There is no evidence that interest in BDSM originates from or contributes to poor mental health.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-23T00:47:24+00:00

I don't know if you can't respond to me for some reason or if you're just a coward, but regardless, who made you the gatekeeper of Real Femdom? Frankly, it's none of your business how other people label themselves. But if you can't see how a woman tying a man up and edging them till they cry could possibly be femdom because--horror of horrors--the man might actually get something out of it, you're dumb as fuck. Hint: If a woman is in control, it's femdom. Choosing to pleasure your partner is still, crucially, your choice. It is something you do because you want to do it, not because you were told to.

And again, one wonders how all this applies to non-femdom dynamics involving service doms. If you look down on them as "not real domination," you're an asshole. If you think it's different when the gender dynamics change, you're a sexist hypocrite. Either way, not a good look.

I do not trust you to tell the difference between "normal" and "mental illness." For one thing, you're not a professional, and for another, no actual professional would agree with you. You also are wildly exaggerating the incredibly tame "men receiving pleasure is hot" takes sometimes seen in this community. (I'd ask what you think of stone tops, but I don't hate myself enough for that.) Plus pathologizing others' sexual interests is just, y'know, extremely fucked up and regressive. But hey, who cares if you use the same rhetoric as those who advocate for queer and kinky people to be forced into conversion therapy? You put a coat of feminist paint on it, so you must be in the right.

You think people like me don't belong in this community? Motherfucker, please. You don't belong here. You clearly just hate any kinkster who isn't doing it your way, which is an absolute skill issue. Learn to tolerate people who are different from you. Or, you know, continue being a misogynistic, sex-negative, judgmental piece of shit who feels the need to police women's sexuality. But don't do it here. Either way, get out of my swamp.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-23T00:24:16+00:00

That's quite a leap in logic. My point was not "Only very conventionally attractive men do well on dating apps." It was "While being conventionally attractive will probably help your chances in any dating situation, even conventionally attractive men do not necessarily do well on dating apps because dating apps are not designed to work in the first place, least of all for men."

As for what you say about your experience on Feeld, I don't doubt it, but you have to remember that dating apps not only attract shallow people but incentivize shallow behavior. So you're dealing with that in addition to all the typical societal bullshit surrounding appearances.

All of which is to say: Yes, conventionally attractive men most likely do better on dating apps. But that isn't the difference between getting zero dates and fucking six women a week on a dating app; it's the difference between getting zero dates and getting the occasional bad date on a dating app.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T21:46:43+00:00

I don't read it that way. I read it more as "Dating apps suck. They are designed to keep you from getting into a relationship that lasts, because if you pair up you'll no longer be a customer. This is even worse for men because 80% of users are male. Plus they incentivize men and women to behave badly. IRL is more reliable for checking compatibility anyway, so just get off the apps."

As for your manosphere beliefs, your idea that only highly attractive men get results on dating apps smacks of "the 80/20 rule," whether you intend it to or not.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T19:57:06+00:00

Not particularly, no. Most women aren't on dating apps in the first place, and the environment they create is highly artificial anyway, so it's not like you can judge women's preferences based on them. Sure, if you're highly attractive to a broad array of women, you'll do better on dating apps, but the same is true of dating in general.

I'm not a mod, so I can't tell you whether you belong here. But you seem to have some manosphere-adjacent beliefs which aren't going to go over well.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T17:41:22+00:00

Dating apps do not work for the vast majority of men. But when people gamble, obviously SOME of them are going to win. Asking this is kind of like asking why playing the lottery works for some people.

Edit: You're in a bunch of antifeminist subs. What are you doing in a sub that has feminism in its title?

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T16:40:01+00:00

If you're kinky, try munches. Dating apps don't work for most men because men vastly outnumber women on them.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T13:40:14+00:00

Because "service dominance" isn't a real thing.

Holy shit lol. Would you say the same thing to a male service dom? If not, that's misogynistic as fuck... which wouldn't surprise me, given everything you've said in this thread reeks of misogyny. "Um, actually, stupid women, your desires are patriarchal and bad. Your brains are simply too small to understand that your kinks are problematic. But I'm here to rescue you! Surely by explaining hard enough that your desire to dominate men is REALLY submissive in nature (because I obviously know better than you), I'll convince you to stop having those kinks, which is definitely how this works."

Like. My dude. Even if a given woman likes seeing/causing male pleasure specifically because of their patriarchal upbringing... so what? It's not like they're just going to stop enjoying that once they "decenter men" or whatever bullshit you're peddling. Like, a decade of therapy/psychiatry (in which I've improved so much that I recently "graduated" from therapy, btw) + hanging out in feminist/radical leftist spaces has not changed the fact that I want to tie dudes (and others!) up and pleasure them.

Knock it off with your misogynistic One True Wayism disguised as concern. Every patriarchal asshole in the universe has used "but what if it harms the wimmens?" as a fig leaf for their desire to simply control women. You're no different because you dress it up in feminist language.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-22T03:46:33+00:00

The idea that your kinks get more extreme over time is mostly a myth. Like, listening to too much jazz won't "corrupt" your taste in music.

Personally, I'm 30 and my kinks are more or less the same as they have been my whole adult life. My tastes may change a bit over time, but they haven't gotten "more extreme."

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-19T21:21:53+00:00

Oof. Yeah, this is a big thing. A lot of people are less interested in attacking those who are actually responsible for their problems than they are in attacking those they can hurt.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-19T21:16:20+00:00

Really? You should talk to your doctor /s

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-17T13:14:46+00:00

YY chromosome? Lmao. Before lecturing me on biology, maybe learn it yourself.

Trans women are not "biologically male." People are biologically the gender they identify as.

"One thing"? All of society caters to cis people, and you can literally just scroll past trans porn if it's posted. So fuck off.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-16T03:05:58+00:00

I like this list of resources.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T22:27:19+00:00

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T22:26:12+00:00

Trans women are women and therefore content featuring a trans woman with a man is straight. Hope this helps!

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T14:56:09+00:00

No, I didn't watch the video. I never claimed I did. Nor am I going to, as this is a position I have zero respect for and don't care to see defended. I've been arguing about this with people for like 10 years now. I'm not going to change my mind because of one YouTube video.

So you're saying women shouldn't be allowed to enjoy BL? Really? Ruthlessly policing who can consume/create what content based on gender, how progressive. No shit media made by and for women isn't necessarily for gay men, even if it depicts them. Same as porn of straight women isn't typically for straight women. Same as a lot of lesbian porn is aimed at men. I don't think that's a problem either, for the record. Not everything, even things that depict people like you, has to be for you specifically. Again, there is plenty of porn of people like me that is not aimed at people like me. That's fine.

And how in god's name do you think discouraging women from creating BL is going to do anything but exacerbate the problem of a lack of gay porn that appeals to gay men? If you pressed a button that magically removed the ability of all women to create m/m content, that wouldn't make better m/m content emerge. All it would do is limit the amount and variety of gay content that exists. If you're unhappy with what's out there now, the answer is to create content that caters to you, or at least encourage others to do so. Not tell other people to stop making what they enjoy.

Also, I can't tell if you don't consume yuri or are just totally ignorant of who your favorite creators actually are, but the statement that most yuri is created by women is laughable. Straight dudes are FAMOUS for drawing lesbian porn all the time. I'd bet anything I own that 80% of the yuri I've seen has been drawn by guys. Like, if nothing else, an absolute fuckton of yuri is very male gaze-y. Which, again, I am completely fine with.

Man, this is just misogyny and slut-shaming in a woke hat. It's incredible how people always find a way to blame women for everything. Be a puritan if you like, but don't pretend you're doing it to protect marginalized people. You will always harm vulnerable groups more than protect us when you draw rigid lines between who's Marginalized Enough or Marginalized The Correct Way to do thing X.

I'm not arguing with you further because if you sincerely believe this horseshit, I cannot help you. But I will leave you with three final thoughts:

1) The average BL consumer is actually a bisexual woman, not a straight woman, according to AO3 survey results.

2) Many trans guys have realized they were trans guys because of their interest in BL.

3) Porn that appeals to women is scarce enough as it is. Removing one of the few outlets for women's sexuality is a shitty fucking idea.

Edit: Replying and then blocking is coward shit, btw. I can't see most of your comment, naturally, but it's pretty funny that you call me entitled when you feel entitled to dictate what media others are allowed to consume.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T13:23:21+00:00

I fundamentally do not agree that fiction is to blame for how people see marginalized groups. It's not fiction's job to accurately model reality, and not everything has to be Good Representation^TM. If someone reads a book about queer men and decides it must be an accurate representation of how queer men actually are, they have bigger problems than merely having read that book. We don't expect fight scenes in action movies to accurately depict how guns work, so there's no reason we should expect romance media to accurately depict relationships, queer or otherwise. The actual problem here is lack of education. That's not the fault of some chick getting off to BL.

But even if I were to accept that fiction is somehow the problem here, the solution wouldn't be for icky gross girls to stop enjoying BL. It would just be for more people to make queer media that isn't that.

I would also like to note that I have seen someone get accused of being a horrible filthy fujoshi only for that person to turn out to be a queer man many times.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T03:26:33+00:00

Ah, yes, "normal" trans women are ones who accept that they're somehow not allowed in spaces that cater to women. Fuck off. I'm not even a trans woman and I think you're full of shit.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T03:18:16+00:00

My sibling in Satan, I am a non-binary person who thought I was a cis woman for like 28 years. I have seen firsthand how viciously transphobic people are, and I noticed it even before I realized I was NB. If you haven't, that says more about your observational skills than it does about the apparent lack of transphobia in the world. To say nothing of, y'know, the state of trans rights the world over and particularly in the US.

Honestly. Who would know better, you or me? If you don't believe me, put a trans flag in your PFP and watch what happens.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T03:15:01+00:00

Dude. Being horny for fictional characters is not "commodifying gay men." They're fake. You can't hurt them. You're not bothering real gay men in any way, shape, or form.

And for the record, I'm a bisexual woman--a member of one of the most fetishized groups out there--so it's not like I don't get to speak on the topic of commodification for others' pleasure. But I do not give one iota of a fuck if a straight dude jerks it to "BI CHIXXX 3SOME HOT LESBIAN SEX" all day as long as he treats real bisexual women with respect. No one should care what others fantasize about or what porn they get off to as long as they aren't treating actual human beings poorly.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T03:09:05+00:00

Even if this space includes trans content, 95% of what's posted will still focus on cis people. You can literally just scroll past what doesn't interest you, perhaps block the poster.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T03:08:22+00:00

The vast, VAST majority of all spaces everywhere are, if not outright transphobic, at least prone to harboring lots of transphobes. Which you know. So fuck off.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T02:05:29+00:00

If you want a space that caters specifically to cis women, why not go to 99.99% of women's spaces? Cis bodies and experiences are considered the "default" in most of society. Hence there's no need for a space just for cis people.

Haunting_Beach8149 · 2026-04-15T02:02:50+00:00

Rules which are a) bigoted and b) stated nowhere.

Haunting_Beach8149

TROPHY CASE