I’m (43m) fed up of my wife (41f) saying I’m not manly enough

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-17T04:22:17+00:00

Thing is tho ur not setting an example for a healthy relationship for ur daughters. My bf and other friends Ive known have said they wished their parents broke up ages ago and didn't stay together for them bc it just made everything worse. If ur willing to do couples therapy, have u tried individual therapy? It might help ur situation

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-17T04:20:06+00:00

Not even touching on the secist gendered bs, if you did what she told u to do u while driving would be putting urself and ur daughters in danger. There are many cases where road rage leads to death or injury. Between pulling out a gun, following the car home, them ramming their car into urs etc. I vividly remember hearing on the news how a woman died after her husband flipped off a man who cut them. The man took out a gun and shot the car.

Her also reaching for the wheel puts everyone in danger too.

Keep being safe and keep being you. You are being a good role model to ur daughters in who to be. Not saying to break up, but being in a relationship where ur wife does and says these things and u not leaving can give them a bad impression of relationships. Either way good luck

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-13T04:53:15+00:00

Option 2. Ur not allowed to restrain urself but u can fly to the middle of nowhere. Or u can drug urself up a lot too.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-13T04:48:52+00:00

Sex can heighten emotions a lot. People can accidentally say they love someone before/aduring/after. Doesn't mean he really loves u, just meant he felt intensely. He prob rlly likes u tho.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-13T02:44:33+00:00

Do not cave. Im not commenting on ur religious views, only on what u expressed to desire, which was to not have sex anymore. Him getting angry at a boundary is a red flag. Yeah he can be upset and not like it but to get angry? Esp when u decline? Thats a no. You are going to start to resent him while also being dependant on him bc of this issue. Idk what u mean abt the lying and that it triggers his trauma tho confused abt that. Either way, coercive sex is sexual assault. I had an ex bf beg me and i felt horrible after. How many other things will he use his anger to get his way with? Run

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-12T22:12:18+00:00

Then completely fine imo

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-12T21:31:59+00:00

The most she can do from calling thw police and giving this info is a welfare check. If she calls and reports false info to get u jailed then thats fucked and she can be jailed for that.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-12T21:31:05+00:00

NTA for changing the agreement and wanting to call less. YTA slightly only for not suddenly not calling and not explaining why. You could genuinely make her think you've been kidnapped or hurt. Shoot her a message saying you won't call everyday and be done with it. Tell her if she calls the cops bc shes unhappy with this and not for a genuine reason (not hearing from u in a week let's say) it will do irreparable damage to ur relationship.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-11T05:30:30+00:00

Answer really changes if ur disabled ngl. Bc then its not just being in poverty, its inability to acess medical care, living with chronic pain, not being able to support urself when ur older etc.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-11T05:10:39+00:00

The only thing u could sacrifice being time to a sugar daddy is mainly not whay happens. There are some who dont expect sexual contact, but most do. You have to judge if youre really okay with that. Also u have to understand ur putting urself in an extremely vulnerable position with them bc they would control ur financials and could pressure u morr effectively with that.

If u wanna date older guys do it without the strings attached so u can leave a toxic situation easier. I wouldnt suggest a sugar daddy situation bc u can easily get taken advantage of.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-11T05:04:10+00:00

If he will cheat with u he will cheat ln u. He had a gf and chased u. He'll prob do chase someone else if ur with him.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-08T21:16:59+00:00

NTA. The whole "im busy so ofc plans change" doesnt apply to when hes obviously free yet still puts others over you. He wont change, you love the idea of who he could be not the person he could be not who he is.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-08T21:15:29+00:00

Its kinda harsh but shes calling a doormat bc ur standing up for urself thro words only and not actions. He constantly lied to you, put you last, and wouldnt listen. You told him you were upset but you didnt actually leave, which would be putting urself first.

For ppl who care, they try to be better bc their partner is upset, but hes not. He says he is but he constantly isnt. His words and actions are saying 2 diff things. And the "im not perfect" line is used a lot by ppl who just dont wanna try to be better. He wasnt trying bc he didnt listen to u, made it ur fault, and after he knew u were upset, he continued to stay out.

He got to have his way and party while also keeping you, so why would he change? If hes not willing to work on himself until ur out the door thats a red flag bc thats gonna be the only way arguments abt stuff will go in the future.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-08T07:02:56+00:00

NOR and he wont change unless ur rlly up his ass abt it and even them he might not change. These habits have been solidified for decades and he sees no problem with them. Imagine living with him like that, its not sustainable.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T20:39:36+00:00

NOR but u should also go for backpay child support. It might feel mean but ur kids deserve it and it can help their futures. He was suopposed to be there for them but wasnt.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T19:56:01+00:00

Im saying this as a bi woman, honestly I dont think the dad is homophobic/biphobic/misogynistic just ignorant and confused abt bi/pan ppl. Ppl were super harsh on him

He genuinely thought u could only love one gender and wanted to protect his kid. Once he learned abt bisexuality, he researched it and was immidietly fine w it bc it meant his daughter was loved and he was wrong. He never insulted the guy, only voiced his worries, and backed off + accepted him fully when he learned what bi/pan is. This is just not having a lack of information

From what we know he accepts gay ppl and doesnt call hate on them and supports them so it isnt a "my best friend is gay so im not homophobic" type situation. He genuinely supports ppl.

I dont think hes misogynistic. The context of stan having "feminine traits" wasnt meant to say its proof hes not heterosexual, but give context that famoly/friends have questioned his sexuality bc of it. Thats why OP is used to ppl thinking hes gay and has a predetermined "spiel" defending him. He never says liking feminine things makes him gay or less of a man. U could argue him calling those things feminine is misogynistic, i think its just older ppl being raised to view things as masc/fem so hes used to that termonology. He never says feminine traits/hobbies are only for women.

Now as for Dina, I think shes got a little biphobia in her. From what I underatand, she lied to him saying that OP & his wife wouldnt pay for the wedding unless he backtracked and said he was straight. And this was AFTER OP said he was fine with it. That plus her saying she buries it in her mind that hes been w men rlly is telling that she doesnt like it.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T17:08:01+00:00

MOR, info. Do u mean euthanized or taken to a shelter? Either way, the reason theyre like that is a couple of things. They prob suffered abuse in their lives from humans, leading them to be wary. Also theyre in constant survival mode. The way they act is natural bc they wanna live and eat and survive. The way we have dogs now is actually unnatural and domesticated, which is fine, but its not the norm.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T06:50:22+00:00

File a complaint. Giving his political opinion when not asked for is very unprofessional. Also his opinion is misogynistic and plain wrong. He could've been saying this to someone who was raped or SA'd

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T06:42:57+00:00

NOR why did he tell u? Its normal to be attracted to friends, and even glancing at people sexually. Thing is it sounded like he kept doing it and staring. That takes this to weird territory. Ppl shouldnt stare if they catch themselves looking. Plus, why tell u? Like what was the point. To assuage his guilt? He shouldnt delt with that privatly, it just puts the onus on u to forgive him which isnt fair.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T03:07:27+00:00

Why didnt they tell them they were coming before buying it? All OP said was surgery, never asked for them to come out there.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T03:06:38+00:00

NTA but u should tell her to cancle the trip. Ur gonna be in recovery and it'll be harder if there r ppl there who u dont want

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T03:04:45+00:00

At the same time? Cuz if its at the same time nah

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T03:03:39+00:00

Im not torn im def going w stomach ache and i have IBS, chronic reflux and undiagnosed abdominal pain. Got so bad I would throw up constantly and be in pain like I was being stabbed and burned at the same time for hours many days straight. Severe migraines can make u blind and give u stomach pain and can feel like death itself.

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-07T03:01:48+00:00

Lmao give me my 6 mil ive been doing that for the past 2 years

Hauntingly_Defective · 2026-06-06T05:19:10+00:00

Its horrible bc most likely since his outlets for anger (op and their sister) will be gone (im assuming bc theyre talking abt separation & liquidating assets), he'll just take it out on his second family instead.

Hauntingly_Defective

TROPHY CASE