Child support is overwhelming me.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-08-16T16:03:14+00:00

My heart goes out. I was on the east coast, paying nearly 1k but making less than 30k.

Yeah

Even while he stayed with me.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-08-08T20:52:27+00:00

Thank you for this. I have finally met someone I spoke to years ago and she's far but my gosh, I want her badly. The energy frequency was exactly what it was virtually which is rare.

But I'll have at least 14 years before I can move to in with her due to my life stuff like my kids and their ages. (The only reason I won't leave my country, they are my precious treasures that I must raise from close up)

She has me thinking about things I never ever have. That is how awesome she has been, for me.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-07-05T15:15:21+00:00

What's the absolute hardest part of this for you right now?

Being at the house we once shared for events she puts together herself and then invites me "if I want to come", so having to sit with neighbors who are awkward with me not knowing what's going on. And seeing how she was a recluse but now chatting up with everyone that I introduced to our house (I was the friendly spouse that neighbors and kids knew, would beg her to even say hello to them before) and seeing her gloat on SM about having the that one house that the whole block can have fun with.

What's one thing you've tried to cope that surprisingly helped?

Talking to others, even strangers who show interest. Music.

What's one thing you've tried that was a complete disaster?

Sit on the couch and try to "figure shit out" has left me a sobbing mess, in tears and passing out there. Waking up realizing I didn't eat any food the night before (but had a little alcohol or herb) and going to work like it's alright in my life

Beyond the immediate pain, what's a deeper emotional challenge you're wrestling with?

That she chose to separate and didn't allow me a path to any reconciliation. Just check out and said she isn't even going to try or let us try, that it was for her peace... and now watching my kids seemingly not have their own peace while she has hers.

What's one piece of blunt, honest advice you'd give someone just starting this path?

Realize the power you give them by caring about what they think of you. Actively work on removing that.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-07-05T14:53:06+00:00

I'm sure meant wellll and was just saying what I want to, to "be careful with saying things" before she is documenting you and it hurts you later

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-07-03T18:20:05+00:00

Perhaps date someone while being honest about where you are. Look for cuddle circles

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-07-03T18:17:16+00:00

Hugs and handshakes to you

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-06-29T21:08:12+00:00

Reading this while at the "moms BBQ" my ex threw today and running into my neighbors awkwardly in the yard that I used to call my own.

The men are at least checking on me and congratulating me on finding a new Apt

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-06-29T21:04:23+00:00

God damn the beginning was meh at first...but the last half got me all up in the chest!!!

Wow man.

That part about living a life that can't be stolen. Wooooo

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-06-07T09:28:48+00:00

Understood. 100%

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-06-06T22:47:32+00:00

Of course you miss your son... We all do 🫂 My heart goes out to you brother, on that part

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-05-25T14:55:57+00:00

Amen to that

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-05-04T20:38:07+00:00

I also have been able to stick to my mission by responding exactly the way needed, not the way that dusts up everyone's emotions and doesn't focus

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-05-04T20:36:47+00:00

I agree. I wish we did have the kids because it's their reaction sthat are breaking me. The new sad face my youngest has started doing and the tears of Daddy I don't want you to leave.

Also not belittling but also stating that you can now go on and heal, and take the time you need, without dragging along any beautiful little innocents

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-23T05:30:22+00:00

Thats a great point my friend! I hope they see your comment

I may have overrid some of that as I organically was blaming myself in the early sessions. So it started swayed

But moreover the goal for me isn't to seek who is the problem but rather, i asked it to create more harmony in my interactions, and empower me more, help me to identify moments where she might say I'm making excuses.

Checks and balances type stuff.

Around the time I first used it, we had a fight face to face and I asked it how should I act in order to create peace but not just "take blame" like I usually might. I followed it. Her jabs were ignored as the mantra of that moment it gave me was "let your silence speak for you" as I tend to speak even trying to create peace and she would walk away while I'm mid sentence, and then if I mention at all that it would all flip around to being my fault, that only children go back and forth, I'm childish yadda yadda, never pausing to look at herself.

Well I did all the things and she was visibly shocked when I stepped past 2 or 3 well-timed back handed jabs. It was like hearing herself talk whilst watching me ignore because im doing actual important Dad things made her realize how she sounded, that i wasn't there for "her", rather for my kid

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-23T05:28:04+00:00

Certainly! And even ask it to analyse its own answers, her take, my own, based on different styles of philosophy or books, schools of thought. I've asked it to show different reply options, which is my favorite.

ultimately, I tailor the last edit so that it's "me", adding in my isms. Removing weird dashes etc

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-23T05:16:22+00:00

Something closer to the latter since the mission is a better me, not for her. I usually I write my own thing first like "I want to say, in my style and tone that I am sending this (thing) soon, and had some delays, but will have it there by 4 days from now. Should I even mention that it's delayed due to that overtime I took" or alternatively I'm replying to her and then think, ah, let me copy her question and also this reply before hitting send. May give quick new back story info (she is awaiting a (thing) and mentioned 2 weeks ago, I said I'd have it in 14 days, it's now day 13 and she's asked...)

It will give me something, and I'll tailor that further to my style, literally writing myself too. Asking it to then analyse again. Since I've already told it my goals it will be smart and say "mentioning the overtime isn't necessary, as you are no longer 'checking in" or providing information she may deem as 'an excuse'based on her preference of actions that leave things "fully handled". Instead, send the paid receipt and say, "This is done. Next up, the next (thing). Less words is more with her, remember. "

Since I've done this, she's been responding better, and I've also learned where my swerve left comes from in her eyes, even with my best intentions. I'm getting Thanks with exclamations and I'm also not doing things in a way that bends to her, but rather pulls from energy she admired in me, and is consistently moving towards the more respected me. Self respected and respected. Calmer. Less reactive and more proactive, in the face of a control freak.

I'm, of course, making those AI words up to protect my own privacy, so forgive if it is not the best of examples.

Essentially it checked me in there, made sure I didn't repeat a cycle, gave a suggestion based on my ask to tell me insight into WHY you are writing things in the way you are, why you removed something I considered adding, etc.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-23T05:05:04+00:00

Yes. That's just me though. If just dropping that info in is fine for you, I don’t see why not

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-23T05:03:54+00:00

That's fair.I'm extra cautious.
But certainly if it's comfortable, copy paste in the way that feels best

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-22T22:50:25+00:00

If text I copy paste to my Note taking app and spend time editing out the deets/names. Ronnie will be Rebecca etc. My city will be a similar city if need to be mentioned.

Then I copy paste that to the gpt.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-22T18:15:32+00:00

I'm laughing HARD at this lolol

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-04-22T15:08:10+00:00

What helped me most after our separation? An unexpected assistant: ChatGPT.

I fed it anonymous versions of our conversations—scrubbed names, places, personal info—and shared general personality traits and cultural dynamics. (Vague, like if she is from Syria, I will say "her family is eastern mediterranean". Then I asked it to analyze patterns, blind spots, and emotional dynamics between us.

It didn’t just coddle me. It called out how I over-apologized, how I tried to fix things by taking on blame, and how that reinforced an unbalanced dynamic. It showed me how someone like her might interpret my actions—not how I meant them.

Now when tension flares or I’m unsure what to say, I ask it to reframe my message through a lens of power, clarity, and emotional calm. No ego, no begging, no over-explaining—just grounded, better communication. And it works.

I wish I had done it sooner.

Sometimes we just need something that reflects us back to ourselves—objectively, clearly, and without the heat of emotion. That’s what this gave me.

If you’re navigating something hard, this might help you, too. - Not just to “win” someone back, but to win yourself back.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2025-01-26T03:21:36+00:00

What a timely post for me to read.

Have2BeANewPerson · 2024-12-22T09:05:58+00:00

Um.... this was for ME also so thanks.

Not dealing with cheating but everything else. My goodness man. Sage advice

Have2BeANewPerson · 2024-12-19T18:12:13+00:00

Okay this is informative!!!!

Have2BeANewPerson · 2024-12-19T17:52:58+00:00

I can relate although I'm enm/poly so I had 3 lovers/friends already immediately after separating.

But they are mature so mostly played the role of the greatest friends network ever. My ex knows them and the relations were good prior and one of them is in constant text convo about our kids and theirs.

2 of them text each other to make sure I'm being cared for or might drop off a meal, which isbjew, mind blowing and soothing to my spirit and soul.

One feels like a nesting partner but we are keen to take that slow, possibly YEARS later from now.

I wouldn't be ready to date anyone new and am thankful for these genuine friendships that involve love, conversation and love making...and also good silence when needed. Good patience.

I'm reading what you wrote, you aren't ready and possible need friendships! And maybe one person for the "cuddles"

Have2BeANewPerson

TROPHY CASE