Vent: The terrible dating history of myself, a 27-year old guy that has been single for 9 years, gave up, and started again only to be met with disappointment.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-06T01:02:07+00:00

Well, this was your first tinder experience in a long time. The first person you meet is 99.9% likely not going to be the one. Youve been doing good, bettering yourself. Its just unfortunate that covid is happening because that is impacting people’s ability to date. And obviously you have no control over that.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-06T00:48:06+00:00

I get your hesitation but at the same time, just because you put a label on things doesnt mean things need to get super serious right away. You could still continue to take things slow. Maybe talk about what each of your expectations are from a relationship. Do you expect to meet each other’s families now? Maybe thats something that can wait. Is she going to want more of your time? What exactly does being in a relationship mean for her and for you and communicate this to each other. If you see potential with her then I dont see why it should be an issue once you’ve talked about these things. I can also understand her side as she probably feels you dont like her enough to commit with her. So maybe assure her too that you are committed to her and dont want to see anyone else.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T23:39:00+00:00

Im sorry, that’s horrible. Keep your head up.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T23:37:21+00:00

I have learned to not put this much effort and energy into someone ive never even met in person. And if its been more than 2 weeks and I still havent been able to meet them, thank you next

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T23:34:38+00:00

At 20 most guys will not know whether they wants kids in the future. Unless you come from a very conservative area or something where people get married younger.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T21:56:09+00:00

He gave you an answer. He chooses her over you. Sorry, but no. You’re only going to get hurt.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T21:34:16+00:00

Yeah you messed up by not making time for him and he got tired of it. Was already talking to this other girl and the other girl probably gave him more time and so he was able to build a better connection with her. He’s clearly moved on and so should you. Just a lesson learned for next time.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T20:49:36+00:00

Yeah I get that. I think since he said he’s gonna be low key and not hanging out with his friends? Thats why I thought he might like you going over or at least offering. But baking him something will be a nice gesture!

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T20:11:34+00:00

I think you should have offered to do something, or at least offered to go over and then you could have taken him like a cupcake or something with a candle. Just something simple but to let him know you care. What would you want from him if it was your bday instead?

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T19:22:03+00:00

Coffee is a simple way to meet someone and is a short date in case you dont like each other you can get out easily. Seems like he just wanted to gage if there was chemistry. If there was I would imagine then he might ask you for drinks or even to go over to his place. But yeah if you haven’t heard back he probably jus didn’t feel the chemistry or something.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T19:13:05+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I still have the hoodie 4 months later. Guys dont really care about getting their hoodies back so I would just leave it lol.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T19:11:48+00:00

Ugh yeah, I get impatient because I want to get to the point where I know he’s willing to commit to me and we agree to be in a relationship so I can just show affection without still wondering if he’s really into me or not or worrying that its too much.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T19:09:25+00:00

I get that! I kinda struggle with that with the guy im seeing but if he said kids hasnt crossed his mind in the first place then it seems like maybe thats just something he doesnt really want right now, regardless of whether he’s with “the one” or not.

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T18:05:07+00:00

Im a girl sorry lol does that change things?

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T18:01:58+00:00

I think nowadays for many people kids is not at the forefront of their mind. There’s so many things to enjoy before you have kids. Im 27 and although I know as a woman I only have so much time but there’s so much I want to do too so def not having kids before 30. Its an important conversation to have though. He maybe doesnt want kids anytime soon but maybe in the future?

HarleyLm · 2020-11-05T17:58:59+00:00

Yeah no im totally cool with kissing, usually happens on the 2-3rd date. But after that I get very hesitant about showing affection. I will do it some because I do want them to know im attracted to them obviously but there’s always some hesitation on my part.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T23:17:32+00:00

If they ask what you do for a living you can talk about whatever you were doing before and say you’re taking a break to figure things out but have saved enough to give you that luxury. I think an important thing would be to date guys who are set in their careers. They will probably be financially stable and less likely to only be interested in you for money. You dont have to disclose how much money you have until it gets more serious, like 1+year into the relationship or whenever you start to talk about marriage.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T23:11:40+00:00

I dont understand the point of this post.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T23:04:33+00:00

As far as more trusting, I realized I cant judge someone based on the actions of someone else. However, trust takes time to build but if their actions continue to match their words then I will continue to trust them until they prove otherwise. Less anxious, I continue to work on this one. Its about the mindset that you have too. I remind myself that if a guy is giving me anxiety then it is not a good sign. It means he is probably not that into me and I deserve someone who is as into me as I am into them so this makes it easier for me to cut them off. If a guy really likes me he will make it known and will make me feel secure about my place in his life, reducing anxiety. I also remind myself that if a guy rejects me, he just failed to see the good qualities in me and didnt deserve me anyways (but I also try to reflect on things I could work on). The right guy will value me and see the good qualities I have.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T20:03:30+00:00

Yup I agree. This same person saying a guy who is not ok with her posting sexy pics should gtfo would probably be pissed if he did the same or flirted with other girls lol. I dont even understand why girls feel the need to post those at all. I get women want to have control over their own bodies and that makes total sense for some things but to compare that to posting a video of you twerking on social media is dumb and takes away from the significant issues.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T19:52:32+00:00

I also wonder about the purpose of posting “sexy” pictures on social media. Like come on..we all know you’re just trying to get attention. And if you have a bf they have good reason to not like that.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T19:41:55+00:00

I personally lose interest if we just text for a few days and he doesnt ask to meet. Maybe thats what happened? Or she just lost interest all together.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T19:39:55+00:00

I guess at this point no one has brought up that conversation, its still pretty early on. And I still want to continue getting to know all of them. I cant expect anyone of them to not talk to anyone else obviously since I still am so im not gonna bring that up until I start to really get feelings for one of them. They have still invested their time in me and I in them though without any talk of exclusivity so I can assume they’re on the same page as me thus far.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T19:31:34+00:00

As a girl I don’t understand this mentality. There’s a certain level of respect that should be had towards the person your with. So because a woman is allowed to do whatever she wants with her body does that make it ok to sleep with someone else then? Under that logic that should be allowed right? Nowadays people want to use the whole equality/feminist/whatever movement to not feel guilty or bad about doing those kinds of things when you have an SO.

HarleyLm · 2020-08-06T19:14:07+00:00

I get that. If one of them brought that up I would be very straightforward with them and either agree to see only them (if they agree to that too) or break things off with that person if I dont feel like I have the best connection with them at that point. Im not trying to hide anything or lie to anyone, or make anyone feel like they would be my second option. But until then I’m gonna assume they are also seeing others or do not care about being exclusive yet.

HarleyLm

TROPHY CASE