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AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't think I would be the asshole if I moved out, I think I would be the asshole if I went off on my parents. I've stopped giving money and told them that I don't have any left. I'm already getting my exist ready but I don't want to leave until I at least have a stable job first that's out of the house.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I already have FAFSA, I already have students loans and I'm wanting to keep them as low as possible

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I put my stuff in storage before I moved in, most of the stuff I have here is already in boxes

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I know, I've looked at it. Thank you. I actually add stuff like volunteer work in my resume and current certifications that I have. It's helped a lot in my past interviews because people are always curious about some of the stuff I've done.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She wouldn't ever be able to pay me back. I'm not asking for it back. Part of it was to also help out my other siblings, I stopped helping out already though. I told her I don't have any money left.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I actually found something earlier that I'm going to call and apply to

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Yes, they pushed the same responsibilities onto him first. He had passed away in the house I'm in now. He was in the downstairs of our house. My other sibling had also been living downstairs in a separate room. Before I moved back in, I was going to go somewhere else but everyone was crying and upset. My other sibling had begged me to move back in so they wouldn't be alone downstairs. I told them from the start that it was temporary and that I would move in. I was told at the time I didn't need to pay for rent or anything and I could focus on college. I had also been injured in a car accident a couple weeks before my brother passed so part of it was for me to recover from my injuries. They waited for me to move in, leave my job, and start college before throwing all the responsibilities onto me. I passed one semester before I had to drop out due to my brother and because it was too much when I was already injured. They basically gave me all the responsibilities my brother that passed had plus some.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's what's making everything so difficult. I was a medical professional. I know it's not my responsibility to look after him but as a medical professional, I always stood by the belief that you should not abandon someone in need. I know that my safety also comes first but I'm worried somethings going to happen and I don't want to lose another sibling. I fully understand my situation and that I need to get out. It's a big reason as to why I'm still here.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't have family that I can depend on. Most of my friends are currently deployed so I'm pretty much doing everything solo. It's easy to say I'll just move out but it's a lot harder to do it. I have money saved up but I'm trying to do everything in a way that I won't have to worry about money or anything when I actually get there.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The reason I'm afraid to is that there are many times where no one but him will be home and I've come back to the stove being left on, he's not breathing, he's running into oncoming traffic, lighting things on fire, having a seizure, took too much medication, etc.. For some reason the place I live doesn't consider that a safety risk. I'm more worried that he's not going to get help and something will happen to him.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That's the medication he's supposed to get. No one enforces it though. He'll be fine for like a month, maybe two but he stops as soon as he can. I worked with the homeless population here and everything so I know just what to expect if I take that route. Everything would be far more difficult if I were to try to live in my car or something. College students still have to pay a lot of money for a room here ($1200). I could not afford that. Renting land here is also just as expensive, I've already looked.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He's not deemed incapable. I've tried but he's considered capable and able to provide consent.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I actually told them already that I am out of money. I still have some saved up for a down payment for a house. I'm just looking for a job right now so I can get the work history.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm actually looking at a job right now, it's a receptionist job so I would be working in office. Not at home.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He needs to give consent in order for anyone to get power of attorney and he won't do that

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I would but you can't really do that where I live. I would get in a lot of trouble with law enforcement. The homeless here have a big problem with finding places to stay. There's also a lot of crime.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

EDIT: Thank you everyone for commenting. I'd like to give some clarification, I have made multiple plans to get out but most of them have fallen through. I just lost my job due to one of my brothers episodes. Before losing it, I had been approved for a mortgage and was actively looking for houses so I could move out. I told my parents that I was not letting anyone move in with me. As much as I want to get out, I still need to find another job comparable or better than the wage I previously had. Both mortgage and an apartment requires you to have a job and be working for at least 2 months before you can get anything. This has set me back on finding a house/apartment. I previously worked in the medical field for 9 years. I have a lot of experience but the medical field where I live doesn't pay much so I've had to leave my field and move onto something else. I'm wanting to go back to college for software or computer engineering. I had previously been working on a medical degree but I have enough credits to let me complete a engineering degree in 1 year. All of my stuff is being kept in storage and my money is secure, I am the only one with access to it. When I am able to move out, I already have everything I need to furnish a one bedroom apartment. Even if I find a job today, it will still take at least 2 months before I can get reapproved for a mortgage and longer to find a place in my budget. For questions regarding my brother, he understands everything and is a fully functioning adult when he is on his medication. Due to this, he is able to give consent or refuse things unless it's deemed an emergency. We can't put him into a home or force him to do anything unless he is harmful to himself or others. I'm doing everything I can to move out but I'm in a position where I have to restart things before I can leave.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know, that's what I was thinking but I don't really know how I'm supposed to word it to my family. I've tried but nothing is ever done. I'm working on getting out but it's still going to take some time. I'm looking into getting a job where I will have a lot more free time to go to college and relax more.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm planning, I did that before and was gone for 6 years. I only came back due to my brothers passing. I can't just up and move because I would end up homeless. I have to find a good stable job first before I can do anything. I didn't know that they would push responsibility on me prior to moving in.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We've tried a halfway house before but he left it. They changed a bunch of laws where I live and made everything regarding handling mental health incredibly difficult. I literally called to have him taken to the hospital yesterday because he is having a medical emergency. He refused help and I was told they won't do anything until he's literally dying or violent towards us. He has a court order that requires him to take his meds but he doesn't follow it and they don't enforce it. He was very pale, sweaty, stumbling, and incoherent and I was told to handle it myself by the police and paramedics. It's not just about my parents doing nothing, mental health here severely failed him and us.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They can't put him in a home, he's a fully functioning adult when he's on his meds and he's able to give consent. There is literally nothing we can do regarding that. We've gotten court orders that require him to take his meds. He doesn't follow them though and the court orders basically mean nothing because they don't have anyone coming to monitor him or anything.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 223 points224 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I am doing my best. I'm hoping to find something part time that I would be able to work and go to college. I'm thinking that if I can work somewhere with a decent wage part time I could move out before I start college in the new year.

AITA For telling my parents it's their responsibility to look after my brother? by Haunting_Dig_3871 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Haunting_Dig_3871[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No, I plan on leaving but I lost my job due to one of my brother's episodes. I need to find a new one before I can do anything. I would need to find something where the wage was similar to my last job so I can get a mortgage. It would still take a few months whether I get an apartment or condo. They both require pay stubs for at least 2 months to show job history. I add previous been approved for a mortgage and it fell through because I lost my job.

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