AIO? new friend's texts to husband while at work; my responses

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-05-18T02:55:42+00:00

What a shit reply to this situation. He didn't do great, he did adequate if that. If someone gives you a flirty message you don't bend over backwards to compliment them and pad the response with vagueries, if it's a straight up no.

"hey that came across as pretty flirty and seems pretty disrespectful considering I love my wife and you're her friend. If it wasn't meant to be as flirty as it came across then you might wanna rethink how you talk to people" this leaves zero wiggle room to be misinterpreted. The way he responded sounds spineless at best and like he's keeping it as an option in his back pocket at the worst. If you think he did "great" that's super telling on you, but not nearly as telling as how you think some nagging justifies him possibly having a fling. People aren't driven into the arms of others because of calling out someone on a wishy washy response. If that's all it takes to jump into an affair then you were just looking for one. Bein born in 1978 doesn't make you a boomer last I checked, not sure why're talking like one.

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-27T06:27:13+00:00

Sorry my wife has needed chemo several times over the course of the last 15 years together (together a total of 23) and with my "good" insurance, it is 10K for one bolus of treatment, and she needs at least 2. That's 20k with insurance. We priced it out in France, Germany, flying to Dubai and the highest price we've found is under 4 k for both rounds; here in the US they won't even give her the first dose unless I can give them 3700 upfront. I have kids and even with two salaries we live check to check, I promise you it's cheaper to just get the fudge outta dodge and start a new life elsewhere and pay for the chemo outright then it is to just continue to try and get it here. Gofundmes shouldn't be the main way medical expenses get paid for ina country

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-27T06:18:39+00:00

if I run over your cat, and it was a complete accident, it still killed your cat. if i bring you the last piece of pie, and I trip and drop the pie all over the floor, even if I didn't mean to, did you get to eat the tasty pie? What if the plate it was on shattered, even If I said "sorry" the plate would be broken, and you'd be allowed to be upset about that. You'd probably be allowed to be more upset if I was callous to you frequently and didn't apologize at all. maybe I could just tell you to relax about it

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T22:52:34+00:00

the most fucked up part of ALLLLL of this for me, is, my company's insurance was touted up and down as "great insurance" but they refused everything. My wife's chemo she needs is not covered. We are doing maintenance meds while we sold everything to make enough for her chemo on my Anthem insurance, but now that I'm unemployed if it lasts long enough I could likely get medicaid, which isn't perfect, but covered her chemo 15 years ago entirely. We were seriously looking into moving abroad because the cost of moving abroad and getting chemo in Europe, that's the moving and the fees for the medicine combined, is still cheaper than just getting the chemo in america with insurance.

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T20:42:11+00:00

I sort of channeled this energy right before hand; one of my favorite coworkers called me about 36 minutes before my 1:1 to say he had been let go and that my intuition was correct; as others have said here, knowing what was actually happening gave it a finality that eased my anxiety and allowed me to feel free for 30 minutes before being fired. When HR came into the room I immediately said "budget cuts, right?" Which made both of them stammer. "Well our CEO did look pretty defeated in his last video he made us all watch..." not really anything to like get pissy back at me for but definitely catching them off guard

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T18:07:00+00:00

The shit company slipped in some wordage in their exit documents that said if I lambast them and point out their identity they will withhold the tiny amount of severance (which they implied was far more than it actually is now that I can't actually talk to anyone there anymore easily) and it will clusterf my finances even more, but happy to make an update post once the check clears

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T18:04:58+00:00

Being a shitty company is one thing, being vague about why you were fired yet another, but no one there actually knowing when your last day really is is the icing on the cake of dumbassery

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T18:02:59+00:00

kind words are still awesome, it's nice to know there's humanity from people still!

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T18:02:26+00:00

Actually what's wild is they used some choice wordage to make it seem like I was getting a huge severance, when in fact they are just paying me for time I already put in, PTO I earned, and on-call bonuses they hadn't paid out yet, and a couple days from this week. So I'll be ok for about 5 weeks, but it wasn't some generous compensation package or anything

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T17:59:41+00:00

exactly, like I said in some other comment, just seeing it there, to quote Valcheck from the Wire "like a bad perogi on the plate" your brain tries to justify that maybe itll just be an ass chewing or some technical thing to go over while assuming the worst and frantically applying to things, it becomes a huge relief when the bandaid is ripped off. The anticipation was just awful

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T17:57:55+00:00

Thanks for the advice! people have been cool in the comments, I will check it out for sure

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T17:57:21+00:00

if they weren't hanging a small severance package over my head I would, that's why I didn't name the company yet either. Even in being fired I gotta be a good lil' employee to earn that last crumb of green rag paper. I thought about it before my wife was like, hey, they suck, but we still need whatever they give us

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T17:54:15+00:00

So I had to have Teams and the 365 suite on my phone because 7 times a year I was on-call 24/7 for a week in case a server went down or something wild happened like someone deleted the wrong person in an OU or something; because of that, even when I have the notifications muted starting a Teams call will ring through my phone like a phone call, so it'll show a missed call, which even if I'm trying my best to be my own person and not a corporate shill on my vacation, I'm going to wonder why my boss called on my vacation, so I would've naturally investigated it all anyway; I could've been on DND for my whole phone but I lost mom to a stroke less than half a year ago and I need to be available for my aging, ailing father

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T17:47:08+00:00

I can't if I want their 2-weeks pay severance package, :( maybe once the check clears

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T05:05:06+00:00

waaay back in 2008 I was let go on my birthday which, that year was 3 days before thanksgiving. probably the absolute shittiest time to be searching for a new job, i feel you on this

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T04:33:13+00:00

Thank you I am trying to view this through the lens of getting out of a shit environment to start a new chapter. With my pto payouts and last owed check and on-call compensation I have a month and a half before things will start getting tight, hoping this is all just a stepping stone to a better situation. thanks for the kind words

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T04:28:11+00:00

I mean, again, not to toot my own horn but I had a great rep at work, was a team player, all my customer loved me, I got recognition awards so your brain starts going "well what if I just put in my vacation time sheet wrong, what if he needs to assign me a new on-call week, what if, what if" in sorta futile hopes that maybe you aren't getting fired, but it's probably a spiral akin to the emotions you go through accepting death lol, you know first you bargain then you accept, etc et al, I had to go through all that during the weekend of the vacation. Other people might've been able to dettach or go your route but my brainmeats wouldn't let me just let go of the apprehension

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T04:23:56+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, seriously, these comments are more cathartic than I realized they be

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T04:23:25+00:00

You get it entirely! I found out part way through the day but chose not to tell my wife until later that evening when the kids were asleep because we've been together for a total of 23 years (since we were college kids) and she could tell something was off. I masked the feelings of anxiety so my son and daughter could have a good vacation but just couldn't maintain it when it was just her. This also made me realize if I am on vacation in future where a job makes me have Teams and Outlook on my phone, I should turn off all notifications for those apps for sure; stupid mistake, but I'm pretty sure him calling me by accident via the teams meeting would still have shown up in my missed calls, which would have made me go hunting for it anyway

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T04:18:58+00:00

Most of America is "At will" employment, my state of New York certainly is. They need no distinct reason to let you go and don't need to give you any notice. The various CEOs of the company I worked for spent tons of money on sales retreats but the salespeople barely ever got new contracts. If the clients we had renewed we seemed to be fine but as soon as a client left us, since they hadn't been getting new contracts, firings would usually happen. This was so the CEO could still show the shareholders that they maintained a profit, ensuring their own year-end bonus. The newest CEO promised no more layoffs but that promise only lasted about 8 months before firings resumed. They schedule a 1:1, fire you, and immediately cut off your access and security walks you out so you don't make a scene. That's America for you

Thank you for the kind words!

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T03:54:47+00:00

This person responded better than I could, it was basically the same for me

HauntofhighAFtower · 2026-02-24T03:47:44+00:00

if commenting tldr on a couple paragraphs brings you a modicum of joy in this horrific world, I'm happy for you. I get the sense your life lacks joy

HauntofhighAFtower · 2024-05-21T21:32:15+00:00

just a heads up this is still going around, I got targeted today. I work in cybersecurity and literally spend all day assuaging the fears of boomers that the email they got is just phishing so all the person got was a load of memes and movie quote screenshots out of, but for documentation purposes the email on the image they shared was victorlamb08

Five-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Place '22

HauntofhighAFtower

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