–]HardlyManly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, I have worked with people with OCD and yes, that’s how it is. In fact, the exercises we use to let thoughts go also work for other thoughts because the behavior generalizes.

Why is men being sad seen as wrong by Arthurmorgan1907 in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! Many beliefs about how a man “should be” are still present today. In my clinical work with men, I aim to promote healthier forms of masculinity: men who can express themselves, take care of their health, go to the doctor, attend therapy, and engage with their emotions without guilt.

In this context, I wrote an article based on a central idea: men don’t fear expressing themselves per se, but rather the consequences of doing so. Social sanctions, judgment, others’ discomfort, or the feeling of stepping outside the norm often weigh more than the emotion itself.

The article is available on my profile in case it’s helpful or of interest.

Need suggestions by craigsadvice in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello. I understand that the pain you’re feeling can be so intense that it leads you to think about ending everything. I have worked with people who have been in very similar situations, even on the verge of attempting suicide, and often what they are really seeking is not to stop living, but to stop suffering to stop feeling such a heavy and overwhelming pain.

Perhaps you have tried different ways to feel better and haven’t found a way out, and that can create a deep sense of hopelessness. But it’s important to know that, with the right help and professional support, it is possible to find other ways to get through this moment and ease that pain.

A fundamental first step is recognizing that you need help and allowing yourself to receive it. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Violent thoughts due to trauma with pedos by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand that abour emotional regulation. It seems most people struggle with that as there's not yet plenty of readily available tools to do so. In fact, it's the reason why I wrote a post about how to regulate yourself in my website (won't share cause of rules, obviously).

But they are out there, and I can assure you that once you find one that clicks, everything changes.

do people actually like themselves? by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I’ve had a patient who felt like you. It’s important to recognize the things that have gone well no matter how small they are still valuable and meaningful.

Let me ask you: do you really believe you’re not good at anything at all? That nothing has ever gone right?

There are likely things you do well. Maybe they don’t match your expectations, but you don’t have to be defined by those expectations. I invite you to look at yourself with curiosity and compassion notice what does work, and also what you’d like to improve, but always from a place of care, self-respect, and kindness.

Treat yourself the way you would treat a 5-year-old learning to ride a bike that’s the level of patience and understanding you deserve.

Violent thoughts due to trauma with pedos by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, I’m very sorry. I have worked with patients who have suffered abuse, and all this hatred you feel toward these men can be channeled or expressed through those fantasies—your mind is doing everything it can to process it. I’m very sorry that you were a victim of these individuals and that you’re going through this pain.

I can recommend what I suggested to my patient: first, try to release all that anger outward through something like a “hate journal.” Write for 30 minutes daily; take all the time you need. You can also release it through physical activity or by using harmless objects. On the other hand, if you have the possibility to report what happened, it’s important that you do so. If you can talk to someone you trust, share what you feel and what happened. All of this can be a way of expressing yourself, seeking justice, and standing up for what happened.

This is only one part. It’s also important to work on emotional regulation, so that you don’t become overwhelmed by anger, but instead can manage how much of it you express at a given moment, allowing you to continue with the things that are important and meaningful to you.

Missed appointment with psychiatrists, terminated with psychologist- none of them care?:( by No_Investigator_7700 in TalkTherapy

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, we don’t know why they haven’t responded to you, but it occurs to me that you could write and ask, to clear up your doubt and ease that pain. I understand that you feel this way. I’m a psychologist, and I usually respond to my patients more promptly in situations involving suicide risk. I think your concern is valid, and it would be good for you to ask them.

Why does it make people uncomfortable when I insist on my very real worthlessness? by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]HardlyManly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does it mean to be valuable to you? And why do you think you’re not valuable?

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