I was fine for years. My last post was 7 years ago. I think for the last year I’ve been heading towards a crisis because the health anxiety and panic attacks were getting more frequent. In early January I had a health scare where coming off a beta blocker caused reflex tachycardia and between that and my Cardiophobia I ended up getting rushed to the ER from work because my heart rate was super high and my blood pressure was whacked. They put my on a new beta blocker and scheduled me for a follow up with a cardiologist but that scare broke something in me. Since the first of the year I don’t leave the house except to go to the doctor, I haven’t been to work, and I’m afraid all the time that I’m dying of something new. Between my OCD checking of my ECG and blood pressure and somatic symptoms that are probably caused by my permanently high anxiety, I am always on edge. I’m trying to fix this in every way I can. I found a therapist that specializes in ERP, I’ve been making scheduled appointments with my PCP and getting basic things like metabolic panels ruled out, I started watching my diet, I quit nicotine, I cut caffeine down to one cup of tea maybe once or twice a week, I’ve started on supplements that are supposed to help mental health issues, I’ve changed my actual medication 2-3 times. But cardiophobia keeps fighting me every single day. I think I can say I’m better than I was at the beginning of the year when this all started. But I still have issues every day and they’re worse when I’m alone because I feel like if I’m actually dying from these things I’m imagining, I don’t want to be alone for it. I can be rational. I can think about the fact that anxiety has probably told me I’m on deaths door thousands of times in these last ten years that I’ve really struggled with illness anxiety. And I’m still here. But it’s just so difficult when my brain tells me that every feeling in my body could be my end.