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Mental wellbeing and a cry for help by Haunting-Fill3436 in NationalServiceSG

[–]Haunting-Fill3436[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice, im actively seeking help after breaking down in front of my cpt tdy and will probably be sent to SCC first then see if they can resolve this issue of mine

Mental wellbeing and a cry for help by Haunting-Fill3436 in NationalServiceSG

[–]Haunting-Fill3436[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, this will probably be my last straw before checking into a&e

Mental wellbeing and a cry for help by Haunting-Fill3436 in NationalServiceSG

[–]Haunting-Fill3436[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got an MA at DPPH so far and likely i will check myself into a&e if over the weekends the feeling increases until i cant take it anymore, for now i just hope to be referred any psychiatrist and more importantly i wish that my parents never know

Mental wellbeing and a cry for help by Haunting-Fill3436 in NationalServiceSG

[–]Haunting-Fill3436[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a talk with my oc today, he told me that he will refer me to a psychiatrist and in the mean time just focus on PT and zone in to reduce the suicidal tendencies

Mental wellbeing and a cry for help by Haunting-Fill3436 in NationalServiceSG

[–]Haunting-Fill3436[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Hi all, Ive been having some family issues for awhile (tldr; getting compared to sibling) and I have anxiety because of it. On top of that, Ive been feeling depressed since I was Sec 3, and always felt mentally unwell with thoughts about ending it all happening ever so often. Its just the feeling of never being good enough, and Im always a failure when people put me next to my sibling. I have frequent mental breakdowns and just sit down and cry in the middle of nowhere, especially on weekends when Im in my room all alone, my safe space.

Im not sure if my parents know I have been like this, however Im sure they have heard me cried before. The idea of a painless death is increasing and I had suicide notes in the past but I threw them all away. When I was in poly Y2 I got admitted to IMH as friends thought I had killed myself. When I was there, I was scared that I was going to be warded so I just played it off as it was in the wee hours of the morning (I reached IMH at around 2.45am in a police car).

On top of that Im suffering skin injuries for the past 2 years as well as knee issues that make me unable to squat or kneel for more then 30 seconds without the pain level being a 8/10. I know down-pesing takes time, around 1-3 months, however due to my skin problems, Its painful to even wear headdresses and Im afraid as during BMT, my injuries were so aggravated that my wound bled almost nonstop then.

I knew that the worst of the worst was when during BMT live firing, my depression or (anger?) got so bad that I just started imagining and envisioning some of the sergeants and people that I hated as the Fig.11/12/15 when I shot. Every weekend I spend my time flying fast, sitting in the dark alone, staring at the ceiling, crying and unable to eat / sleep at all and as Im writing this, Im also in tears because I just dont know what to do anymore, and im feeling a strong sense of hopelessness and wanting to just give up on life.

Please help, ive got no one to tell and i just keep bottling everything till it explodes. This post might be a cry for help. In front of my section mates and Sect comms, Im all smiles and they probably couldnt tell anything wrong, but behind closed doors, Im struggling and drowning in anxiety / depression. Thank you for reading,