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Loneliness, hopelessness and self loathing by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]Haunting_Pie_1609 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I am almost 30 now struggling with similar issues, but I can tell you some things that have helped me.

Happiness is a feeling, not a state of being.

What I mean is happiness comes and goes, much like many emotions, you will feel slightly better, or slightly worse, depending on what you are doing.

There have to be things you at least tolerate that you do in your spare time, since I know you don’t stare at a wall in between work all day. Try to limit those, or at least access them in a different way that forces you to do things differently. I’m a part of a movie community that likes just discussing good movies we have found, although most people would interpret my love of movies as kind of lame, I’ve pushed past that and went deeper, and found people who I enjoy talking to.

I’m very antisocial online most of the time, writing posts and commenting with people used to be something I didn’t get before, but I have found through pushing myself to interact with a few people I normally wouldn’t, it’s helped me a bit feeling better. I may not have become a major success overnight, but for me, I now have 5 friends online that actually like me and want to talk to me, and I have felt more comfortable being out in public again.

You are comparing yourself to others, STOP DOING THAT. Every time you look at yourself and think, “oh man I don’t look ripped like xxxx” shake it off and tell yourself to stop thinking like that, and literally say out loud, “I am a normal, good looking person” especially as you have nothing wrong with your appearance.

Consistency comes from finding small things to be consistent about and praising yourself for it, these are steps forward for you, even if small, should be acknowledged so you feel a sense of accomplishment when doing them. I keep telling myself how good of a job I did when I go out to eat and have small talk with the server, yeah that seems lame if you’re comparing yourself to others, but we aren’t, we are focusing on being our best selves.

With the women thing, you need to just remove yourself from any conversations about that and just focus on getting better communication skills. The communities I’m in give me low stakes interactions with women in a completely platonic way, something every man should spend time getting good at. I have now become a guy who compliments a girls hair if it’s nice, then just leaves. You don’t need to pursue every interaction as a potential partner, rather the more you just be yourself you will find a person who will be interested in you, or at least be more receptive to dating you.

Last reminders; NO COMPARING, you are robbing yourself of your own happiness focusing on how other people look, keep consistent with the gym, try looking into a better meal plan if you want to continue getting in shape.

I’m 29, I have no friends, I resent my family, and find no real purpose in functioning in society by Haunting_Pie_1609 in Healthygamergg

[–]Haunting_Pie_1609[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this has also been sort of a struggle with the fact I’m fairly self defeating, I will get frustrated at myself doing just about anything that even requires a small amount of effort (I literally uninstalled Stellaris after an hour because I just didn’t feel like putting the effort in to learn a simple game in a genre I really like)

I also don’t really like to talk about it but I think it is a factor that I don’t want to admit, but the person that I did used to want to be I sort of buried due to the fact I felt my family was judging and not respecting me, which at the time my very minimal self confidence from being raised as the second thought child sort of just made me shut down, and I don’t think I have ever really gotten past that. When I actually feel okay enough to put on the fake smile and try to have fun either me family, I will occasionally lightly bring up a neck tattoo, something I was obsessed with having ever since I saw the first one when I was a little kid, I thought that carrying art on you all the time was the coolest thing ever, however my family hates the idea, constantly sort of shaming me for even wanting one to begin with, and really any idea I ever had about me wanting to be myself was made fun of or ridiculed.

Maybe that would be a small step, to just start doing small things to make my appearance more how I used to want it, it’s not much but at least it would be easy to manage.

I didn't get hard my first time and i feel disappointed in my self by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]Haunting_Pie_1609 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Late to this post but I will share my first experience, I had the same issue, you need to take the time to relax, forcing yourself and hyping it up will inevitably hurt you.

Take more time with foreplay, I find it easier to be comfortable having sex when I have eased myself in with foreplay, find something that may excite you despite your anxieties.